find

Most men find this disrespectful

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’re anything like me, there’s a good chance that you may sound too much like a “mother” instead of a wife when talking to your husband, at least from time to time.  I still remember the time a few years ago that I caught myself sounding like my husband’s mother.  He was heading out the door and for some reason, I felt compelled to say, “Don’t forget to eat some breakfast before you go”.   Really?  Did I need to say that?!   Did my husband really need me to point out that he should remember to feed himself?  What?  Is he 3 years old or something?  Oh brother.

When we remind our husbands about things that would be obvious to any adult, we’re actually being disrespectful.  Ouch.  It’s as if we’re telling our husbands that we don’t think they’re capable of making basic, reasonable decisions.  We sound like we’re talking to a toddler!  “Don’t forget to take a coat.”…”Be careful that you don’t hurt yourself with that hammer”…”Let me explain to you how to do _________.”

Let’s keep in mind the Bible’s instruction to wives in Ephesians 5:33, where God says “the wife must respect her husband”.  Men crave the respect of their wives just like women desire to be deeply cherished.  Don’t communicate disrespect to your husband by talking to him like he’s an ignorant or helpless child who needs a mother to guide him.

Desperation is actually good!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I know this might seem counterintuitive, but I’ve learned that finding myself in a state of desperation can actually turn out to be a good thing!  As I think back on all the deeply challenging, heart-breaking moments in my life, I can see a common thread.  When I chose to turn to mind-numbing pacifiers in those desperate times (such as food, shopping, reading endless novels, etc) the pain didn’t stop and I continued to sink into hopelessness, anxiety and depression.  But when I chose to cry out to God and desperately sought a touch from Him, I encountered God’s comfort and love in a profound way!

Interestingly, I suspect I would have never encountered God in such a deep and meaningful way if I had not found myself in desperate need of Him.  In other words, it’s usually in the bleak and heart-breaking moments of life that we will actually experience God at a richer level because, only in those moments of desperation, do we tend to cry out to Him!  God is waiting for us to reach for Him, but often we forget to do so when life is going fairly well. 

Could it be that God is actually allowing that current challenge in your life so that you will turn to Him in your desperation and experience His love, guidance and comfort in a life-changing way?  He promises you a dramatic encounter with Him if you will earnestly seek Him.   Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you see me with all your heart”. 

How to attract husband’s heart

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

So, you’re married, but after 2 years or 22 years, the excitement and romance can easily fade, especially when children enter the picture!  How can a wife continue to capture her husband’s heart year after year?

1 Peter 3:1-4 gives us some clues.   Read verses 1 through 4 slowly.  Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Two insights popped out at me.  How about you?  First, a husband is drawn to a wife who chooses to yield/submit to his leadership.  This is such a huge sign of respect in a man’s eyes!  And so many surveys of men reveal that they all yearn for respect.  Secondly, a wife will have unfading beauty if she interacts with her husband in a soft, gentle way.  This is also super respectful in a man’s eyes.  No man is drawn to an aggressive, argumentative, critical wife who challenges him at every turn!

And I would like to add one more insight that I’ve simply learned from experience.  Carry yourself with confidence and self-respect.  Men are repelled by a woman who is clingy and needy, and they are drawn to women who are strong and confident (and maybe even a bit playfully sassy!), and yet who allow the man to “rescue” her from time to time. 😊

Bouncing back from hardship or loss

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Almost every wife will eventually encounter a tough time in her marriage.  We’re all going to experience heartbreak and challenges in our lives in general.  The question is this.  Why are some people able to bounce back from adversity relatively quickly, and why do others seem to remain stuck?

At the risk of you hating me 🙂 …I’ll be honest and let you know that I tend to be very resilient.  After an initial period of shock and grief, I’m usually able to quickly pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward.  After pondering this ability with God, allow me to share a 3-word insight that might help you become more resilient too.

I trust God.  Period. Three little words that mean everything!  I have decided to believe what the Bible says….that God is in control and that His ways are perfect.  I have decided to believe the Bible truth that God can and will bring something good out of my hardship.  This is what we learn at the end of Joseph’s painful story in Genesis, where Joseph proclaims in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good...”   I also take heart from Romans 8:28, where God says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I can bounce back because I trust God and because He says He will never leave me nor forsake me.  Do you truly trust God?  It’s a decision you get to make, and it makes all the difference.

Battling hopelessness or melancholy

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When we are going through a difficult season in our marriage, or faced with any challenging situation, we tend to feel so alone in our distress. We tend to feel a sort of melancholy sweep over us, which leads to a feeling of emptiness or hopelessness. It feels like no one really understands. It feels like no one really cares. However, I’ve come to realize that those “feelings” are not correct! It’s also dawned on me that the enemy of our souls is busy whispering lies to us to try to get us to align ourselves with the feeling of despair, hopelessness, and emptiness. He throws fuel on the fire by whispering “you’re all alone” and “no one understands”, and “your situation will never change”, and “no one really cares”.


We must catch ourselves when we sense hopelessness or melancholy starting to invade. At that very moment, we need to refuse to align with the lies of the enemy. Instead, we must begin actively coaching ourselves with truth from God’s Word! Mediate on these 6 powerful bits of Scripture when you’re feeling alone and battling with hopelessness, emptiness or melancholy:


Psalm 73:23-24 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Psalm 40:1-2 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
Hebrews 13:5 God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Psalm 34:17-18 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

How to get unstuck

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Most every person I know struggles with something, and often in the midst of that struggle, we get stuck in a rut. Even though we don’t like where we are, we often do the very things that keep us mired down in that area.


Some people get stuck in a rut regarding a dysfunctional coping mechanism such as drinking too much alcohol, or overeating, or over-shopping! Other people get stuck in a rut in terms of unhealthy and unhelpful communication with their family members. They might get stuck in the habit of yelling and criticizing or complaining. And still other people get stuck in a rut regarding depression and despair. Obviously, no one wants to stay in this rut, but we can’t seem to get ourselves unstuck!

Please allow me to share a few Bible insights that have really helped me get unstuck so I can move forward with joy, peace, and hope.


1) I’ve learned to do what Paul teaches in Philippians 3:13-14…. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus”. Let me make this personal. I lost my husband to Covid in 2021. It was shocking. It was devastating. My world tipped upside down. And I could have easily got stuck in depression and even resentment toward God. However, I distinctly remember the moment I decided to pivot from the pain and turn forward, asking God to open up new adventures and new joys in my life. That was a choice. It was a really good one. I was able to heal and start grabbing hold of joy again.


2) I’ve learned to pause and consult God when I notice dysfunctional habits in my life. I ask Him to change my heart so that I desire good things, healthy things, and behavior that please Him. On my own, I don’t really have the strength to make these changes, but when God comes in and changes my heart in response to prayer, then I have the strength and strong desire necessary to make those changes! Listen to what God says in Ezekiel 36:26-27 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws“. Ask God to change your heart. That’s the first step in getting unstuck from bad habits and unhealthy behavior.

Is this challenge a test?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We’re all going to encounter challenges along life’s journey. Some of you may be in the middle of a marriage crisis. Some of you are facing a health or financial challenge. Or maybe you are in the middle of a really difficult situation with one of your children, or your mother-in-law. It’s so natural in the middle of those challenges to throw up your hands in despair. It’s even tempting to give up on believing that God is good and has a plan to bring something good out of the painful trial.
But have you considered that God may be allowing that trial to test whether your faith is genuine? Psalm 11:5 says, “The Lord tests the righteous…” Maybe God is waiting to see whether you’re only willing to trust Him and obey Him when times are good. Maybe God is asking you stay steady and calm in the middle of the storm as you stubbornly keep your eyes on Him. Maybe God is testing you to see if you truly believe that He is good and will bring something good out of this distressing situation. Afterall, He makes that promise in Romans 8:28.
What will you do during the challenge or trial? What you do, and how you react, reveal what you actually believe about God. Is your faith solid? Is your faith genuine? Can your trust in God withstand the test?

** or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

Handling devil-inspired thoughts

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Don’t you sometimes wish you could silence the voices in your head? You may hear the voice that runs you down and reminds you of your failures…or conversely, you may hear a voice that tells you your husband is a loser and you’re doomed to a life of misery. Either kind of thought is from the pit of hell!

We MUST examine every thought rolling around in our heads and determine whether it’s true or whether it’s a twisting of the truth that’s inspired by Satan. Remember, Satan’s mission is “to steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10). He wants to slowly crush you with the weight of his lies about your value, your future and your husband.

2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to “take every thought captive” and we really need to do that. The next time a self-deprecating thought enters your mind, stop and ask God if this is really true. (I bet it won’t be!) The next time a hopeless thought enters your mind, ask God if it’s true. (I know it won’t be!). The next time you have the thought that your husband is beyond redemption, ask God if that’s true. (Absolutely not!). It’s time we stopped believing every thought that pops into our minds! We must intentionally pause and ask God whether that thought is true or from the devil. Here’s a simple, but hugely clarifying, question to ask yourself in that moment: “Does this sound like something God would say?”

Dating tips for Christian women

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I never thought I would be dating again late in life, but when my beloved husband Raul passed away in November of 2021, I sensed that God was saying he would provide another husband as my life partner for the rest of my years. So I began that crazy, sometimes frustrating, journey of dating!
I began applying some of the dating insights I had gleaned over my many years here on this earth along with guiding Bible principles. So, I want to pass on some of that to you in this short little devotional.
First, God makes it clear that a Christian should not be linked in close partnership with an unbeliever. 2 Corinthians 6:14 Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? This is critical! If you end up marrying an unbeliever, Satan has total entry to wreak havoc in your marriage! You two will not be pulling the same direction. Also, without the Bible as a moral compass, your husband will have no constraints on immoral or disrespectful behavior, and that can definitely lead to heartbreak for you.
Next, keep in mind that a lot of guys might SAY they are a Christian, and they might even attend church, but that does NOT mean they are a true follower of Jesus. You need to look for evidence of Christ’s presence in their life. Do they show any fruit of the spirit? Galatians 5:22-23 the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.
And here’s one other huge tip. Stay sexually pure while dating. Save sex until your marriage. This is clearly God’s will, and when we obey God, he blesses us. I don’t know about you but I want to have God’s blessing!! Here are 4 quick little tips to avoid falling into sexual sin while dating:
1) Don’t get horizontal!
2) Don’t stay overnight at each other’s homes even if you have good intentions to sleep on the couch.
3) Don’t stay together after midnight because that’s usually when temptation creeps in.
4) Resist the urge to French kiss before marriage. I know it’s tempting, but it’s also super arousing and may lead to where you vowed not to go until marriage!