moms

Physical intimacy for the tired wife

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

For many women, especially moms of young children, making love to their husbands seems like yet one more thing on their to-do-list! For an exhausted wife and mother, the idea of carving out time to be physically intimate with her husband sounds about as thrilling as running 15 miles on the treadmill at the gym at 5 o’clock in the morning!

But here’s the thing. We know that most men have an extremely high sex drive. It isn’t their fault. God made them that way. 🙂 So, one of the kindest and most loving things we can do for our husbands is to meet their sexual needs. We need to strive to build a robust sex life with our husbands, and more than likely, you’ll enjoy it too! To be honest, if we don’t have a vibrant sex life within our marriage, we’re setting up each other to subconsciously look for that excitement with someone else. That’s why Paul instructs us in 1 Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”

The question is: How does the exhausted wife (and mother) build a robust sex life that both she and her husband enjoy? Well, I believe she takes a really good look at her schedule of activities and responsibilities to see if there are any things she can cut out. I bet there are some things she could reduce or cut completely! Secondly, she asks her husband for help! Can he put the kids to bed so that she has time to wind down and start thinking about enjoying physical intimacy with her husband? Can he do the dishes after dinner or help the kids with their homework so that she can decompress and maybe take a bubble bath before she and her husband head to bed?

Ask your husband if he would be willing to help with some tasks in the evenings so that you are more able to build a robust sex life with him. I bet it is a trade he is willing to make!

Being appreciated for all you do!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get in a poopy mood (yes, I just used the highly technical term “poopy”!). During my marriage to my late husband Raul, I would get in this grumpy mood when I did something sacrificial for my husband and he didn’t even seem to notice! For instance, even though both my husband and I worked full-time in ministry, I decided that, for a while, I would do all the household cleaning chores so that my husband would be freed up to serve God even more. I did this for a several-month stretch one year.


Did I enjoy vacuuming, dusting, cleaning toilets? No, I did not. Did I sometimes feel grumpy when I cleaned the house after already working a full day? Yes, I did. But then I thought, “well, at least my husband will sing my praises when he gets home and notices all I’ve done”. However, even though I subtly pointed out to him what I had done, much to my shock, sometimes he didn’t say anything at all. What!?!


It’s at that time that God graciously reminded me that He noticed all I had done, and He was pleased. I know that God was pleased whenever I served my husband because God instructs us in Matthew 9:35 that “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
God always notices what we’re doing even when no one else sees it! In Matthew 6:4, the Bible reminds us that “your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Let’s take heart that we are pleasing the “right” man when we serve our others sacrificially. That right man is Jesus.

Does God want you to stop?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’re like most women, you’re busy…REALLY busy. Most of us are multi-taskers to the max. We are trying to balance housekeeping, with nurturing children, with investing in our marriage, with maybe even working full-time outside the home. Oh, and you might be trying to help out at the local food bank or your church too! More than likely, you’re exhausted, stressed, and maybe even a bit cranky. Did I hit that nail on the head?


How about if we all intentionally slow down? What if you and I were to ask God in prayer for His direction on where we can cut something out of our busy lives? Is there a better way to divide responsibilities in our home? Should you cut out one of the kid’s activities?


Do you simply need to take 10 or 15 minutes twice a day to be still with God? Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”. Maybe it’s time for us to carve out some time to be still for a few minutes each day, perhaps with a cup of lemonade sitting outside on a summer day or snuggled in a comfy chair listening to worships music on a winter day. I have a feeling that we will find our stress drain away as we enter a time of stillness, and as we become less stressed, everyone around us will benefit! In fact, your husband may become the biggest fan of your “be still” time with God! You’ll probably be less cranky. Lol


And by the way, I believe God is calling us to be still in a different way as well. In Psalm 37:7, the Bible says “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…” Perhaps God is asking you to calm down in the middle of a challenge, give your anxiety and fear to the Lord, and then wait patiently for Him to respond to your prayers before charging ahead! Maybe this is another way He is asking you to be still. Just a thought.

7 ways to pray for husband & kids

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

God recently drew my attention to 6 key verses in the book of Philippians and 1 in Ephesians. They are verses He highlighted as especially powerful and transformational, and I sensed Him urging me to pray these verses on behalf of my husband, children and grandchildren. If I were to summarize, praying these 7 verses will cause your loved ones to understand the depth of God’s love for them, live a fulfilling, effective and productive life for His kingdom, and be filled with peace and gratitude. Awesome! Here are the 7 verses to pray, and you can basically insert your loved one’s name in each verse:

Ephesians 1:4-5 Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.

Philippians 1:9-11 I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. 10 For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. 11 May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God.

Philippians 2:3-4 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Philippians 2:13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:8 dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

Facing something daunting?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If we could all truly embrace the Biblical principle of taking just one day at a time, we would all be better off! Yes, this is a Bible principle. Jesus says in Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” In other words, instead of worrying and fretting about the “what if…” questions, Jesus tells us to just focus on doing what we should do today.
How does this apply to you? If it seems overwhelming to you to put your marriage back together after betrayal, just choose to move forward, one day at a time. If you tend to avoid confronting your husband or establishing boundaries on wrong behavior because you fear the possibility of future tension, trust in Jesus and move forward, one day at a time. If it seems daunting to take off the 50 pounds you’ve gained in recent years, don’t think about how hard this is going to be for the rest of your life. Just choose to eat healthy today and take it one day at a time.
Worrying about the future is pointless. Being consumed by the “what if…” questions will only keep you trapped in fear. Let’s do what Jesus says. Let’s decide each morning to do what we know we should do that day, and let’s trust God to handle tomorrow.