verses

Priorities for your relationships

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’ve learned some humongous lessons in life, and I would love to share one of the biggest lessons with you.  I’ve discovered that it’s super important to keep 2 relationships as top priorities.

First, and most importantly, we MUST keep our relationship with the Lord as our primary relationship.  That relationship must be the one where we seek to find lasting love, security, and fulfillment.  Why is this so important?  Well, certainly Jesus tells us in Matthew 22 that the most important command is to love the Lord your God.  But beyond that, I’ve learned that the Lord is truly the only one you can ALWAYS depend on to be there.  He is the ONLY one who will never leave you.  He is the ONLY one who never changes.  He is the ONLY one you can truly count on. 

I learned that gigantic lesson when my beloved husband Raul suddenly passed away in 2021.  If I had “placed all my eggs in the basket” of my husband Raul, I would have been completely flattened and destroyed when he unexpectedly died.  Even though his death was extremely painful (and still is), I was able to carry on because Raul was not my primary relationship.  My relationship with God was my main source of love, joy, purpose and security.  If you’re married, make sure you don’t idolize your husband or your marriage.  Seek God each and every day, and make sure He is your top relationship!   As Psalm 16:5 says, “Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure”.

Additionally, I’ve learned that it’s dangerous to put a higher priority on your children than your husband.  Of course, your children need you, and of course, they are dearly loved, but if you focus almost exclusively on your kids and rarely focus time, energy and love on your husband, your marriage will probably enter a slow death spiral.  Then, the kids that you so dearly love will be deeply scared by a divorce. Don’t let that happen to you or your children.  Put a high priority on investing in your marriage, right AFTER your relationship with God.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Desperation is actually good!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I know this might seem counterintuitive, but I’ve learned that finding myself in a state of desperation can actually turn out to be a good thing!  As I think back on all the deeply challenging, heart-breaking moments in my life, I can see a common thread.  When I chose to turn to mind-numbing pacifiers in those desperate times (such as food, shopping, reading endless novels, etc) the pain didn’t stop and I continued to sink into hopelessness, anxiety and depression.  But when I chose to cry out to God and desperately sought a touch from Him, I encountered God’s comfort and love in a profound way!

Interestingly, I suspect I would have never encountered God in such a deep and meaningful way if I had not found myself in desperate need of Him.  In other words, it’s usually in the bleak and heart-breaking moments of life that we will actually experience God at a richer level because, only in those moments of desperation, do we tend to cry out to Him!  God is waiting for us to reach for Him, but often we forget to do so when life is going fairly well. 

Could it be that God is actually allowing that current challenge in your life so that you will turn to Him in your desperation and experience His love, guidance and comfort in a life-changing way?  He promises you a dramatic encounter with Him if you will earnestly seek Him.   Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you see me with all your heart”. 

Perspective can change your marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’ve noticed something really interesting as I’ve interacted with hundreds of wives over the years.   The women who typically have the strongest, longest-lasting marriages are the women who CHOOSE to focus on what is right with their husbands instead of what is wrong.  These women also seem to have the most joy and contentment.  Wow.  Wouldn’t we all like that?!

Obviously, if your husband has a pattern of sinning against you, Jesus instructs you to lovingly but firmly confront him and request changes.  If your husband doesn’t repent, you’ll want to bring others into the situation to put loving pressure on him to change.  If he stubbornly refuses to stop the pattern of sin, God may instruct you to even separate from him until he shows a willingness to change.  By the way, all these instructions are found in Matthew 18:15-17.

However, my main point is this.  Often, our husbands aren’t actually engaging in a pattern of destructive sin against us. They’re just annoying us, or disappointing us, or failing to make us feel loved in the way we want them to!  At that point, we get to choose our perspective.  We can either dwell on the way our husbands disappoint and frustrate us, or we can focus on their good qualities.  Philippians 4:8 comes to mind.  I also find Proverbs 19:11 to be instructive.  Here it is in the Amplified translation:  “Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment].”

Focusing on what is “right” with your husband will not only bless him and bring strength to your marriage, but it will also bring peace, joy and contentment to your own heart.  It’s a triple win!

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Qualities of a godly wife

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you want to please God, please your husband, and find true fulfillment in your role as a wife, then meditate and act upon the instructions God gives wives in the Bible.  That’s what many of us have been trying to do at Squadron of Sisters over the last 15 years, and all I can say is….following God’s instructions has a powerful impact on your husband!

Here are 8 key verses that describe a godly wife and/or reveal the purpose of a wife:

Genesis 2:18 (a godly wife is a companion and helper for her husband)

Ephesians 5:33 (a godly wife shows respect and honor for her husband, whether she “feels” like it or not!)

Proverbs 31:25 (a godly wife carries herself with dignity so she is able to lovingly but firmly establish boundaries with her husband if he is sinning against her)

Proverbs 31:30 (a godly wife respects and obeys the Lord)

Colossians 3:18 (a godly wife submits to her husband’s leadership, as long as he is not leading her down an immoral or destructive path)

Proverbs 31:27 (a godly wife is diligent in taking care of her family and household)

1 Corinthians 7:4 (a godly wife builds a robust sex life with her husband)

1 Peter 3:4 (a godly wife has a gentle and peaceful demeanor with her husband)

Can any of us be perfect wives, as described in the Bible?  No way.  None of us is capable of performing to this incredibly high standard every day.  However, we are to earnestly seek to grow more and more like the Biblical model each day, and we all need to pray for Jesus to give us a willing heart to obey his instructions to us.  🙂

What I wish mom had told me

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I wish my mom had told me sooooo many things! 

  • I wish she would have warned me that high school age boys with raging hormones would pressure me to have sex and use the infamous line “If you love me, you will….”  
  • I wish she would have told me that following God’s ways, instead of the ways of the culture, leads to great blessing and peace.  Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
  • I wish I would have known that a marriage will never survive if your husband is sinning against you, and you avoid addressing the issue because of fear of conflict.
  • I wish I would have known that if you continue avoiding conflict, your heart will start to grow so hard and cold toward your husband that the devil will gain a huge foothold in your marriage, and you will likely spiral down into divorce.  Ephesians 4:26-27   “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
  • I wish my mom had told me that a Christian woman CAN and should set boundaries on sinful behavior of her husband, and perhaps even separate for a while if necessary.  (Matthew 18:15-17)
  • I wish my mom had told me that a marriage can be better than you ever imagined if both spouses follow the Lord, die to self, and strive to be a blessing to the other.  That is the secret sauce of marriage!  Galatians 5:13 says “serve one another humbly in love.”
  • I wish I would have known that even after your spouse is ripped away from you in death, that God is still good to those who trust in Him, and He can and will bring beauty from ashes.  Psalm 103:4-5  who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

I may not be your mother, but now you know!!!

Letting go is a must in marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I wonder how many marriages have been destroyed because one or both spouses refused to let go of an old offense, disappointment or sin of their mate?  It’s likely that the vast majority of divorces resulted from toxic resentment, stemming from the inability to let go of old offenses!

I know it’s so tempting to dwell on your husband’s failures or past sins against you, but if you allow yourself to do that, your heart will become consumed with resentment.  And I think we all know that resentment usually becomes poisonous to both you and the relationship.  Hebrews 12:15 puts it this way “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many”.

Also, when you keep bringing up that old sin, betrayal, disappointment or offense to your husband, you will slowly crush his spirit, and he will likely pull away from any further close connection with you.  That’s not exactly helpful to you, him or the relationship!

Now if your husband is CURRENTLY engaged in a betrayal or pattern of sin against you, you should seek wise counsel as you will likely need to confront the issue and establish firm boundaries.

However, if your husband is no longer engaged in a pattern of sin or betrayal, and if he shows some signs of repentance, you MUST choose to forgive him and leave the past in the past.  It is not helpful to keep wanting to talk to him about it.  It’s not helpful for you to keep bringing it up and throwing it in his face when you are disappointed or annoyed with him.  Let it go. 

Forgive as God forgave you.  Does God keep on bringing up your past sin and throwing it in your face?  No, he doesn’t.  Does God keep discussing your past failures with you, going over all the details of your past sin?  No, he doesn’t. He chooses to forgive completely.  Let us do likewise.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Don’t feel guilty about this need!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’m learning lately that I can’t give away much of anything to anyone else, including my family, if I’m not filled up myself!  So the question is: how do we get filled up?  Well, certainly part of the answer is spending time reading God’s Word and asking Him to help us truly know His love for us. You might want to meditate on Ephesians 3:17-19 which says, “I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” 

However, I believe we also need to take time to fill up our senses with all that God has created for us to enjoy!  I’ve noticed that when I literally take a few minutes to sit in the sun and gaze at the beauty of God’s creation, I get filled up.  I’ve noticed that when I snuggle my little grandson in my arms and read his favorite story, I get filled up.  I’ve noticed that when I sit in front of a crackling fire with a cup of coffee, I get filled up, in a good way.    

We all need to take time to enjoy what God has created.  It’s not a guilty pleasure if it’s done in moderation, and as long as it’s not a sinful action according to the Bible.  These things fill us up, and when we are filled up, we actually have energy and joy that we can give away to others.  So, what fills you up?  What brings you joy and a sigh of contentment? 

See yourself the way God sees you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

For you and I to become confident, dignified women who refuse to put up with disrespect or abuse in marriage or any relationship, we must begin to see ourselves the way God sees us.   Emotionally-bruising words may have been spoken to you as a child and those hurtful words can easily become your identity.  Perhaps you made some major mistakes as a teen or young woman, and you started calling yourself a loser or hopeless or unlovable.

God wants you to listen for His voice above all the other voices we hear both externally and internally.  In John 10:27, Jesus says “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”  Jesus wants to speak to you!  He wants to let you know how He sees you and how much he delights in you.  Here are 2 things that can help you truly comprehend how God sees you:

1) Meditate on Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you.  He is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you.  He will quiet you with his love.  He will rejoice over you with singing.”

2) Be still and ask God to whisper a word to your spirit about how he sees you.  Have faith that He WILL speak to you.  Be receptive, and listen.  He loves you!

This repels husbands!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Nothing will repel your husband (or boyfriend) more quickly than….you acting all self-righteous!  However, this is exactly how women act much of the time.  We don’t intend to come across as self-righteous, or “better-than”, or arrogant, or “experts” on everything, but we can definitely come across that way to our men!  Having that kind of attitude ruins relationships.  As Proverbs 13:10 (NLT) says: “Pride leads to conflict”

So let’s examine ourselves.  Do you often correct your husband, giving the impression that you know more than he does?  Do you give long-suffering sighs when he forgets to do something, giving the impression that YOU would never do such a thing?   Do you make sure you let him know he has disappointed you, while being quick to defend yourself if he says you’ve disappointed him?

Maybe it’s time we stopped acting “better-than” our men!  We are ALL a work in progress.  Let’s strive this week to display a humble spirit.  Instead of repelling your husband, your humility will draw your husband toward you.  Wouldn’t you much rather be a fragrance in your husband’s life than an odor?!

Powerful prayer starts this way

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Do you ever feel like your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling?  Do your prayers seem ineffective?  Well, could it be that you’ve fallen into a very common pattern of simply using your prayers to tell God what to do, when to do it, and how to do everything?!  Hah!  I know I’ve fallen into that pattern more times than I care to admit.

The truth is that God doesn’t need us to explain to Him what to do.  If we’re being honest, we can acknowledge that we don’t always know the best thing to do.  But Jesus does know!  So maybe we should ask Him!

Here’s a mind-blowing fact.  Jesus is actually praying (interceding) to the Father for YOU right now!  Romans 8:34 says “Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.”

Another huge truth from the Bible is that our heavenly Father answer the prayers of people who are praying in line with His will.  1 John 5:14  And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.

Put these two truths together and it becomes clear that the key to powerful prayer is to ask Jesus how He is praying for us or the challenge we’re worried about, and then to pray in alignment with Him.  When we start prayer that way, we know we are praying according to God’s will, and God answers those prayers! 

If you’re wondering how to know what Jesus is praying, simply ask Him to tell you and then await a gentle nudge of your spirit….a quiet whisper to your heart….a word downloaded into your mind.  Jesus says this in John 10:27  My sheep hear my voice….  So ask Him how he’s praying, await his direction, and then join him in that prayer.  How powerful!!