prevent

The decision that saves marriages

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was just reflecting on all the couples I’ve known over the years who faced huge challenges in their marriages, but ended up pushing through the pain and obstacles to overcome and even thrive in their marriages. Yes, some wives saw their marriage end in divorce, but many wives decided to persevere in their marriage, and they are now enjoying the fruit of that perseverance!


Here’s the truth. We will all face times of challenge in our marriages, and during those times, it’s so tempting to throw in the towel. How many of us have thought at one point in our marriage, “I never should have married him.”? Thoughts of ending the marriage can be especially enticing if you’re facing a heartbreaking challenge like a husband engaging in adultery, a harmful addiction, or even abuse.
However, I have seen many wives press through these challenges and come out victorious on the other side with a more mature husband and a much better marriage! Sometimes, it comes down to us making the simple and yet powerful decision to persevere, to endure, to push through the difficulty as you trust in God to work in your husband’s life.


Consider Paul’s message to the church in Colossians 1:9-11, “We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.“


Is it possible God is asking you to persevere through the trial in your marriage? If he is, what should you do as you wait? Seek guidance from God’s Word, meet with a Christian counselor, and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. Sometimes, you may sense that you are to establish serious boundaries with your husband, which might even entail temporary separation. Other times, God might ask you to lovingly encourage your husband and speak truth to him in areas where he has been believing lies of the enemy. Paul also gives us some concise advice in Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Don’t share your girlfriends!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

At the risk of you thinking I’m totally looney, may I suggest that you talk with your husband about clear boundaries regarding your female friends? In other words, he should not be a close “friend” of any of your own girlfriends! I know this might seem old-fashioned or even ridiculous, but many affairs start out with a husband “just talking” with another woman. We need to be careful and alert to the schemes of the enemy!


1 Peter 5:8 says “Be alert and of sober-mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” So, be alert to the enemy’s scheme to get your husband emotionally entangled with one of your friends. He should not spend time with her without you. He should not even be spending time on the phone with her giving advice or listening to her woes. Without him intending to do so, he will slowly find himself developing an emotional bond with your friend, and she will start bonding with him. Danger lies ahead!

How to prevent a nasty fight!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’m on a journey of learning how to do relationships in a healthier, God-directed way! I don’t know about you, but, in the past, when I got really disappointed in my husband or anybody, I tended to go in one of two unhealthy directions. 1) I avoided the potential conflict entirely by clamming up, putting up an ice shield, and then spiraling down into toxic resentment or 2) I let my tongue run wild and blasted the person with both barrels! Neither one of these options yielded good results.


God’s way is so much different and better! He says in Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Gentle words. Gentle words. Gentle words. I need to remind myself of this! God is saying that we can avoid a nasty argument if we speak gently and kindly and maybe even assume the best about the other person instead of giving full vent to our anger.


I vividly remember when I put this into practice several years ago. My late husband was really stressed as we were on a long-distance drive. I was attempting to help with googling a gas station, but my phone ran out of data. Ugh. Then he started getting really sharp with me in his tone. I mean…REALLY sharp. I felt disrespected. And oh boy, I decided that I didn’t deserve that tone and that I was going to tell him what a jerk he was. Yeah, pastor’s wives don’t always have gracious thoughts, apparently. Sigh.


Anyway, somehow God got my attention before I blasted him and God reminded me of Proverbs 15:1. So, I bit my tongue until we got all the way home, and as my husband was about to exit the car, I turned to him, laid a hand softly on his arm and said gently, “I know you love me and you would never intend to hurt me, but the way you talked to me back there was not okay. Please don’t talk to me like that again.” And that was that. No big blow-up. He didn’t feel condemned because I affirmed that I know he loves me. With God’s prompting, I was able to defuse the nasty argument before it could start. Gentle words. Gentle words. Gentle words. Let’s all remember that!