If you love your children, one of the MOST important things you can do for them is to keep your marriage healthy and intact! Not to scare you, but the research regarding children from divorced families is alarming. Perhaps this is one reason the Bible says in Malachi 2:16, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce”. God knows the devastating impact of divorce on children’s lives.
Research by Focus on the Family has found that teens from divorced homes are much more likely to engage in drug and alcohol use, as well as sexual intercourse than are those from intact families. Also, kids whose parents divorce are substantially more likely to be incarcerated for committing a crime as a juvenile. Plus, research from the Heritage Foundation found that children of divorced parents perform more poorly at school and have higher drop-out rates.
Yes, God can heal a child’s heart following a divorce, but the scars will remain. So, work hard to keep your marriage healthy and strong. Pray every day for your husband and pray daily for marriage guidance from the Lord. See a counselor if you guys are fighting a lot or if you are growing increasingly resentful. Don’t let your heart grow hard. Fight for your marriage. Your kids will thank you!
You know the saying “If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy”? It’s so true! So if you’ve noticed your kids have been acting up a lot and/or your husband is grouchy, one possible reason is because YOU are not peaceful. Your mood and your stress are contagious.
Ask God to reveal to you what things may be causing a foul mood or extra stress in your life, and then ask Him to show you if there are things you can do to improve the situation. Is there something stressful in your life that you should eliminate? Do you need to ask God to help you forgive someone instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment?
Do whatever it takes to regain a peaceful and gentle spirit. God instructs wives to have such a demeanor in 1 Peter 3:3-4 where He says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Let’s become beautiful to our husbands and children by cultivating that gentle and quiet spirit. You may have to make some changes in your schedule, but it will be worth it!
— or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO HERE
Our men are bombarded daily with temptations to lust. They drive down the freeway and there is a billboard featuring a sexy woman. They go to work and encounter a female co-worker showing too much cleavage. It seems like there is no safe place to avoid the temptation to lust!
However, your home could be one of those safe places, especially if you choose to avoid watching TV shows that feature scantily-clad women! Personally, I would love to watch Dancing With The Stars. I so enjoy watching a dancing novice grow into a fabulous dancer in just a few weeks. But I know that watching that show with my husband will likely cause a huge challenge for him regarding lust. So, I choose not to watch that program. The same thing is true for many other shows. We apply the same rule of thumb to the movies we watch at the theater. I check beforehand to see if a movie features sexual scenes or partial nudity. We don’t attend those movies.
Are you helping your husband avoid sexual temptation through your choices of media? 1 Corinthians 10:32 says “Do not cause anyone to stumble“. Are you allowing things into your home that could cause your husband to stumble? For instance, I called Victoria’s Secret many years ago and asked them to stop sending their catalog to our home. That magazine is soft porn to men and boys! Should you make similar changes at your home?
There’s a fine line between confronting someone who is sinning against us and confronting someone about their sin in general. As I read the Scriptures, it is pretty clear that we are supposed to confront our husbands or anyone who is sinning directly against us. Jesus gives us this instruction in Matthew 18:15-17 and also in Luke 17:3.
However, sometimes we go too far and start to act like we’re the Holy Spirit! It is not our job as a wife to convict our husbands of each and every one of their sins. God says that’s the Holy Spirit’s job. In John 16:8, Jesus says the Helper (Holy Spirit) “will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment”.
This means it’s not your job to be constantly pointing out your husband’s flaws, reminding him of his imperfections, and chastising him for falling short of God’s perfect standard. A wife is NOT Mrs Holy Spirit! In fact, when we start acting like we are the Holy Spirit, we start to become that quarrelsome wife mentioned throughout Proverbs. She is compared to a constant dripping of a leaky roof. Hmmm.
Caution. Caution. In fact, I urge you to envision yellow caution tape (like you see around a dangerous construction zone) every time this thought comes into your mind. The thought is “I deserve a different husband”. That is a thought emanating straight from the pit of hell.
When Satan dangles that thought in front of your mind, he’s basically trying to entice you into believing that you have been ripped off and that you are entitled to trade in your man for a better model. I should know. I bought that lie from the enemy, hook, line, and sinker at the end of my first marriage. You know who else fell for this kind of thinking? Eve. She fell for Satan’s lie that God was ripping her off by withholding fruit from one of the trees and he got her to believe she was entitled to more than God had given her. That story didn’t end well either.
Not only is it a lie that you deserve a different husband…it’s also a delusion from Satan. I can almost guarantee you that if you were to dump your husband and get a new one, he would have “issues” as well! So don’t fall for Satan’s schemes and delusions. Remember what the Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 11:14…”Satan masquerades as an angel of light”.
So, instead of buying the lie that you need to dump your inferior man and get a better model, how about if you do these three things instead? 1) Look for the good qualities of your man and be thankful 2) Respectfully confront any sinful pattern of behavior on his part 3) pray daily for Jesus to mold and shape your husband into a godly man of integrity.
We all would like to feel more emotional intimacy and connection with our husbands, but often we end up drifting apart as the years of marriage pass by. This is especially true when children come on the scene. You get super busy and absorbed with the kids and your husband feels unimportant, unvalued, and un-needed.
However, there is one simple step you can take to begin changing that dynamic. Start asking your husband for his opinion! Ask him his thoughts on the right number of activities for the kids. Ask him his thoughts on how to best arrange the living room furniture. Ask his opinion on what is most important to him in terms of cleaning and tidying the house. (You might be surprised that most men would prefer you focus on keeping the home tidy rather than clean).
By asking your husband for his opinion, you’re communicating that he matters. You’re communicating that he is a needed and valued team member. You’re communicating that he is respected by you! He needs that respect. He’s wired to crave your respect. That’s why God gave a clear instruction to wives in Ephesians 5:33. It simply says “The wife must respect her husband.” So, start respecting your husband by asking his opinion and truly considering his thoughts and desires. You will find that he likes being around you more, and you will develop a powerful sense of “team” in your marriage.
Most women have extremely busy schedules these days. I don’t know if life has always been so chaotic for women, but it sure is that way in 2019! If you’re a wife and a mom, you’re likely running around like crazy trying to take care of the kids and your man and the household and maybe even a full-time job. Whew. I get stressed out just listing all your roles.
Let’s not kid ourselves. None of us is Super Woman. You have limited time and physical energy. You also have only so much you can give mentally, emotionally and spiritually before you’re completely drained. That’s why it’s vital for you and me to take a break during each and every day to refresh ourselves. We do NOT need to feel guilty about this. Even Jesus “often withdrew to desolate places” (Luke 5:16) to take a break from the demands of people and refresh his soul. We also need to step out of the desert and onto a lush oasis for a half hour or so in order to rehydrate our souls. We just need to make sure we choose a healthy oasis.
What is your oasis? What recharges your batteries? What refreshes your soul? Reading a good novel? Puttering around in your flower garden? Taking a prayer walk with the Lord? Drinking a cup of coffee while writing in your journal? Baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies? Taking a bubble bath? Scrapbooking? Listening to worship music while sitting in the sun? Checking out tasty recipes on Pinterest? Dancing to music in your living room while no one is watching?
–or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO HERE