tips

Allow God to show off for you!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Recently, I was reminded yet again that God loves it when his kids come to him with a request that is in line with his will.  He loves responding with his mighty power and loving kindness when his children cry out to him in prayer!

My latest example has to do with a loved one who was in desperate need of some circumstances to change.  It seemed impossible, and trying to overcome gigantic obstacles had become absolutely exhausting.  I told this loved one that I would pray for them.  And I did.  In this particular instance, as I paused and asked God how He wanted to work in this difficult situation, I sensed a nudge from him that I was supposed to tell my loved one that they were to bring every single challenge and obstacle directly to him in prayer, instead of getting frustrated or exhausted by trying to solve it on their own.  Furthermore, I sensed God telling me to relay to this loved one that as they brought the concerns to God in prayer, they would behold him working miracles on their behalf.

Honestly, this was a giant step of faith for me to relay this.  I was basically telling them that God was going to come through!  And, of course, the human part of me began thinking, “um, what if God doesn’t come through?  Then what will happen to this person’s fledging faith in God?”  But I decided to obey God’s prompting, and God came through!  Within hours of this loved one praying for God to overcome some seemingly impossible obstacles, God graciously and powerfully obliterated those obstacles. Wow!

The lesson I gleaned from this event is simple but huge.  Pray about everything. Seek God’s counsel on everything.  Trust God to powerfully work on your behalf, as long as what you’re asking for is in line with his will.  AND, be thankful, because He is a loving father and He sees you even when your circumstances seem dire.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Use the power of “team” in marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was reflecting recently about how many affairs happen between people who work closely together.  The boss has an affair with his long-time female assistant.  The female newscaster has an affair with the male newscaster who works in the same studio every day.  The pastor has an affair with his long-time secretary.  I realized something profound.  These people ended up having an affair because a super strong emotional bond was created as they worked together as a team over many years.

There is great bonding power when a man and woman work side by side as a team toward a common goal.  As they fight together through challenges and adversity, they bond.  As they work side-by-side over many years, they develop a history of shared experiences and memories that only they know about…and that creates a special bond.  The power of team is highlighted in the well-known verse in Ecclesiastes Chapter 4:  “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Thought for you:  How can you take this knowledge of the “power of team” and use it to foster an even deeper bond between you and your husband?  Can you intentionally begin working together on some common projects or goals?  Think about it…because the “power of team” can create a super strong glue for your marriage.

New path to health and losing weight!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Ladies, I’ve followed these 5 Bible-based principles for 15 years now and have lost weight and felt so much better!   I enjoy really satisfying meals and “healthy” cookies while staying fit!

Principle 1:

Determine to change your approach to eating for the rest of your life!  Each day, decide to eat food that will make you healthy so that you can live the abundant, fruitful life God intends!  Instead of thinking about what you can get away with eating (the unhealthy stuff), choose to eat foods that will MAKE YOU HEALTHY and eliminate foods that make you unhealthy.  P.S.  I cut almost all refined sugar and flour out of my diet 9 years ago and this was transformational!  And the cool thing is, I don’t even crave it anymore at all!

1 Corinthians 6:12  “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.

Principle 2:

Get back to eating food the way that God created it, without adding refined sugar, stripping out healthy fiber or adding chemicals we can’t pronounce!  Humans continue to think they’re smarter than God!  We take the food God created and we mess with it! Cut out processed foods and refined foods.  Start eating whole foods as much as possible.

1 Corinthians 1:19-20:  “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.”  Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?”

Principle 3:

The minute you catch yourself thinking about eating something unhealthy, realize that’s the enemy trying to destroy you again and reject him with a smile of victory on your face!

2 Corinthians 10:5  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ

Principle 4:

Be proactive and have healthy snacks prepared in advance for those times when the devil tempts you to snack when you’re bored or looking for comfort.

1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Principle 5:

Take care of your body by getting moving!! God didn’t design Adam and Eve to sit at a desk 8 hours a day and on a couch for another 8 hours a day!  Determine to exercise 4- 5 days a week.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

How do you rate as a wife?!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but just when I think I’ve finally become spiritually mature, God gently reveals yet another area He wants to transform!  Recently, the Lord has been showing me that the way I “love” my husband might fall a little short of his plan for a wife to be loving toward her husband.  I have a hunch I’m not alone in this shortfall either.  In fact, if all of us were to be totally honest as wives, I think most of us fall short of truly loving our husbands as the Bible defines love.

Let me explain what I mean.  Think about how you “love” your husband.  What comes to mind for me is that I actually “love” the way he makes me feel!  I love the feeling of being loved and cherished and desired and romanced.  I love him because of how I feel being around him.  Oh dear.  That’s not exactly love at all!  That’s called being self-centered.  Ugh.

When I honestly rate my “love” as a wife against the Biblical definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, I must admit that I have a lot of room to grow.  Biblical love is radically different than our culture’s definition of love.  Biblical love is so unusual that it will seem foreign to you and almost impossible.  In fact, without the Holy Spirit’s help, we probably can’t carry it out.  Thank God, we do indeed have the Holy Spirit within us as believers!  So, my prayer moving forward is that God, through the Holy Spirit within me, would help me to display 1 Corinthians 13 love to my husband.  It’s a high bar!  But I’m asking God to help me.  You can too.

Here’s the NIV translation of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Handling disrespect by your husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I keep bumping into beautiful, intelligent women who, for some bizarre reason, allow their husband or boyfriend to treat them horribly.  One gorgeous young woman had her boyfriend spit in her face, and yet she still stayed with him!  What’s up with that?  Do women no longer have any dignity and self-respect?

A wife’s dignity is actually a quality that is highly valued in the Bible.  When describing the wife of “noble character” in Proverbs 31, the Bible says in verse 25 “she is clothed with strength and dignity“.  So, what does the word “dignity” really mean?  The dictionary defines dignity as displaying poise and self-respect.  In other words, a woman of dignity respects herself enough to refuse to be treated disrespectfully!

Don’t believe the lies of the enemy.  Don’t believe that you need to tolerate disrespectful treatment, verbal abuse, or emotional abuse by your man.  That’s a lie!  A dignified woman doesn’t tolerate that.  She confidently, but lovingly, puts boundaries in place and refuses to allow herself to be treated in a dishonoring manner.  A confident woman of dignity trusts God to take care of her even if she has to take drastic steps to protect herself such as breaking up with a disrespectful boyfriend or separating from an abusive husband.  Be courageous. Choose to carry yourself with dignity and self-respect. 

Best question to ask when upset

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

There’s a golden phrase I discovered many years ago.  When I started using it, I found it helped prevent my husband from getting defensive when I was upset or frustrated about something he had said or done.  Instead of accusing him of doing something wrong, I learned to kindly and sincerely ask this question: “Help me understand why…”

This simple question prevents the monster of defensiveness from raising its ugly head.  By asking your husband to “help me understand”, you’re communicating two things to your husband.  1) You really do care about his perspective and feelings, and 2) You’re acknowledging there may actually be a legitimate reason for why he did or said whatever.  At least, you’re giving him a chance to explain himself before you start arguing with him or condemning him!!  

By asking your husband to help you understand his behavior or perspective, you’re avoiding a foolish argument.  Proverbs 18:2 says “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.”  By asking your husband to help you understand his perspective, you’re pleasing both God and your husband by living out the instructions in Philippians 2:4 “Each of you should consider not only your own interests, but also the interests of others.”

Try this phrase when you sense a potential ugly argument is headed your way.  You can not only use this phrase with your husband, but with your children, your in-laws, your co-workers, your boss, and more.  Again, the phrase (actually a question) is….”Help me understand why…”

Your thoughts impact your marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was teaching a class for Christian wives the other day and many of the wives had some really frustrating things happening in their marriages.  However, the most fascinating thing happened as we took a moment to purposefully change the direction of our thoughts. 

We discussed how the devil loves to tempt us to dwell on what is wrong with the people in our lives, as well as our disappointments and frustrations with those people.  So we decided to intentionally focus our thoughts on what was good and right (or at least not wrong!) with our husbands.  We challenged each other to list 5 good qualities about our husbands and then we shared those things out loud.

The most interesting thing happened.  Almost all of us immediately felt much better about our men!  It was so simple, yet so profound.  What we dwell on, and the thoughts that we allow to roam freely in our minds, shape our attitude!  This reminds us of the strategy that Paul offers us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”.

Yes, sometimes you may need to confront your husband if he is sinning against you, but often we simply need to take control of our thought life.  The next time you start on a negative spiral of thought regarding your husband, catch yourself.  Take those thoughts captive.  Lock them up!  Then intentionally begin listing some of his good qualities in your mind.  You may find your heart growing a little warmer toward your guy.

Top 10 Bible verses for wives

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Believe it or not, God has better marriage advice than Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ellen DeGeneres, Oprah, or Kim Kardashian. He created us, so he probably knows how to make relationships work!  He has provided profound relationship principles in the Bible…and when wives apply these principles, amazing things happen!  Broken marriages begin to heal and mediocre marriages begin to thrive.  Here are my Top Ten Bible verses for wives, in no particular order.  As you read these verses, ask God to show you the principle he wants you to apply in your marriage:

1)  Genesis 2:18 “It is not good for man to be alone; I will create a helper suitable for him”

2)  1 Peter 3:4 tells wives to have “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight”

3)  Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”

4)  Titus 2:4-5 “Urge the younger women to love their husbands and children and to be self-controlled and pure”

5)  Proverbs 31:27 “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness”

6)  Ephesians 5:33 “The wife must respect her husband”

7)  Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, just between the two of you.  If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.  But if he does not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.  If he still refuses to listen, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” 

8)  Hebrews 12:15 “See to it that no bitter root grows up among you to cause trouble and defile many.”

9)  1 Corinthians 7:2-3 “Since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

10)  Colossians 3:18 “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord”

An epiphany for your marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Here’s one small but powerful shift in perspective that will change your entire marriage.  Start asking God to help you love the way He describes love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, but especially focusing on that little section in the middle of verse 5 where the Bible says this about love….”it is not self-seeking…”  Mic drop.

Everything changes when I stop focusing on self!  When I start asking God how I can be a blessing to my husband, and how I can reflect His love and grace to my husband, then everything starts to change.  I no longer keep a record of wrongs.  I no longer get easily frustrated and angry.  Disappointment no longer consumes my thoughts.  I’m not easily offended.

When I stop focusing on self, I can even approach sinful patterns in my husband with new boldness because I want the best for HIM, not just me.  I can boldly and firmly request that he gets help, but because I’m not self-focused, I can make those requests respectfully and in love.

I actually bought myself a stainless steel bracelet a while ago and had it engraved to say these words, “It’s not about me”.  I never take it off.  I wear it 24/7.  I need that constant reminder.  How about you?

** or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

Does your marriage need this medicine?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

One of the things that will bond you together with your husband is….laughter!   When you share a common funny experience, it is very bonding.  I still vividly remember an incident many years ago when my late husband Raul and I attended a Seattle Seahawks football game.  I remember clearly and think back on this incident fondly because we bonded through belly laughter!  You see, there was a very vocal young man behind us who was actually quite funny.  He wasn’t crude, just extremely loud, and some of the things he yelled tickled our funny bones!  My husband and I would look at each other for hours afterward and burst out laughing about one of this guy’s funny comments.  When I think of periods in my marriage where my husband and I laughed a lot, those memories bring very warm feelings.  Those shared moments of laughter connected me with my husband.  Shared laughter is very bonding.

Do you play and laugh and flirt with your husband?  Do you try to find humor in daily life?  Do you take yourself seriously all the time or can you laugh at your own little mistakes?  Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”   If your marriage feels kind of dried up, perhaps it needs an infusion of laughter.  Maybe it’s time to start flirting with your husband like you used to.  When is the last time you pinched his tush?  Maybe you need to watch some funny TV shows together.  My husband and I laughed while watching “The West Wing” on Netflix.  Neither one of us had ever watched this show when it first came out. It’s an excellent political drama, but the characters are sometimes so funny!  We also watched old episodes of Frasier and Last Man Standing, and we laughed out loud together often.  Aaaah.  Shared laughter. It’s good medicine for your marriage!