I thought that title would get your attention!! 🙂 However, I’m not talking about guys lusting after scantily-clad Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Instead, I’m talking about how men are naturally drawn to women who are cheerleaders in the sense of being their supporters and encouragers. So let me ask you this question. Does your husband sense that you are his cheerleader?
Most men struggle with feeling inadequate. Most men wrestle with feeling like a failure. Many men may never put effort into being a better father, husband, employee, or disciple of Jesus because they fear failure. In other words, they’d rather not try at all if it means they could risk the embarrassment of people noticing them failing in their endeavor. Perhaps this is why God instructed Joshua over and over again to “be strong and courageous” (Joshua 1:9). Joshua’s natural bent was to fear failure instead of stepping out with courage.
This is where a wife can make a huge difference! By speaking words of encouragement and affirmation and respect, your husband may find the courage to move forward. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 instructs us to “encourage one another and build each other up”. By becoming your husband’s cheerleader, your man may risk failure to step out and seek to be become a stronger, and more godly, leader of your family. Wouldn’t that be awesome?!
My question for you today has to do with the way you kiss your husband!! Do you kiss him in a way that makes him feel wanted and desired? If so, you are a wise woman who is breathing life into her marriage. On the other hand, do you kiss your husband reluctantly or in a passionless way? If so, you could be contributing to the slow death of your marriage.
Your husband needs to feel desired by you. He wants to be your sexual hero. Your response to his kisses tells your man a lot. When you press into the kiss with passion, he feels wanted and becomes a more confident man. The bride in the Song of Songs understood this. She made sure her groom knew how much she loved his kisses. In Song of Songs 1:2 she says “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is more delightful than wine.”
So, this week I challenge you to kiss your husband deeply, as in more than one second!! Press into the kiss with passion. Not only will this be a blessing to him, but I bet you will reap some benefits as well. As he revels in your love, he will likely be more attentive toward you. 🙂 In fact, you might want to intoxicate him with your love, as the Bible mentions in Proverbs 5:18-19. A husband who is intoxicated with his wife does not stray!
— or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO HERE
When’s the last time you said it? You probably think I’m asking about the last time you told your husband “I love you”, but that’s not where I’m leading. My question is this: When is the last time you admitted to your husband that you were wrong? We like to pretend as if we’re never “wrong”, but that’s not only prideful, it’s not true!
Think about it. Have you been disrespectful toward your husband by rolling your eyes or by using cutting sarcasm? Have you given him the look that basically says “you’re a jerk” or “you disgust me”? Have you been stressed or frustrated about something unrelated to him and lashed out at your husband because he happened to be present? (I did that just yesterday! Ugh.)
If you want to be even more beautiful to your husband, be humble and admit when you are out of line or just plain wrong. You might believe that confessing your wrongs will put you in a weak position in your marriage, but the opposite is true. Proverbs 28:13 says “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Oh, and by the way, instead of simply saying “I’m sorry”, go a step further in humility by saying “I was wrong. Please forgive me.”
It’s natural during disagreement with our husbands to believe you’re right, he’s wrong, and you must convince him of that! However, if we stay stuck in that mindset, the battle only heats up. He gets defensive. You get defensive. Usually, the situation either evolves into yelling and ugly accusations or a silent, but deadly cold war. There is a better way and it begins with rethinking your end goal.
What if your goal was not to “win” the argument or change his mind? What if the goal was to reach a compromise or solution that addresses the biggest concerns of you both? Seriously. Think about it. Now you both win and there are no losers. This means that you both agree to consider the other person’s perspective, fears, values, and concerns. From there, you begin to present ideas that might address both of your main concerns. Philippians 2:4 reminds us “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
So, the next time you and your husband start to have a significant disagreement, suggest that you would like to sit down together and better understand his perspective and concerns. Then gently share your concerns, and ask him to join you in brainstorming a solution or compromise that would be the best fit for both of you.
Recently, God has prompted me to consider who is truly on the throne in my life. Am I really putting God at the center of my focus, or is everything actually about me? Drat. I have to be honest and say that when it comes right down to it, I tend to filter everything in my life and my marriage through the question “what will make me happy”. How about you?
What if we changed the question? I am suggesting that we start looking at our husbands, our marriage, our children, our work, and everything through the question “how can I please God at this moment?” I believe this could radically change our relationships. In Matthew 6:33 Jesus reminds us to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well“. In other words, we should strive to please God in all we do and we can trust Him to meet all our needs in return.
The world tries to convince you to focus on you. The message is “you should focus on what makes you feel happy at the moment and you will be fulfilled.” Unfortunately, this “formula” almost never works. The Bible turns that equation upside down. God tells us to focus on pleasing Him even when it doesn’t seem like you will be happy, and then you will indeed find true fulfillment and joy.
What if you were to ask the Lord to show you how HE wants you to treat your husband this week and how HE wants you to handle difficult situations with your husband? I wonder how your marriage would change? Shall we try God’s upside-down formula this week?
— or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO HERE
Even if you have a great marriage, we will all experience moments of frustration with our husbands from time to time. Well, one key to resolving those frustrations (and avoiding them in the future) is to understand the cause. In my experience, the cause is typically “unmet expectations”. We consciously or even subconsciously expect our husbands to act in a certain way, and when they don’t, we get really frustrated!
So, here’s a nugget of wisdom that may be the remedy for you and for me. Clearly communicate your expectations to your husband! Duh! I know this sounds too simple, but honestly, we are often at fault for holding expectations but failing to clearly reveal those expectations to our men. We act like our husbands are mind-readers and should “just know”. News flash: Most men don’t “just know”. They don’t think like women and they don’t know what you expect and desire from them. In fact, when we fail to communicate what we want, we’re not really being honest with them.
Let’s bless our husbands by being honest about our expectations. Proverbs 24:26 says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips“!! Start to clearly communicate your expectations to your man. Now, your husband may disagree with your expectations, and that’s okay. That’s an opportunity for the two of you to sit down and discuss your respective opinions and work toward a compromise. But at least you’ll be on the same page and understand each other’s expectations!
There’s certainly nothing wrong with being a confident and capable woman. In fact, I usually feel pretty strong, confident, and capable. However, I’ve realized something very important to the health of my marriage. I need to allow my husband to be needed by me! When I act like he isn’t needed, he feels emasculated. Your husband probably does too.
Men are wired by God to be leaders. In fact, in Ephesians 5:22-24, God makes it pretty clear that the husband is the leader, not the wife! “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
So, even though you are a strong capable woman, give room for your husband to lead. Avoid making all the decisions for your family. Ask him to make some decisions. Even though you’re perfectly capable, ask him to help you with some projects. Yes, you can re-arrange the living room furniture without his help, but he will enjoy being needed by you if you ask him to lift the heavy furniture. (And don’t forget to admire his muscles!)