Do you no longer feel “in love” with your husband?

Have you lost that “in love” feeling with your husband?  Are you feeling like there should be more in your relationship?  There could be some major problems in your marriage that need to be addressed.  However, it could be that you’ve fallen prey to the notion that your relationship with your husband should resemble the thrill of new romance portrayed in chick flicks and romance novels.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love watching a good romantic movie like The Proposal with Sandra Bullock.  I enjoy reading Christian romance novels.  However…you and I have to be so careful that we don’t start subconsciously thinking our marriages should have that constant thrill of new romance.  That’s unrealistic.  There is no way we’re going to be “twitterpated” (like Thumper in the Bambi movie) all the time!  Also, our husbands couldn’t possibly be as breathtaking as the men portrayed in the romantic comedies or as perfect as the men in the Christian romance novels!  It’s all a beautiful delusion from the enemy who wants to destroy your marriage.   I guess we shouldn’t be surprised.  The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 11:14 “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light

And here’s one more caution.  Did you realize that many romantic comedies actually promote a woman leaving the man she’s with to find the “true soul mate” awaiting her?  Yikes!  We get so involved with the romance story that we don’t even notice this is the case!  Think of Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With The Wind.  She pines away for the man who’s already married to someone else.  In Sleepless In Seattle, Meg Ryan’s character is engaged but feels there must be someone better out there.  The list goes on and on.  So, let’s be careful to avoid unrealistic expectations of our men and our marriages.

Something you must do when disagreements arise

It’s vital for you and your spouse to come into agreement on the major issues within your marriage, such as finances, parenting, time spent on recreation, frequency of sex, etc.  You must come into agreement because division in a marriage often leads to the eventual collapse of that marriage.  God’s word even states this.  In Matthew 12:25, Jesus says “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.”

So, what should you do if you and your spouse are consistently divided in a specific area?  Do NOT just throw your hands up in the air and give up!  You must decide to respectfully, but thoroughly, discuss the issue with your husband UNTIL you reach an agreement!  You MUST persevere until the issue is resolved!

Ask God for the right timing and ask God to prepare your heart and your husband’s heart for the conversation ahead.  The goal is to reach a compromise that you can both support.  And, if you can’t reach such a compromise on your own, then seek help from a pastor, counselor, or mentor couple.  Do whatever you need to do to come into agreement with your husband on this issue.  It will bring peace to you, your marriage, and your household!

P.S.  If the disagreement stems from your husband wanting to do something immoral, then compromise isn’t the right option!  In that case, you will likely want to see help from a counselor or pastor, and you may have to establish boundaries in the relationship.

These simple things will draw your husband to you!

You want a quick and easy way to show respect to your husband and improve your marriage?  Just notice a few small things your husband seems to appreciate and then…..do them!  What a concept!  I mean, why wouldn’t we want to please our husbands?  Why wouldn’t we want to be kind and thoughtful?  Colossians 3:12 tells us “as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”  So, if we could do just a couple things differently, in a way that our husbands prefer, why wouldn’t we extend that kindness to them?

Let me give you some examples.  My husband insists that if we load the dishwasher in a certain way, it cleans the silverware better.  (I don’t think it makes any difference!).  But, I do it the way he likes…because it pleases him.  I know my husband loves it when I leave a little note of encouragement for him on the kitchen counter at least once a week.  So I intentionally do that every week.  I know my husband really appreciates a clean kitchen counter, so I try to keep the counters tidy. Why wouldn’t I want to please him in such a small way?  I’m not saying a wife should have no opinion and should simply be a doormat for her husband.  But I think God would be pleased if I stopped only thinking of myself and started thinking a little more about blessing my husband!

How about you?  Could you intentionally take note of a few things your husband really appreciates, and then actually do some of those things?  It would make him feel respected.  It would draw his heart to you. It would likely improve your marriage.  Sometimes, it’s the little things…

Your prayers could change your husband and family!

Are you and your husband at odds?  Are you discouraged in your marriage?  Pray.  Are you longing for more intimacy and love in your marriage?  Pray.  Are you concerned about the choices your husband or children are making?  Pray.  Prayer really can change everything!  James 5:16 says “The prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective.”

I have witnessed God do absolutely amazing things when I have prayed with total faith in His mighty power. I have witnessed miraculous healings.  I have seen God soften my husband’s heart in areas.  I have witnessed loved ones turn to Christ for the very first time.  I have witnessed God supernaturally supplying much needed financial help in the nick of time.  I have even seen God “heal” completely broken computerized equipment in our sound studio!

Here’s the thing.  I don’t have the power to do any of those miracles.  I especially don’t have the power to change my husband’s heart or my children’s hearts….but God can and does change hearts!   In Ezekiel 36:26-27, God says “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.  I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”  Awesome!  So, seek God in prayer.  Be persistent in your prayers for your husband and children.  Your situation might seem impossible, but nothing is too hard for God.  He can even change hearts.

Dealing with financial strain in marriage

So many couples, especially young couples, argue over money.   They disagree over how much to spend, how much to save, the financial priorities, whether to help loved ones in need, whether to give to the church, and on and on.

You might not be aware, but the Bible actually gives a ton of guidance on how to handle money and possessions!  I have found 3 particular Bible principles to be especially helpful for couples who have been suffering from financial tension and strain in their marriages.  Allow me to summarize those principles for you.  (You can look up the verses for yourself and ask the Lord to counsel you directly).

Bible Principle 1:  Live intentionally below your means!  (Hebrews 13:5)  So many couples are under heavy financial strain because there is no real cushion in their budget.  They’ve bought the biggest house they could possibly afford or the most expensive car they could afford, and then when something unexpected comes up, they become super stressed-out and start ugly arguments!

Bible Principle 2:  Don’t wear yourself out or stress yourself out by working too much to accumulate possessions and wealth because those things will mean nothing at the end of your life.  The only thing that will matter is your love for the Lord and the people he placed in your life. (Proverbs 23:4)

Bible Principle 3:  Take a step of faith and cheerfully give some of your money back to the work of the Lord because He promises to reward those who trust Him by doing so!  (Malachi 3:10).  I’ve done this faithfully for several decades whether I felt like I had the money to give or not.  The Lord has always provided for me, sometimes in strange and unusual ways!

Insist on being yourself in the bedroom!

What do I mean by “being yourself in the bedroom?” Well, unfortunately, I frequently hear stories from women about how their husbands are asking them to do increasingly bizarre things in the bedroom.  Their guys want them to perform rather perverse sex acts, or dress like a stripper and do a pole dance, or dress like a dominatrix with whips and chains.

Why are many husbands asking these things of their wives?  It’s likely because they’ve seen such stuff in pornography and they’re trying to replicate it with you!  I don’t know about you, but I don’t think this is ok.  Does it seem right that your husband would use you to try to recreate a fantasy featuring another woman he saw on a porn site?  At that point, your husband isn’t even making love to you.  It’s only about the sex act and you’re just playing a role.

The Bible instructs husbands in 1 Peter 3:7 “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”  It is not respectful for your husband to ask you to play the role of some fantasy character from a porn site!  I believe it’s right for you to insist that you get to be yourself in the bedroom.  Yes, as wives, we can wear sexy lingerie and yes, we certainly should want to please our husbands, but let’s agree to be ourselves, and not some high school cheerleader or dominatrix!  That’s my take on the subject. What do you think?

Dealing with a husband’s temper or anger

Does your husband tend to give full vent to his temper when you disagree with his opinion or his desires?  When you guys have a conflict, does he end up yelling at you or saying mean things?  When this happens, deep heart wounds occur.  There must be a better way to handle conflict!  Here are a couple things you can do to help put out his anger fire before it scorches you:

1) If a disagreement is starting to get a bit ugly, YOU can simply stop arguing! Tell your husband that you love him and you want to take a time-out before discussing the issue further.  Tell him that you’re going to think and pray about his perspective and that you’d love him to do the same for you.  Then agree to talk about it again later that day or tomorrow.

2)  Remain calm even if your husband does not.  Refuse to match his loud volume or hurtful comments.  In fact, if he becomes emotionally abusive, calmly tell him you do not allow anyone to speak to you that way, and then walk away.  If he follows you and continues the emotional abuse, get in your car and drive away.  Do not tolerate aggressive, harsh, or wounding treatment from your husband during conflict.  That is not God’s plan for how a wife should be treated.  Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”