wife

Become a mature Christian wife

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We all want to be viewed as mature, but how does a wife actually go about becoming mature?    The Bible gives us some hints.  In short, the Bible indicates that maturity comes from persevering, from disciplining yourself to discern between good and evil choices, from speaking the truth in love, and by receiving wisdom from the Word of God.

Here are the verses that reveal these 4 means of becoming mature.  James 1:4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  Hebrews 5:14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.  Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  Colossians 1:28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

By the way, the very best way for you to receive wisdom is by spending time reading God’s Word!  By that, I don’t mean simply reading one verse per day from a daily devotional.  I mean reading ALL of God’s Word.  It might take you two years to make your way all the way through it, but it will be totally worth it.  You will find so much of value along the journey 🙂

Satan’s common scheme against wives

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Something I’ve learned over my many years of being a wife is that Satan is out to destroy marriages, especially Christian marriages.  Therefore, you must be on guard.  Just as 1 Peter 5:8-9 says, we must “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.“

Here is one of the most common schemes of the devil to take out Christian marriages:  getting one or both spouses isolated from other believers.  You must not be like an antelope that strays away from the rest of the herd out on the prairie.  Apart from the herd, that antelope is easy picking for that hungry mountain lion lurking in the high grass.  But this is exactly what many believers do.  We allow ourselves to get overly busy, so we drop out of the women’s Bible study.  Perhaps your husband spends too many hours at work or in pursuit of hobbies, and slowly drops away from the men’s fellowship at church.  We drift away.  We no longer hear the encouragement and admonishment of other believers to stay the course.

Hebrews 10:24-25 says “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing”   Hebrews 3:13 says “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”  You MUST fight to remain in close fellowship with other believers.  I have seen too many marriages begin to crumble when one or both spouses drift away from regular weekly fellowship with believers of the same gender.  Are you staying connected with godly women every week?  Maybe it’s time to get back into a weekly Bible study meeting and/or the fellowship at Squadron of Sisters.

Does your man have dry bones?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Several years ago, I asked my late husband Raul what one thing most husbands really wish their wife would understand.  Here is what he said.  Most men long for their wife to notice something good about them and to tell them what they see!  It could be a positive character quality he displays.  It could be the fact that he works hard to provide for the family.  It could be a talent he has.  It could be the way you notice him submitting himself to God.

According to Raul, men desperately need this validation because most men feel like a failure much of the time.  In fact, my late husband described men as being a bit like dry bones in a desert, in desperate need of water.  Your words can provide water for those dry bones and breathe life back into your man!  Proverbs 16:24 puts it this way, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Will you commit to finding something to affirm about your husband every day for the next 7 days?  Will you commit to actually telling him about the good you see?  He will soak up those words like a sponge, and it will bring life back into the dry bones of his spirit.

A hazard for high-achiever women!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Hello.  My name is Debbie Chavez, and I’m a list-aholic.  Yes, I admit it.  I love being super- organized, and I love “accomplishing” a lot every day.  It makes me feel good about myself.  In fact, my compulsion to accomplish tons of stuff everyday is so bad…..if I do something that was not on my list, I actually add it onto my list so that I can scratch it out! 

There is nothing wrong with completing many tasks each day, and there is certainly nothing wrong with being organized, but when we become a slave to our lists, we have a problem.  How about you?  Are you a list-acholic?  Here’s what I’ve been noticing lately.  When I become a slave to my to-do list, I am not a very peaceful woman.  I become a driven person, and I’m not flexible enough to respond to new situations or needs in my family.  Perhaps we need to meditate on the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:40-42.  Martha was busy bustling about with tasks, while Mary sat peacefully at the feet of Jesus.  Jesus gently rebuked Martha in verse 42 saying, “Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed, or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better…”

So, maybe you and I should stop being neurotic about our lists!  I am still making a list each day, but unless something on that list is absolutely critical, I’m allowing myself to skip some of the items in order to respond to my family or friends if I can see that they could use my help or encouragement.  If you’re a wife, I believe this adjustment could make you more like the 1 Peter 3 wife.  She is described as having a “gentle and quiet spirit”.  I don’t think she could be quiet and peaceful if she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off!  She obviously wasn’t a slave to a long to-do-list.   The question is:  Do you need to re-evaluate your lists?

This deeply offends most husbands

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

My late husband Raul and I had some interesting conversations over the years about a man’s need for respect and honor.  One of things he mentioned several times is how devastating it is for a man to hear his wife criticize him or make fun of him in front of other people.  Even if she is trying to be funny, and even if he seems to be laughing along with everyone else, most men are quite offended by this and feel disrespected by the one person who is supposed to be for them…their wife!

So, this is just a brief reminder for all of us to be ever so careful with our men’s fragile hearts.  Even though I thought my husband’s little quirks were funny, it was probably not a brilliant idea for me to share those quirks with other people! Even though I thought one of his blunders was hilarious, I realized he was going to feel disrespected if I shared that funny story with others.  Let’s all be vigilant in protecting our men’s hearts.  They so desire our respect, especially in public.  Maybe we all need to quote Ephesians 5:33 every morning before we start our day.  It very simply says, “The wife must respect her husband.”

Beware of this marriage destroyer

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

From both personal experience and counseling wives in crisis, I can say with certainty that allowing resentment to go unchecked spells doom for a marriage!  Think about it.  If you are really upset with your husband about something, or really frustrated with him, or hurt by his behavior…do you respectfully discuss your feelings and concerns with him?  Do you courageously deal with the issue, or do you tend to stuff it under the rug, hoping things will just magically get better?

If you’re a conflict avoider, it’s so very easy to stuff instead of confront!  It FEELS safer and more peaceful to just hope that your husband changes his behavior.  That way you won’t have any tense moments and you won’t get in a “fight”.  Unfortunately, if you say nothing, nothing is likely to actually change.  Sometimes a husband doesn’t even know what his wife is upset about!  And here’s the real problem.  If you don’t address your resentment, it will grow bigger and bigger and bigger until you are likely to explode months or years down the line.  That resentment will have turned your heart cold and hard toward your husband, and you may end up saying those fateful words “I’m done”.  Don’t let it get this far!

Your husband needs you to calmly and respectfully explain why you are upset and what you are asking him to change.  He may disagree, but then you guys can talk about it.  Talk it through.  Ask the Holy Spirit to give you courage and the timing and the right words to bring up the concern with your husband…soon.  Seek a counselor’s help if you need to.  Just make sure you don’t let your resentment go unaddressed.  As Hebrews 12:15 say, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”   Don’t let a bitter root start growing that ends up causing big trouble!

Wives need this in marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Marriage is not one continuous fairy tale.  Your husband is not perfect, and neither are you.  Therefore, you will experience times of disappointment, frustration, and even heartbreak.  The question is…what will you do during those “valley” times in your marriage?  How will you rally yourself and stay in the game?  Where can you find the motivation to fight for your marriage?

One powerful key to battling all the way through those valley times is to receive encouragement from other godly wives.  You NEED encouragement!  You NEED fellowship with other Jesus-seeking women. 

The enemy is constantly whispering discouragement to you.  He wants you to leave your husband.  He wants to destroy your family.  In John 10:10, Jesus says the enemy comes to “steal, kill and destroy“.  But we can counteract the enemy’s schemes by asking godly friends to speak truth to us.  Seek friendships with godly women who know the truth of God’s Word and who are encouragers.  Be an encourager in their lives as well. You might have to be the one to initiate this time together, but it’s worth it!  Ask a woman to coffee.  Ask another woman to be your prayer partner and make an appointment to pray weekly for each other over the phone or in person.

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”  You need encouragement to stay in the battle!  It’s worth it.  Jesus has a good plan for your marriage.  He has come that you “may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)

Courage to set boundaries

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Have you ever caved in when you should have set boundaries in a relationship because of the “what if” questions?  What if he leaves me?  What if he leaves me and I won’t be able to take care of myself?  What if he gets really upset if I confront him?  What if….?

When you find yourself paralyzed with fear because of the “what if” questions, it usually means one of three things.  Either you don’t really trust God when he says in Hebrews 13:5 that he will “never leave you nor forsake you”.  Or it means you have allowed the spirit of fear to dominate your thoughts.  Or it could mean that you have become your own worst enemy and convinced yourself you’ll never be able to set boundaries and stick to them.  In other words, you’ve pummeled yourself with negative self-talk!

You CAN overcome these paralyzing fears.  How about choosing to trust God’s promise to never leave your side (Hebrews 13:5)?  Maybe it’s time to command the spirit of fear to leave you, in the name of Jesus (2 Timothy 1:7).  Perhaps you need to stop telling yourself that you’ll fall to pieces if you respectfully draw a firm boundary. Coach your soul just like King David did throughout the Psalms.  Tell yourself you will not crumble.  Remind yourself you will not fall apart.  Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”  With Jesus by your side, you have all you need.  You’re not doing this alone!

One super attractive quality

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was talking with several women recently, and we came to the realization that one of the most attractive qualities in a person is…humility.  I’m not talking about a woman who is a doormat or a woman who is timid as a mouse.  I’m talking about the quality of being more focused on how to bless others than spending time subtly drawing attention to yourself and your achievements.  I’m talking about the woman who is able to admit mistakes or shortcomings and work to improve in holiness and righteousness.  I’m talking about the woman who deflects all praise given her, and instead, directs praise to the One who is the source of any of her abilities and talents.  That kind of woman is super attractive as a friend.  That kind of woman is also super attractive to her husband!

No husband wants a self-righteous wife who subtly communicates that she is better than him.  No husband wants a wife who can’t admit mistakes and genuinely apologize.  No husband wants a wife who constantly highlights her own achievements but rarely says anything encouraging to him.  No husband wants a wife who is focused on her own desires but treats his desires as insignificant. This begs the question.  What kind of wife are you?

Consider this super instructive Bible instruction in Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  And also meditate on 1 Peter 5:5 All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

Humility.  It’s a super attractive quality.  I have begun praying every morning for God to give me a spirit of humility for that day.  Should you do the same?

**or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Do this before giving hubby advice

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

A wife’s words are so impactful!  I have written devotionals in the past about the power of pausing during a heated conversation with our men so that we refrain from responding with words that are harsh or mean….something we’ll likely regret later.  Well, there’s also another reason to pause.  As women, we need to pause before we offer casual bits of advice or “wisdom” to our husbands.

I don’t think we realize how our guys are greatly influenced by us!   We might think they aren’t really paying that much attention to a casual suggestion we toss out, but often they are.  In fact, many husbands in the Bible were greatly influenced by something their wives said, and the wives rarely had good advice!  I think especially of Sarah telling Abraham to sleep with her servant in order for him to have a son, since she was getting impatient waiting for God to fulfill his promise to give her children! Read the story in Genesis 16:1-4 and you will find out Sarah’s decision didn’t turn out so well!

So, let’s think twice before we offer a morsel of our brilliant counsel during a conversation with our men.  I remember so clearly a time I did that several years ago with my husband and he immediately acted upon it.  I hadn’t really even thought it through, let alone prayed about it. It wasn’t actually a good suggestion that I tossed out at him carelessly!  Thankfully, there was no harm done, but it got me to thinking about the need to really pause and pray about any suggestions or counsel I decide to pass on to my husband.  How about you?