family

Stress & tension in your home

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Is there a lot of tension in your home? Are you or your husband stressed much of the time? There’s likely an imbalance in one or both of your lives! I know that was sometimes the case for me and my husband Raul over the years. In our situation, we got so bent on running ministries, counseling others, and helping take care of grandchildren that there was little to no time at all for us to simply relax and get filled back up. God didn’t intend for us to be so “driven” that we became grouchy, irritable, cantankerous people!

On the other hand, Satan wants you to be so busy that you become stressed, pay no attention to nurturing your marriage or yourself, and then both you and your marriage slowly wither and die. But Jesus says He wants us to enjoy life to the full! Meditate on what Jesus says in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”.

All work and no play is a formula for disaster. We need to intentionally carve out some “down time” for rest, recreation and fun. When my husband and I could feel the stress mounting, we would choose to get away for a day or a weekend. We relaxed, and it was rejuvenating! Our stress level decreased. My goodness, even Jesus needed to get away from the stress of his work to spend quiet time alone. Luke 5:16 says Jesus “often withdrew to desolate places and prayed” Is there an adjustment you need to make in your schedule or a weekend get-away that you need to plan for you and your husband?

Help husband be the spiritual leader

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Many women lament the fact that their husbands won’t pray with them and their husbands aren’t really the spiritual leader….but, here’s something I’ve observed over the years that may shed some light on your predicament.  If you want your husband to become the spiritual leader of your family, you have to stop being the leader yourself!  Sometimes women, including myself, can be so eager to bring spiritual disciplines into our family life that we leave no gap for the husband to fill.  Perhaps this is why God repeatedly instructs wives to be submissive!  Titus 2:5 tells women to be “self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands”. 

In other words, instead of you jumping in and praying for the kids when they get tucked into bed at night, you could ask your husband for his help with that.  If you would like the Bible to be read aloud after dinner, tell your husband you love the sound of his voice when he reads and ask him if he would read the Bible.  After he has read the Bible passage, ask him what he thinks God is saying…and then listen attentively to his answer.  When you’re not feeling well, you could tell him it would mean the world to you if he were to just lay a hand on your shoulder and say a simple prayer.  Even a one-sentence prayer is fine.  And when he does any of these things, be encouraging and thankful!  Build him up.

When a woman takes over any area of leadership, many men will simply back off.  So, if you want your husband to become the spiritual leader of your home, you need to allow there to be a bit of a void in that area. Then ask him for his help.  🙂

Tips for joy & laughter in family

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t quite remember where I heard this, but it has stuck with me even though I heard it 20 years ago.  Make it your aim to fill your house with so much love and joy that the laughter of your family bounces off the walls!  Wow!  Don’t we all want that?  I know I do.

So how do we get there?  I believe the Bible reveals several keys to bringing joy and laughter into our homes.  First, choose an attitude of hope instead of dwelling on a big, hairy list of all the things that are wrong in your life!  Proverbs 10:28 says “The hope of the righteous brings joy“.    Second, eliminate some things from your schedule if you are becoming grumpy due to exhaustion and stress.  Isaiah 30:15 says “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”   And third, have a sense of humor!  Be playful. Allow yourself to be goofy sometimes!  Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine“. 

Oh, and one more thing.  If you are holding bitterness and resentment against your spouse, deal with that.  If it is the result of something that happened a long time ago, you need to let it go!!  If it’s the result of an ongoing pattern of sin against you, then you will need to respectfully confront your husband.  Ongoing resentment will suck all the laughter and joy out of your home.

How to gain more peaceful home

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You know the saying “If mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy”?  It’s so true!  So if you’ve noticed your kids have been acting up a lot and/or your husband is grouchy, one possible reason is because YOU are not peaceful.  Your mood and your stress are contagious.

Ask God to reveal to you what things may be causing a foul mood or extra stress in your life, and then ask Him to show you if there are things you can do to improve the situation.  Is there something stressful in your life that you should eliminate?  Do you need to ask God to help you forgive someone instead of holding onto bitterness and resentment? 

Do whatever it takes to regain a peaceful and gentle spirit.  God instructs wives to have such a demeanor in 1 Peter 3:3-4 where He says, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  Let’s become beautiful to our husbands and children by cultivating that gentle and quiet spirit.  You may have to make some changes in your schedule, but it will be worth it!

Ideas for fun times with family

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

One way to bond with your husband (and your children) is to share fun, wacky, or unique times together.  When we laugh together, we bond.  When we share a silly or wacky moment together with others, then we bond.  When we share a unique adventure or event, we bond.  Sharing those fun moments brings a smile to our face….and that smile is very healing for relationships!  In fact, the Bible says in Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”

To obtain this good “medicine” for your marriage and your family, you need to be intentional.  Get out your calendar and make a note at least every other month to plan a special, wacky, or unique event!  Let me give you some examples of things our family has done together. 

We have all dressed up in our PJs and gone to Dairy Queen for ice cream.  We have hosted costume theme parties where the entire family gets dressed up and comes together for dinner.  We have had dinner with a “lights out” theme, where we could use no appliances for cooking and we had to eat by candlelight.  We did a caveman dinner where all the food had to be eaten without utensils, even pork ‘n beans!!  Be creative.  Be silly.  Laugh.  You will bond and create warm memories.