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Forgiving relatives who hurt you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Wounds received by a person in close relationship with you are especially damaging.  Whether it’s your mom, your husband, your sister or your grandpa….when a loved one says something or does something hurtful, the wound cuts exceptionally deep.  After all, you were supposed to be able to trust that relative to love you!  As a result, we’re often stunned when their behavior cuts like a knife instead.

As a believer, we know we’re instructed by God to forgive those who sin against us, but that’s quite a heavy-lift when the person who sinned against us was supposed to be a person we could totally trust.  So, how do we forgive a relative who has sinned against us?  Here are 4 quick insights from the Bible.

  1. It’s essential that you remind yourself that both you and that relative are sinners and you both are in need of mercy and grace!  Sometimes, we conveniently forget that we have also let people down or sinned against people in the past.  Once you remind yourself that you too are a sinner, it’s much easier to forgive that other person, because they kind of resemble you!  Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
  2. Pray for God to give you a compassionate heart and unconditional love for that relative, because that’s how God treats you and I, even though we are sinners.  Psalm 103:8 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.”
  3. Make the decision to release that relative from your desire to punish them or seek revenge for what they did to you.   This is what God instructs in Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 
  4. Because trust has been broken in a close relationship, ask God (and perhaps some godly mentors) whether you should have any boundaries with that relative moving forward.  If staying in close relationship with this person could cause serious physical, emotional, mental or spiritual harm to you, God may want you to keep your distance, at least for a period of time.  Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.

You are not forgotten or alone

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, during the really challenging moments in life, we feel all alone in the struggle. The enemy of our soul starts whispering lie after lie. He tells us God doesn’t care. He tells us nobody understands. He whispers that we are all alone and nobody will help us. What a bunch of filthy lies!


The truth is that if you believe Jesus died on the cross for your sins and if you have chosen to follow Him as the leader of your life, then God will never leave you…not for one second! Others might abandon you and others might disappoint you, but God tells us in His Word that He will never leave us or forsake us. You can read that in Hebrews 13:5. We also read in Psalm 27:10 that even if our mom and dad desert us, the Lord will hold us close. Hallelujah!


Here’s something else that occurred to me recently. When someone asks me to pray for them due to a super challenging situation, I always seem to be prompted to pray “Lord, hold ______ in the palm of your hand.” Frankly, I’ve always kind of wondered why I feel prompted to pray that way. Why do I tend to ask God to hold them in the “palm of His hand”? Well, I stumbled across the reason the other day. I found it in Isaiah 49:14-16 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…” Wow! God has engraved your name on the palm of His hand. He will never forget you. He is holding you tenderly, always.

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7 words when others hurt you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment


We’re all going to be hurt by others during the course of our lives, sometimes over and over again! The question is not “How do I avoid being hurt by others” because you can’t control other people. The real question to ask is, “How can I heal and move on with hope, peace and joy?” Over many years of helping women, and after recovering from numerous heartbreaking offenses myself, I’ve come to realize that seven words are key.
The first 3 words are: That was wrong. You need to be able to tell your story to a compassionate listener who then validates the wound by saying those precious words, “That was wrong”. Something very healing happens the moment someone else listens to your story, shows empathy for the pain you suffered, and then validates that the person who wounded you was wrong to do so. This is Biblical. 1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” You need to hear those words, “That was wrong.” So, ask God to lead you to that person who can be a compassionate listener to your story.
However, after you’ve told your story to that compassionate listener, and after a short time of grieving your pain with the Lord, you then need to move on to the other 4 words: Pivot from your pain. Far too many people get stuck in their pain and subconsciously develop a victim identity. This is NOT God’s plan for you! God doesn’t intend for you to be sidelined with grief, mired down in hopelessness, or burdened with a victim mindset. He actually instructs you to forget the past and turn forward with hopeful anticipation! Isaiah 43:18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing!”
So, after receiving empathy from that compassionate listener, stubbornly pivot from the pain and look forward. Ask God to show you the purposes He has for you this day, purposes that will bring you joy and peace. God has good plans for you! Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.