How to pray for your husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You may have an “impossible” situation going on in your marriage, such as a husband who doesn’t believe in God, or who is an alcoholic who refuses to get help, or who is harsh and critical with the kids, or who is hooked on pornography.  I would certainly recommend that you establish some serious boundaries and consequences if your husband is sinning against you or the kids, but here’s the thing you and I need to realize.  Only God can change your husband’s heart.  That’s where your prayers make a gigantic impact.  Prayers that are offered in line with God’s will can accomplish the seemingly impossible!

That’s why praying actual Bible verses is so powerful!  We know Bible verses are in line with God’s will.  If your “impossible” situation involves your husband, let me point you to a list of suggested Bible verses to pray for your husband on the “Free Resources” tab at www.squadronofsisters.com.   It’s a free PDF that you can print.  I urge you to do so, and begin praying for your marriage, your husband, and your family.  Your prayer offered in faith and trust in God is extremely powerful.  Jesus says in Mark 11:23, “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.” 

One more thing.  Don’t grow weary in praying.  Sometimes it takes months or years of praying before you see results.  Read the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18 to get inspired to press into sustained prayer for your “impossible” situation.

3 things keep husband attracted to you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I have 3 simple but powerful tips that, if applied, are almost guaranteed to keep your husband attracted to you!

  1. Flirt with your husband on a regular basis, like you used to when you were dating!  Sometimes we get so busy with life and kids and jobs, that we forget to continue stoking the fire with our husbands.  Don’t let that happen to your marriage.  Decide to be playful and flirty with your husband several times a week.  Better yet, do this daily.  Wink at him across the room, pinch his tush as he passes by you in the kitchen, be playful and charmingly sassy as you talk with him.  He will almost certainly be drawn to you!
  2. Carry yourself with humble confidence. Did you know most men are attracted to confident women?  They are, as long as the woman doesn’t have a self-righteous, better-than-you attitude.  So how do you overcome insecurity and develop confidence?  For me, it means spending time in God’s Word reading how much He loves me and cares for me.  How do you develop humility?  For me, it means intentionally reminding myself every day that I am also an imperfect person, just like every other human being, including my husband.
  3. Choose to encourage your husband every single day.  I know this might seem ridiculous to some of you who are struggling with major issues in your marriage, but your husband needs to feel you are actually FOR him.  This doesn’t mean you should overlook any habitual sin of your husband, but it does mean that you at least balance serious discussions about his need to change with compliments on the things he is doing right…or the good qualities you see in him.  He needs you to be his chief encourager.  That will keep his heart drawn to you.

How to defeat the demon of insecurity

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Virtually every woman wrestles with the persistent and often debilitating problem called insecurity.  It can start so early in life as a 5 or 6 year old girl hears the neighbor girl described as beautiful, while nothing at all is said about her.  It can develop when other kids easily bring home straight A’s in middle school, but you struggle to maintain a B average.  It can suck the life out of you when no one asks you to the sophomore dance or senior prom, and you start telling yourself that you’re ugly and no one wants you.

What I’ve learned over the years is that the enemy is often the one whispering discouragement and ugly lies into our minds, and we end up quietly repeating those lies over and over again until we sink into a pit of despair!  Enough of that!

We can begin to defeat the demon of insecurity when we start coaching our souls with the truth.  The truth is found in the Bible and what God says about us.  Did you know in Romans 9:25, God says “Her who was not beloved, I will call beloved”?  Wow!  That rocks my boat!  How about you? God says you are his beloved.  That word is a healing balm to my wounded heart.  That word “beloved” means God cherishes me and dearly loves me.  Yes!!  I needed to hear that.

God also tells us in Hebrews 13:5 that “I will never leave you nor forsake you”.  That means that no matter what crazy or oppressive circumstance I’m in, God will never leave my side. He is with me through all struggles and trials.  Yes!  I needed to hear that too!

Don’t listen to the voice of the enemy, and for heaven’s sake, don’t repeat his lies! Start coaching your soul with truth from God’s Word.  That’s when you’ll triumph over the devil’s plans to oppress you and begin to truly flourish as a woman of confidence!

Number 1 question to ask when dating

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If there’s one thing I’ve learned after observing many Christian marriages over several decades, it’s that ANY two people can build a fantastic marriage IF they both are seeking to honor the Lord and seek his guidance on all things.

Think of it this way.  Whoever you date is going to be imperfect, just like you also are imperfect.  However, if both of you are regularly seeking God’s guidance in His Word and seeking to obey his guidance, God can then start smoothing out the rough edges!  When a husband and wife are both striving to follow the Lord and his promptings, God can refine them day by day.  He can heal their broken places. He can teach them new healthier ways to communicate and handle conflict. 

It’s all about seeking God above all else!  This reminds me of the verse that finishes the famous section of Scripture about worrying in Matthew 6.  Jesus says stop worrying about everything and seek to follow him and he will take care of everything.  Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  Another verse also comes to mind.  Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make you path straight.

So what is the number one question to ask a person you’re starting to date?  Here it is:  What has God been teaching you lately?  Then be quiet and listen.  If the person has that “deer in the headlights” look, that’s probably a good indication that they really aren’t seriously seeking God and his guidance! 

Don’t let conflict avoidance cause this!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’m an expert conflict avoider.  How about you?  I grew up in a household where there was a lot of yelling and rage and verbal abuse.  As a result, everything within me always tried desperately to avoid anything in my marriage that could have resulted in tension, raised voices, or anything remotely resembling conflict.

However, avoiding conflict is a recipe for disaster in a marriage.  I learned that the hard way in my first marriage, which failed.  Here’s the thing.  If you don’t address the things that are really bothering you about your husband or your marriage, a seed of bitterness is planted in your heart.  That seed slowly takes root and grows, and after months and years go by, you will most likely grow to despise your husband and want a divorce!  Not good.

So, commit to respectfully, lovingly, and diligently address the things that are bothering you within your marriage.  Hebrews 12:15 warns us not to let “any bitter root grow up among you to cause trouble…”  So, ask God to give you the courage to gently and respectfully discuss your concerns with your husband, and determine to work all the way through those concerns until they are resolved.  Ask God to give you the courage to express your needs and desires to your husband.  Do not become invisible.  When you start stuffing your feelings and immediately cave in during disagreements, toxic resentment will start to grow inside you. Don’t let that happen!

Help husband become spiritual leader

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Many women lament the fact that their husbands won’t pray with them and their husbands aren’t really the spiritual leader….but, here’s something I’ve observed over the years that may shed some light on your predicament.  If you want your husband to become the spiritual leader of your family, you have to stop being the leader yourself!  Sometimes women, including myself, can be so eager to bring spiritual disciplines into our family life that we leave no gap for the husband to fill.  Perhaps this is why God repeatedly instructs wives to be submissive!  Titus 2:5 tells women to be “self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands”. 

In other words, instead of you jumping in and praying for the kids when they get tucked into bed at night, you could ask your husband for his help with that.  If you would like the Bible to be read aloud after dinner, tell your husband you love the sound of his voice when he reads and ask him if he would read the Bible.  After he has read the Bible passage, ask him what he thinks God is saying…and then listen attentively to his answer.  When you’re not feeling well, you could tell him it would mean the world to you if he were to just lay a hand on your shoulder and say a simple prayer.  Even a one-sentence prayer is fine.  And when he does any of these things, be encouraging and thankful!  Build him up.

When a woman takes over any area of leadership, many men will simply back off.  So, if you want your husband to become the spiritual leader of your home, you need to allow there to be a bit of a void in that area. Then ask him for his help.  🙂

4 marriage myths you should know

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment
  1. Our romanticized culture has led many Christian women to believe that they need to find their one true “soul mate” who will make them happy for the rest of their life, with little hard work on their part.  Not true!  I don’t see this concept anywhere in the Bible.  In fact, the Bible makes it clear that we are supposed to be more concerned with loving others than finding someone who makes us happy.  Philippian 2:3-4 says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others.”

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I believe it’s important for you to realize the following ideas about marriage are actually 3 more myths:

  • Your husband is supposed to be your source of happiness.  (Actually, God is the only one who can provide perfect love, security and comfort)
  • Happy couples never have conflict.  (If you never disagree on anything, one or both of you is likely burying the issue and allowing resentment to grow)
  • If you find the “right” guy, a wonderful marriage will just happen.  (Actually, a good marriage takes planning, intentionality and effort)

The power of a wife’s words

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Proverbs 18:21 says “the tongue has the power of life and death”.  Oh my.  Consider how many words a woman usually speaks in just one day, and you can see the potential for disaster!

It took me a couple decades to really understand this fact.  The words spoken by a wife to her husband can either build him up and give him confidence to step up and be an even better man…or her words can tear him down to the point that he emotionally withdraws from her and doesn’t try to accomplish much of anything because he believes he’s a failure.

What kind of words are you speaking to your husband?  Are you his biggest cheerleader?  Do you intentionally encourage him every single day, or do you give in to the temptation to point out his many flaws on a regular basis?  He NEEDS you to believe in him and encourage him.  By the way, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hold him accountable or put boundaries in place if he is actively sinning against you.  However, even then, you can address sinful behavior with an attitude that is loving and hopeful.  You can still let your husband know that you see something good in him.

Do this to protect your marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When we first pledge our love to each other on our wedding day, we never think either one of us could possibly end up having an affair years later.  Tragically, it happens quite frequently, and even among Christian couples.  We can’t be ignorant of Satan’s mission revealed by Jesus in John 10:10 where He says Satan is out to “kill, steal, and destroy”.  Satan would like nothing better than to rip apart your marriage.  He is always plotting ways to get you or your spouse connected with someone of the opposite sex.  That’s why we have to be vigilant from day one!

James 4:7 advises us…”Submit yourselves to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”  One of the ways we can resist the devil’s schemes to destroy our marriages is to talk with our husbands about rules we will both follow relating to the opposite sex.  Agree that you will never spend time alone with another man and your husband will never spend time alone with another woman.  If your job requires you to be in a one-on-one meeting with someone of the opposite sex, agree that the door will always be left open.  Agree that you will never share anything personal about your marriage with a member of the opposite sex.  If at all possible, agree to never work as a two-person team with a member of the opposite sex on a project or at your job.   That feeling of being a “team” is extremely bonding!

Safeguard your marriage.  You may think you don’t need all these strict rules, but I know from personal experience that you do.  Many solid Christians have fallen into Satan’s trap by failing to follow these safeguards.  Don’t let your marriage be another notch in the devil’s belt.

Are you giving room for the Spirit?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

The other day, a relative said some things about a person I love that I really found hurtful.  My first instinct was to emotionally withdraw from that person…but that’s a dysfunctional behavior I’m trying to end.  So, I started to tell that person what I really thought about their comments!  Thank God, the Holy Spirit gently stopped me.

You see, sometimes God wants us to confront someone who is sinning against us or doing something wrong.  But other times, God wants us to step back and allow His Holy Spirit to do the convicting in that other person’s heart, especially if that person is a believer.  In John 16:7-8, Jesus tells his disciples, “I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment”   Jesus was talking about the Holy Spirit, and he explained that one of the Spirit’s jobs is to convict people of sin.

What I’m learning is that I need to pause and consult God when someone is doing something that wounds me or bothers me.  I need to ask God for direction.  Does God want me to respectfully and lovingly confront that person, or does God want me to step back and allow His Holy Spirit to do the confronting. 

Back to my story. When God stopped me from laying into my relative the other day and I decided to leave the “confrontation” up to the Holy Spirit…that relative actually came to me and apologized within a few hours. Today’s question for you:  Do you pause long enough to get guidance from God before reacting?