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3 ways to fall back in love!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

It’s so easy for a married couple to become more like roommates than lovers!  Once the excitement of the wedding and honeymoon fade away, the everyday stresses like finances, children, housework, etc. can start to suck that warm and fuzzy feeling right out of your marriage!  Well, here are 3 things that will help to rekindle that loving feeling:

1)  Start to do the things you used to do when you were dating.  In the Bible’s book of Revelation, chapter 2, the church in Ephesus received this rebuke, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.”   That church needed to get back to doing the things that kept them in close fellowship with Christ, and we need to do the same things in our marriage.  Did you go to the movies?  Did you go out to dinner once a week? Did you go snowboarding in the winter or hiking in the summer?  Then, carve out some time to have that kind of fun with your husband now! 

2)  Kiss your husband with passion (like you used to)!  Seriously.  Give it a try and see if some sparks start to fly.

3)  List at least 7 good things about your husband.  Philippians 4:8 says “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”     So, think of as many positive things about your husband as you can.  Write them down.  Look at that list every day.  As you do so, your heart will become warmer toward him.

How to speak into your man’s life

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You likely know your husband better than anyone.  As his wife, you’re also called to be your husband’s helper.  This is made clear in Genesis 2:18 when God said “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”.  Then God created woman!  Well, one of the many ways you can truly “help” your husband is to gently, humbly and lovingly voice your concerns when your husband is clearly heading off course in some area of his life.

Is your husband drinking more and more alcohol?  Is your husband spending increasing overtime hours at work to the detriment of his health or family time?  Is your man overly busy and unable to squeeze in any time for exercise?  Is your guy coming up with reasons why he can’t make it to church lately?

If you see your husband’s life getting out of balance, you can do two things.  First, pray that the Holy Spirit would convict your husband about his decisions or behavior and that the Holy Spirit would make your man aware of the correction he needs to make.  Secondly, ask God if He wants you to gently bring up the concern for discussion with your husband.  

Tips: 

  • Take a lower physical position than him (such as kneeling beside him while he sits on the couch).  This position comes across as very humble and gentle and he will likely become less defensive.
  • Tell him some things you really appreciate and admire about him, and say “I am for you”.
  • Tell him something like “I’m in this with you. I’m your partner. How can I help you?”
  • You might also say “I’m struggling with some stuff too (tell him about your own struggle) so maybe we can help each other”.  When you display humility, he will likely be much less defensive about the concerns you’re raising.

Bonding with husband & kids

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

One way to bond with your husband (and your children) is to share fun, wacky, or unique times together.  When we laugh together, we bond.  When we share a silly or wacky moment together with others, then we bond.  When we share a unique adventure or event, we bond.  Sharing those fun moments brings a smile to our face….and that smile is very healing for relationships!  In fact, the Bible says in Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”

To obtain this good “medicine” for your marriage and your family, you need to be intentional.  Get out your calendar and make a note at least every other month to plan a special, wacky, or unique event!  Let me give you some examples of things our family has done together in the past. 

We have all dressed up in our PJs and gone to Dairy Queen for ice cream.  We have hosted costume theme parties where the entire family gets dressed up and comes together for dinner.  We have had dinner with a “lights out” theme, where we could use no appliances for cooking and we had to eat by candlelight.  We did a caveman dinner where all the food had to be eaten without utensils, even pork ‘n beans!!  Be creative.  Be silly.  Laugh.  You will bond and create warm memories.

Could your marriage use this medicine?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

All work and no play make Jack and Jill….grumpy.  Could this be the case for you and your husband?  Most American couples are way too busy.  We’re working exhausting hours outside the home to make more money.  We’re running the kids to 12 different activities so that they have a chance to “excel” in something.  We’re throwing dinner together while doing laundry and helping the kids with algebra homework.  We’re running on empty and then we wonder why we’re grumpy!  Duh!  We need to give ourselves permission for a mental time-out.

When is the last time you and your husband let the house chores wait and decided to watch a funny movie?  When is the last time you guys invited some couples over for “game night”?  You need to give yourself permission to play every once and awhile.  Your brain and your body need a rest.  You need to have fun and spend some time laughing.  Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine“.   Maybe your marriage needs a spoonful of this medicine…the medicine called fun and laughter.  It’s a great antidote for grumpiness.  🙂

This prompts husbands to pick fights

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’ve had quite a few light bulb moments as a wife, so I thought it might be beneficial to share one of those “aha” moments with other wives. 😊  I’ve noticed over the years with my late husband Raul, but now also with my new husband Mark, that from time to time, they would get a bit argumentative.  It’s almost like they were picking a fight!  What?!  Why would they do that with sweet little old me?

Of course, my first thought was “What is his problem!?”  But then when I paused and asked God to give me insight, I sensed that God was showing me that a man who feels insecure or unadmired or unneeded will often pick a fight or criticize his wife or just become plain irritable!  Interesting.  So, then I consulted God again as to WHY my husband would feel insecure, and He gently revealed that sometimes, a wife can unintentionally contribute to a man’s insecurity by making his feel unneeded or disrespected.  Yikes!  I don’t ever mean to do that, but apparently, I’ve been guilty of that more often than I’d like to admit. 

Perhaps it’s time that you and I as wives ask God to help us do a better (or at least more consistent) job of carrying out his instructions to us in Ephesians 5:33… The wife must respect her husband.  Perhaps it’s time that we ask God to help us carry out the wise counsel He gives us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11… So encourage each other and build each other up. 

In other words, notice what your husband is doing right and let him know.  Take a look at his talents, abilities and admirable character qualities and let him know that you notice.  Ask his opinion on things and actually listen, affirming him when he makes a particularly good point.  This one thing I know:  a husband with a wife who shows respect and admiration is a husband who is much more secure and much less likely to pick a fight!

Does God want you to stop?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’re like most women, you’re busy…REALLY busy. Most of us are multi-taskers to the max. We are trying to balance housekeeping, with nurturing children, with investing in our marriage, with maybe even working full-time outside the home. Oh, and you might be trying to help out at the local food bank or your church too! More than likely, you’re exhausted, stressed, and maybe even a bit cranky. Did I hit that nail on the head?


How about if we all intentionally slow down? What if you and I were to ask God in prayer for His direction on where we can cut something out of our busy lives? Is there a better way to divide responsibilities in our home? Should you cut out one of the kid’s activities?


Do you simply need to take 10 or 15 minutes twice a day to be still with God? Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”. Maybe it’s time for us to carve out some time to be still for a few minutes each day, perhaps with a cup of lemonade sitting outside on a summer day or snuggled in a comfy chair listening to worships music on a winter day. I have a feeling that we will find our stress drain away as we enter a time of stillness, and as we become less stressed, everyone around us will benefit! In fact, your husband may become the biggest fan of your “be still” time with God! You’ll probably be less cranky. Lol


And by the way, I believe God is calling us to be still in a different way as well. In Psalm 37:7, the Bible says “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…” Perhaps God is asking you to calm down in the middle of a challenge, give your anxiety and fear to the Lord, and then wait patiently for Him to respond to your prayers before charging ahead! Maybe this is another way He is asking you to be still. Just a thought.

You are not forgotten or alone

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, during the really challenging moments in life, we feel all alone in the struggle. The enemy of our soul starts whispering lie after lie. He tells us God doesn’t care. He tells us nobody understands. He whispers that we are all alone and nobody will help us. What a bunch of filthy lies!


The truth is that if you believe Jesus died on the cross for your sins and if you have chosen to follow Him as the leader of your life, then God will never leave you…not for one second! Others might abandon you and others might disappoint you, but God tells us in His Word that He will never leave us or forsake us. You can read that in Hebrews 13:5. We also read in Psalm 27:10 that even if our mom and dad desert us, the Lord will hold us close. Hallelujah!


Here’s something else that occurred to me recently. When someone asks me to pray for them due to a super challenging situation, I always seem to be prompted to pray “Lord, hold ______ in the palm of your hand.” Frankly, I’ve always kind of wondered why I feel prompted to pray that way. Why do I tend to ask God to hold them in the “palm of His hand”? Well, I stumbled across the reason the other day. I found it in Isaiah 49:14-16 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…” Wow! God has engraved your name on the palm of His hand. He will never forget you. He is holding you tenderly, always.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

The power of pausing in prayer

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When we face a challenge, a dilemma, or even a crisis…we tend to search high and low for the easy answer. We cry out to God, asking him to give us the magic pill that will make it all go away! We call our mom or our girlfriends, and we whine and complain about the problem, hoping they will have the magical, painless answer to our situation. Well, here’s the thing. The answer isn’t easy, but it is simple. Seek God’s counsel and then actually pause to listen.
Proverbs 18:13 says “To answer before listening, that is folly and shame.” Yet, that is exactly what many of us do. We complain to God. We pray that he would magically fix our situation in the way that WE say is best, and yet, we don’t actually consult the Bible to see what guidance he has for us. We pray that God would tell us what to do about the problem, yet we don’t actually pause to listen for the Holy Spirit’s quiet whisper of guidance.
The answer is simple. Dive into God’s Word. It will guide you. Psalm 119:105 says. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Ask God to give you direction through a quiet whisper to your spirit from the Holy Spirit, who is our counselor. John 14:26 says (in the Amplified Bible), “But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf, He will teach you all things.”

Could you be intimidating husband?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Most women love words.  We love to talk.  We love to communicate.  Thus, for most women, praying to God comes fairly easily.  After all, prayer is communication. 

On the other hand, most men don’t enjoy talking as much as women, and many men find it challenging to express their deepest thoughts and feelings.  As a result, when a husband hears his wife praying an articulate, expressive, lengthy prayer…he can end up feeling intimidated.  The wife doesn’t mean to intimidate her husband spiritually, but she ends up doing just that!

If this could be the case for your man, seriously consider shortening up your prayers and using simple words.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m NOT saying your husband is stupid.  I’m simply saying that women need to be careful that we’re not “showing off” our vocabulary as we pray!  This reminds me of something Jesus said in Luke 20:47.  He had harsh words for people who “for show make lengthy prayers”.  So, let’s be super humble and pray concise, simple, heart-felt prayers.  You may find that your man is more eager to pray with you in the future.