We all go through challenging days…whether in your marriage, with your kids, with finances, at your job, etc. It’s at those times; we tend to feel so alone. We desperately need to know that God notices our distress. We need to know that He is with us and that He cares.
Well, despite what Satan is whispering in your ear…that nobody cares…that you’re all alone…that your broken heart will never get better…the Bible tells a different story! I find so much comfort in these verses: • The Lord is close to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18) • Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5) • You are the God who sees me (Genesis 16:13) • He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3) • Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. Psalm 103:2-4
Are you in a waiting phase? Maybe you’re waiting for God to answer your prayer regarding your husband. Maybe you’re waiting for your rebellious child, stubborn child to finally become mature. Maybe you’re waiting for your heart to heal after being betrayed by your husband. Whatever the thing you’re waiting for, I think we can all agree that waiting is hard! It’s hard because we have to be patient, and let’s be honest; most of us aren’t very good with the whole patience virtue. These two realizations have helped me learn to be a bit more patient when I have to wait. 1) God’s timing is often very different than what I think it should be, yet He is always faithful to show up. Psalm 40:1-2 “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth…” 2) Some of the great women of the Bible had to wait and wait and wait before finally experiencing a HUGE answer to their prayers. Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Rachel, and more all had to wait ridiculously long periods of time before God finally allowed them to give birth. But when their prayers were finally answered, oh my! They gave birth to some of the giants of the Bible: Isaac, Jacob, Samuel, Joseph. In other words, what they experienced in the end was well worth the wait. 🙂
Is there a lot of tension in your home? Are you or your husband stressed much of the time? There’s likely an imbalance in one or both of your lives! I know that was sometimes the case for me and my husband Raul over the years. In our situation, we got so bent on running ministries, counseling others, and helping take care of grandchildren that there was little to no time at all for us to simply relax and get filled back up. God didn’t intend for us to be so “driven” that we became grouchy, irritable, cantankerous people!
On the other hand, Satan wants you to be so busy that you become stressed, pay no attention to nurturing your marriage or yourself, and then both you and your marriage slowly wither and die. But Jesus says He wants us to enjoy life to the full! Meditate on what Jesus says in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”.
All work and no play is a formula for disaster. We need to intentionally carve out some “down time” for rest, recreation and fun. When my husband and I could feel the stress mounting, we would choose to get away for a day or a weekend. We relaxed, and it was rejuvenating! Our stress level decreased. My goodness, even Jesus needed to get away from the stress of his work to spend quiet time alone. Luke 5:16 says Jesus “often withdrew to desolate places and prayed” Is there an adjustment you need to make in your schedule or a weekend get-away that you need to plan for you and your husband?
We have an enemy. 1 Peter 5:8 says “Be alert and sober-minded. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” The devil and his demons are looking for ways to destroy your marriage, destroy you, destroy your husband and destroy your children. However, there is good news if you have asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior! In 1 John 4:4, God says “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” We just need to take authority against the enemy. So often, we forget to do that! Let’s wake up to what’s going on in the spiritual realm. Let’s become “woke” in the spiritual sense.
Ladies, we have a critical role to play in spiritual warfare. One of the first things we need to do is be alert to those moments when the devil is goading us to be critical, rude, grouchy or disrespectful to others. Don’t take the bait!! Realize the enemy wants to destroy your relationships! In those moments, I picture the devil is sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear all his vile temptations for me to give in to my temper or toxic resentment. Then I literally take my hand and (pretend) knock him off my shoulder with a loud shout of “BAM”!!
If you’re married, a second thing you need to do is to pray EVERY DAY for God to protect your husband, to purify your husband’s heart, to give your husband boldness to take a stand for the Lord. You also need to take a stand against the enemy….every day. Jesus makes it clear that we do get to take authority in the invisible, spiritual realm. Jesus tells his followers in Luke 10:19, “I give you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” So, in Jesus’ name, command all evil spirits to leave your husband, your children, your home, and yourself. Then, ask God to fill you and your loved ones each day with His Holy Spirit.
Let’s all agree to take bold authority against the enemy, and let’s commit to doing this on a daily basis.
It is not okay for your husband (or anyone) to treat you disrespectfully. Let me just say that again. It is not okay. I know far too many beautiful, kind Christian women who, for some reason, allow themselves to be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused by their husbands or boyfriends. It’s heartbreaking. I heard yet another story from a highly-intelligent, gorgeous woman recently. She came to me in despair, wringing her hands over her abusive situation. Yet, she didn’t clearly see that she needed to draw a firm boundary and impose consequences on such behavior. In her case, she needed to leave until he showed serious, sustained repentance.
Ladies, do you think God winks at a man who is abusing his wife or girlfriend? Absolutely not. In fact, God tells husbands they are to lay down their lives for their wives. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” If your husband or boyfriend is emotionally, verbally, or physically abusing you, you need to take a stand. If you don’t take action, you’re basically enabling his destructive behavior to continue. Read Matthew 18:15-17 and ask God to reveal His plan for you to take a stand when someone is sinning against you.
So many wives lament about the problem of communication in their marriage. Although entire books have been written on this subject, allow me to spell out 3 seemingly small things you can do that will greatly improve communication in your marriage. They are the A, B, C’s:
A- Assumptions are poison: Don’t assume that your husband knows what you want or need, even though it is totally obvious to you and to pretty much every other woman on the face of the earth! Men don’t think like women. They don’t pick up on hints either. So if you want something or need help with something, make your request clear and specific. Example: If you’re feeling overwhelmed because friends are coming over for dinner and your house is a mess, don’t just tell your husband you’re overwhelmed. He may just sit down and start watching a basketball game on TV while you frantically start cleaning and grow more irritated by the minute! Instead, ask him if he will do a certain chore such as vacuuming and have it done by no later than 6 pm. B- Believe the best: Believe the best about your husband during communication. It’s funny how we tend to read between the lines in unflattering ways when our husband talks to us. But what if you were to constantly coach your soul to believe the best about your husband and to place what he says through that filter? Example: Your husband says he’s too tired to play with the kids tonight even though they’re begging him to play catch. You immediately assign a negative conclusion or belief that “he doesn’t even love our children!”. But that isn’t what he said. What if you were to immediately believe the best about him and come to the conclusion that he must be really tired from a stressful day at work and needs some time to get recharged? What a difference! C- Careful listening: Many communication problems could be solved if we were simply better listeners. Often, we’re distracted and only partially paying attention to what our husband is saying. Other times, especially during a disagreement, we aren’t paying any attention at all because we’re planning our wise rebuttal to whatever he has to say! Great marriages benefit from carefully considering and respecting the other person’s point of view, not just our own. Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
I’m rather slow to learn some lessons in life and as a wife. One of the things I wish I had realized earlier is that it is entirely too easy for a mom to get so focused on nurturing her children that she subconsciously pushes her husband aside. In fact, in my first marriage, I remember thinking to myself…”My husband is an adult so he can take care of himself. It’s my kids who really need all my attention.” Not good thinking!
Of course, moms need to take care of their children’s needs, and we do need to spend time nurturing and disciplining them. However, our children can become idols in our life. When our world revolves around our kids’ successes and failures…and on their activities and their schedule…well, then we’ve made our children into idols. When anyone or anything besides God becomes our focus in life, then it has become our idol and our god. One of the big 10 commandments addresses this! Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me.”
One of the casualties of this idolizing of our kids is our husbands. The bizarre thing is that the very children we were determined to protect end up severely wounded as mom and dad become distant, begin to argue, and often end up divorcing each other. Don’t let this happen to you. Be intentional about spending quality time with both your husband and your children. Even more important than that, spend quality time with God. He must truly be your number one focus in life!
You may have an “impossible” situation going on in your marriage, such as a husband who doesn’t believe in God, or who is an alcoholic who refuses to get help, or who is harsh and critical with the kids, or who is hooked on pornography. I would certainly recommend that you establish some serious boundaries and consequences if your husband is sinning against you or the kids, but here’s the thing you and I need to realize. Only God can change your husband’s heart. That’s where your prayers make a gigantic impact. Prayers that are offered in line with God’s will can accomplish the seemingly impossible!
That’s why praying actual Bible verses is so powerful! We know Bible verses are in line with God’s will. If your “impossible” situation involves your husband, let me point you to a list of suggested Bible verses to pray for your husband on the “Free Resources” tab at www.squadronofsisters.com. It’s a free PDF that you can print. I urge you to do so, and begin praying for your marriage, your husband, and your family. Your prayer offered in faith and trust in God is extremely powerful. Jesus says in Mark 11:23, “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.”
One more thing. Don’t grow weary in praying. Sometimes it takes months or years of praying before you see results. Read the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18 to get inspired to press into sustained prayer for your “impossible” situation.
Recently, I was reminded yet again that God loves it when his kids come to him with a request that is in line with his will. He loves responding with his mighty power and loving kindness when his children cry out to him in prayer!
My latest example has to do with a loved one who was in desperate need of some circumstances to change. It seemed impossible, and trying to overcome gigantic obstacles had become absolutely exhausting. I told this loved one that I would pray for them. And I did. In this particular instance, as I paused and asked God how He wanted to work in this difficult situation, I sensed a nudge from him that I was supposed to tell my loved one that they were to bring every single challenge and obstacle directly to him in prayer, instead of getting frustrated or exhausted by trying to solve it on their own. Furthermore, I sensed God telling me to relay to this loved one that as they brought the concerns to God in prayer, they would behold him working miracles on their behalf.
Honestly, this was a giant step of faith for me to relay this. I was basically telling them that God was going to come through! And, of course, the human part of me began thinking, “um, what if God doesn’t come through? Then what will happen to this person’s fledging faith in God?” But I decided to obey God’s prompting, and God came through! Within hours of this loved one praying for God to overcome some seemingly impossible obstacles, God graciously and powerfully obliterated those obstacles. Wow!
The lesson I gleaned from this event is simple but huge. Pray about everything. Seek God’s counsel on everything. Trust God to powerfully work on your behalf, as long as what you’re asking for is in line with his will. AND, be thankful, because He is a loving father and He sees you even when your circumstances seem dire. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
We’re all a bit anxious right now…some are even downright fearful. How will we make it through skyrocketing inflation that’s draining our bank account? How will my children avoid the evil indoctrination of our culture? Are we on the verge of World War 3? And, if you’re not worried about that, then there are a myriad of other things that might be stealing your joy and your hope. Perhaps your marriage is falling apart or your kids are making poor decisions.
The truth is that, until we get to heaven, we will all experience tough times here on earth. And of course, Satan loves to pile on by whispering negative, hopeless thoughts into our minds when he sees that we’re struggling. We tend to start reciting a list of complaints and fears…about people in our life, health problems, finances, the way we look, and on and on. Instead of reflecting the love of Jesus to those around us, our facial expression portrays “woe is me”.
For a believer, that’s ridiculous! If you’ve made Jesus your Lord, you have his protection and power at your disposal. Your prayers are powerful! James 5:16 “The prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective”. And even if your prayers aren’t answered EXACTLY how you think God should, you can trust Him to redeem every hardship in your life. I love what He tells me in Psalm 103:4 “He redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion”. When life gets discouraging…when anxiety starts eroding your hope…bring your concerns to Jesus and relax into his strong arms.
I grasp hope and peace when I choose to trust in Jesus. He is at work! His ways are perfect. Seek His perspective on all that’s happening. Ask him to help you understand what he’s doing in this challenging moment. Ask him to redeem your seemingly hopeless situation. He’s so creative! He’s working behind the scenes right now.
The Appreciated Wife 