Nothing will repel your husband (or boyfriend) more quickly than….you acting all self-righteous! However, this is exactly how women act much of the time. We don’t intend to come across as self-righteous, or “better-than”, or arrogant, or “experts” on everything, but we can definitely come across that way to our men! Having that kind of attitude ruins relationships. As Proverbs 18:12 says: “Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.”
So let’s examine ourselves. Do you often correct your husband, giving the impression that you know more than he does? Do you give long-suffering sighs when he forgets to do something, giving the impression that YOU would never do such a thing? Do you make sure you let him know he has disappointed you, while being quick to defend yourself if he says you’ve disappointed him?
Maybe it’s time we stopped acting “better-than” our men! We are ALL a work in progress. Let’s strive this week to display a humble spirit. Instead of repelling our husbands, our humility will draw our husbands toward us. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be a fragrance in my husband’s life than an odor!
At the risk of you thinking I’m totally looney, may I suggest that you talk with your husband about clear boundaries regarding your female friends? In other words, he should not be a “friend” of any of your own girlfriends! I know this might seem old-fashioned or even ridiculous, but many affairs start out with a husband “just talking” with another woman. We need to be careful and alert to the schemes of the enemy!
1 Peter 5:8 says “Be alert and of sober-mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” So, be alert to the enemy’s scheme to get your husband emotionally entangled with one of your friends. He should not spend time with her without you. He should not even be spending time on the phone with her giving advice or listening to her woes. Without him intending to do so, he will slowly find himself developing an emotional bond with your friend, and she will start bonding with him. Danger lies ahead!
Don’t you sometimes wish you could silence the voices in your head? You may hear the voice that runs you down and reminds you of your failures…or conversely, you may hear a voice that tells you your husband is a loser and you’re doomed to a life of misery. Either kind of thought is from the pit of hell!
We MUST examine every thought rolling around in our heads and determine whether it’s true or whether it’s a twisting of the truth that’s inspired by Satan. Remember, Satan’s mission is “to steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10). He wants to slowly crush you with the weight of his lies about your value, your future and your husband.
2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to “take every thought captive” and we really need to do that. The next time a self-deprecating thought enters your mind, stop and ask God if this is really true. (I bet it won’t be!) The next time a hopeless thought enters your mind, ask God if it’s true. (I know it won’t be!). The next time you have the thought that your husband is beyond redemption, ask God if that’s true. (Absolutely not!). It’s time we stopped believing every thought that pops into our minds! We must intentionally pause and ask God whether that thought is true or from the devil. Here’s a simple, but hugely clarifying, question to ask yourself in that moment: “Does this sound like something God would say?”
— or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO HERE
I was reminded recently of how valuable it is for Christian women to gather with other godly women. A wife recently told me that, beyond learning valuable insights from God’s Word during Bible studies, what has really helped her is the encouragement, support and accountability from other godly women.
It’s true. Sometimes, we need that kick in the pants from another woman when we have wandered off track. Sometimes, it’s that empathy and warm hug from another woman when we are going through a challenging situation. Sometimes, what matters most is knowing friends in your women’s group will be praying for you during the week.
God’s Word tells us in Hebrews 10:24-25… “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…” Our adversary wants us to isolate because then we’re more vulnerable! Without encouraging voices in our ear, all we hear are the enemies whispers of discouragement and hopelessness. So, the question is: Are you acting as a lone ranger or are you carving out time in your schedule to meet regularly with other godly women? We need each other. We are stronger together
Are you having one of those weeks or months? Has your husband broken your heart? Are you an emotional wreck over a situation with one of your children? Don’t try to carry that burden alone! It’s too heavy.
Even though it would be so helpful to reach out to some godly female friends, many of us tend to isolate during really hard times instead. Unfortunately, that only makes it easier for Satan to beat you down. With no other voices speaking hope into your life, he has free realm to whisper one lie right after another.
Jesus describes Satan this way in John 8:44: “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” The lies may sound like this: No one really loves you. Your life sucks and there’s no hope. You should have never married your husband. God doesn’t really care about you. You’re a failure as a mom compared to all the other moms. There is no way in the world to recover from your financial mess. God could never change your husband’s heart. Blah, blah, blah.
One of the keys to drowning out the voice of the enemy is to listen to other voices! Spend time reading God’s Word. Also, spend time with godly women who can speak truth, wisdom, and hope into your life. If you don’t know any women like that, then it’s time to start building new friendships. I know you might be scared to tell another woman what’s really going on in your marriage and family. However, you might be surprised to find that other women will start opening up to you and sharing their own challenges as you begin sharing yours. Just keep in mind that the point is to encourage each other and pray for each other…not to trash talk your husbands!
While reading the Bible in recent days, I have stumbled upon several women who had tremendous influence over their husbands, but who, unfortunately, used that influence to satisfy their own selfish desires. It reminded me that, as women, we have a powerful allure with men. God wired men to be extremely attracted to the female body. This is awesome when we use that attraction to stay bonded to our husband and when we use that attraction with pure motives. Unfortunately, we don’t always do that.
We can learn what NOT to do from a few women in the Bible. Two that come to mind are Delilah and the daughter of Herodias. Delilah’s story is in Judges 16. The mighty man Samson is so intoxicated with the beauty of Delilah that he finally gives in to her badgering about the source of his power and he tells her his secret. The result? He loses his power, his eyes are gouged out by the enemy, and this once mighty man of God becomes completely ineffective.
The daughter of Herodias is featured in Mark 6. She is beautiful and dances erotically for King Herod. He is so enthralled with her that he becomes stupid! He offers her anything she wants…up to half his kingdom!! She ends up asking for the head of John the Baptist. The result? A mighty man of God, the messenger who paved the way for Jesus Christ, is killed.
Ladies, let’s be careful to wisely use the powerful sex appeal God has given us. You might find it exciting to turn men’s heads by wearing tight or revealing clothes in public, but think twice before you do that. You may destroy another woman’s marriage. You might think it’s cool that you can manipulate your husband through what you do or don’t offer him sexually. Think twice before you do that too. You may end up destroying your man and your own marriage.
— or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO HERE
Life often seems like a winding highway full of potholes. We get bounced around by people who disappoint us. We disappoint ourselves. Satan loves to plant that seed of doubt about whether we can make it through current challenges in our marriage, with our kids, at our job, etc. We wonder if we can handle what’s around the bend.
That’s why we need encouragers in our lives! 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says “encourage one another and build each other up.” My question for you is: Do you have a friend who encourages you? Or do you spend a lot of time with women who are negative, critical, and “downers”?
If you don’t have an encouraging woman in your life, ask God to reveal a woman who seems to have the gift of encouragement. Then ask her if you could regularly get together, perhaps once a week or every other week, just to chat and mutually encourage each other. That’s right. You can be her encourager too. We all need it! Let’s link arms together ladies!