verses

Become a mature Christian wife

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We all want to be viewed as mature, but how does a wife actually go about becoming mature?    The Bible gives us some hints.  In short, the Bible indicates that maturity comes from persevering, from disciplining yourself to discern between good and evil choices, from speaking the truth in love, and by receiving wisdom from the Word of God.

Here are the verses that reveal these 4 means of becoming mature.  James 1:4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  Hebrews 5:14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.  Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  Colossians 1:28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

By the way, the very best way for you to receive wisdom is by spending time reading God’s Word!  By that, I don’t mean simply reading one verse per day from a daily devotional.  I mean reading ALL of God’s Word.  It might take you two years to make your way all the way through it, but it will be totally worth it.  You will find so much of value along the journey 🙂

The path to peace instead of worry!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel my shoulder and neck muscles getting really tight.  My head starts to throb.  I even sometimes feel a little short of breath…or like I can’t even draw a full breath.  These are all warning signs that I am filled with toxic anxiety and worry! 

What is the remedy for anxiety and worry.  Well, the solution is often really quite simple (although hard to remember to do!).  We must remind ourselves that Jesus loves us and that he is completely trustworthy!  We need to speak truth to our souls!

King David, who wrote many of the Psalms. often talked to his soul.  In tough situations or when he was consumed with fear, he would basically give a pep talk to his soul.  He would remind his soul of the truth about God. For instance, in Psalm 42:5, David writes “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”   Is it time to talk truth to your soul?

I regain peace when I remind my soul that God is loving, God is powerful, God is wise, and God is in control!

Dealing with messed up people!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Aren’t “messed up” people annoying?  I’m sure you have a few in your life, perhaps your husband, an in-law, a coworker or even someone at church.  We shake our heads at these people, wondering why they can’t seem to get their act together.  We are disgusted by their sinful choices or behavior.  Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, as Christians, we can easily fall into this pattern of thinking.  We start to become self-righteous and judgmental.  We notice everyone else’s flaws and sin, but feel pretty good about ourselves.  But this is not how Jesus acted at all while he walked on this earth.  In fact, he was drawn to messed-up people!

Luke 5:29-32 Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. 30 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”  31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Perhaps it’s time for you and me to stop judging others and looking down our noses at sinners, especially people we encounter at church.  In fact, if anyone we know (husband, in-law, coworker, neighbor) is actually attending church, we should be thrilled, not disgusted by their sin.  The fact that anyone walks into a church or Bible study is evidence that the Holy Spirit is working in the life of that person.  So instead of judging that person for failing to be perfect yet, perhaps we should encourage them and pray for them and give the Holy Spirit time to work.  That is what Jesus did.  Maybe we should do that too.

3 questions when you’re discouraged

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, we feel like we’ve reached the end of our rope!  You may be discouraged because you’ve been praying for God to change your husband’s attitude or behavior, and it’s just not happening.  You may be discouraged because you hoped your children would turn out a certain way, and they seem to be making bad decisions.  You may be discouraged because you’ve been searching for a new job and you can’t find one that fits your abilities and availability.  Now what?

Well, first, don’t give up praying.  In Luke 18:1, the Bible says…”Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.”  So, keep asking God for a miracle.   However, maybe it’s time to put on a new set of glasses.  Maybe you’ve been insisting that God do what YOU think is best, instead of praying that God’s perfect will be done.  Now is the time to ask God to reveal his perspective on this issue.  Why don’t you ask him these 3 questions, and then spend some quiet time listening for his response:

1)  Lord, can you help me to see this situation through your eyes?

2)  How are you trying to change me or teach me through this situation?

3)  Is there a lie the enemy is trying to get me to believe about this situation?

Are you suffering outside God’s will?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Even though you may have accepted Jesus as your Savior and Lord, you and I will still encounter trials and hardships in this life here on earth.  They are inevitable.  In fact Jesus told his disciples in John 16:33..”In this world you will have trouble.”   Sometimes, the trouble is inside your marriage, and when that’s the case, you often find the need to practice great patience, endurance and “longsuffering”.  The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4:2 that we should act “with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love…” (KJV).  Other translations use the word “patience” in the place of longsuffering.

However, the Bible doesn’t always advise us to just sit on our hands and settle into a long season of quiet endurance and longsuffering.   Jesus says in Matthew 18:15-17 that we’re supposed to confront someone who is actively sinning against us.  We always need to be respectful and loving, yet he tells us to confront that person who stubbornly continues in a pattern of sin against us, refusing to make changes.

So yes, there is a place for patience and longsuffering in relationships, especially when your husband has asked for forgiveness and is working to break free from a pattern of sin.  However, you may be “longsuffering” unnecessarily if you have never directly confronted your husband about a sin pattern and insisted that he make changes. The appropriate time for longsuffering is when you’ve already confronted the person sinning against you and they show evidence of trying to turn away from that pattern of sin.  I guess my question to you is this:  Have you lovingly and firmly confronted your husband if he is sinning against you or your children?  Have you drawn clear boundaries on what continuing behavior is unacceptable? If you haven’t, then there’s a chance you are longsuffering outside of God’s will.  Pray about it and see what God reveals.

Priorities for your relationships

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’ve learned some humongous lessons in life, and I would love to share one of the biggest lessons with you.  I’ve discovered that it’s super important to keep 2 relationships as top priorities.

First, and most importantly, we MUST keep our relationship with the Lord as our primary relationship.  That relationship must be the one where we seek to find lasting love, security, and fulfillment.  Why is this so important?  Well, certainly Jesus tells us in Matthew 22 that the most important command is to love the Lord your God.  But beyond that, I’ve learned that the Lord is truly the only one you can ALWAYS depend on to be there.  He is the ONLY one who will never leave you.  He is the ONLY one who never changes.  He is the ONLY one you can truly count on. 

I learned that gigantic lesson when my beloved husband Raul suddenly passed away in 2021.  If I had “placed all my eggs in the basket” of my husband Raul, I would have been completely flattened and destroyed when he unexpectedly died.  Even though his death was extremely painful (and still is), I was able to carry on because Raul was not my primary relationship.  My relationship with God was my main source of love, joy, purpose and security.  If you’re married, make sure you don’t idolize your husband or your marriage.  Seek God each and every day, and make sure He is your top relationship!   As Psalm 16:5 says, “Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure”.

Additionally, I’ve learned that it’s dangerous to put a higher priority on your children than your husband.  Of course, your children need you, and of course, they are dearly loved, but if you focus almost exclusively on your kids and rarely focus time, energy and love on your husband, your marriage will probably enter a slow death spiral.  Then, the kids that you so dearly love will be deeply scared by a divorce. Don’t let that happen to you or your children.  Put a high priority on investing in your marriage, right AFTER your relationship with God.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Desperation is actually good!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I know this might seem counterintuitive, but I’ve learned that finding myself in a state of desperation can actually turn out to be a good thing!  As I think back on all the deeply challenging, heart-breaking moments in my life, I can see a common thread.  When I chose to turn to mind-numbing pacifiers in those desperate times (such as food, shopping, reading endless novels, etc) the pain didn’t stop and I continued to sink into hopelessness, anxiety and depression.  But when I chose to cry out to God and desperately sought a touch from Him, I encountered God’s comfort and love in a profound way!

Interestingly, I suspect I would have never encountered God in such a deep and meaningful way if I had not found myself in desperate need of Him.  In other words, it’s usually in the bleak and heart-breaking moments of life that we will actually experience God at a richer level because, only in those moments of desperation, do we tend to cry out to Him!  God is waiting for us to reach for Him, but often we forget to do so when life is going fairly well. 

Could it be that God is actually allowing that current challenge in your life so that you will turn to Him in your desperation and experience His love, guidance and comfort in a life-changing way?  He promises you a dramatic encounter with Him if you will earnestly seek Him.   Jeremiah 29:13 “You will seek me and find me when you see me with all your heart”. 

Perspective can change your marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’ve noticed something really interesting as I’ve interacted with hundreds of wives over the years.   The women who typically have the strongest, longest-lasting marriages are the women who CHOOSE to focus on what is right with their husbands instead of what is wrong.  These women also seem to have the most joy and contentment.  Wow.  Wouldn’t we all like that?!

Obviously, if your husband has a pattern of sinning against you, Jesus instructs you to lovingly but firmly confront him and request changes.  If your husband doesn’t repent, you’ll want to bring others into the situation to put loving pressure on him to change.  If he stubbornly refuses to stop the pattern of sin, God may instruct you to even separate from him until he shows a willingness to change.  By the way, all these instructions are found in Matthew 18:15-17.

However, my main point is this.  Often, our husbands aren’t actually engaging in a pattern of destructive sin against us. They’re just annoying us, or disappointing us, or failing to make us feel loved in the way we want them to!  At that point, we get to choose our perspective.  We can either dwell on the way our husbands disappoint and frustrate us, or we can focus on their good qualities.  Philippians 4:8 comes to mind.  I also find Proverbs 19:11 to be instructive.  Here it is in the Amplified translation:  “Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment].”

Focusing on what is “right” with your husband will not only bless him and bring strength to your marriage, but it will also bring peace, joy and contentment to your own heart.  It’s a triple win!

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Qualities of a godly wife

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you want to please God, please your husband, and find true fulfillment in your role as a wife, then meditate and act upon the instructions God gives wives in the Bible.  That’s what many of us have been trying to do at Squadron of Sisters over the last 15 years, and all I can say is….following God’s instructions has a powerful impact on your husband!

Here are 8 key verses that describe a godly wife and/or reveal the purpose of a wife:

Genesis 2:18 (a godly wife is a companion and helper for her husband)

Ephesians 5:33 (a godly wife shows respect and honor for her husband, whether she “feels” like it or not!)

Proverbs 31:25 (a godly wife carries herself with dignity so she is able to lovingly but firmly establish boundaries with her husband if he is sinning against her)

Proverbs 31:30 (a godly wife respects and obeys the Lord)

Colossians 3:18 (a godly wife submits to her husband’s leadership, as long as he is not leading her down an immoral or destructive path)

Proverbs 31:27 (a godly wife is diligent in taking care of her family and household)

1 Corinthians 7:4 (a godly wife builds a robust sex life with her husband)

1 Peter 3:4 (a godly wife has a gentle and peaceful demeanor with her husband)

Can any of us be perfect wives, as described in the Bible?  No way.  None of us is capable of performing to this incredibly high standard every day.  However, we are to earnestly seek to grow more and more like the Biblical model each day, and we all need to pray for Jesus to give us a willing heart to obey his instructions to us.  🙂

What I wish mom had told me

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I wish my mom had told me sooooo many things! 

  • I wish she would have warned me that high school age boys with raging hormones would pressure me to have sex and use the infamous line “If you love me, you will….”  
  • I wish she would have told me that following God’s ways, instead of the ways of the culture, leads to great blessing and peace.  Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
  • I wish I would have known that a marriage will never survive if your husband is sinning against you, and you avoid addressing the issue because of fear of conflict.
  • I wish I would have known that if you continue avoiding conflict, your heart will start to grow so hard and cold toward your husband that the devil will gain a huge foothold in your marriage, and you will likely spiral down into divorce.  Ephesians 4:26-27   “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
  • I wish my mom had told me that a Christian woman CAN and should set boundaries on sinful behavior of her husband, and perhaps even separate for a while if necessary.  (Matthew 18:15-17)
  • I wish my mom had told me that a marriage can be better than you ever imagined if both spouses follow the Lord, die to self, and strive to be a blessing to the other.  That is the secret sauce of marriage!  Galatians 5:13 says “serve one another humbly in love.”
  • I wish I would have known that even after your spouse is ripped away from you in death, that God is still good to those who trust in Him, and He can and will bring beauty from ashes.  Psalm 103:4-5  who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

I may not be your mother, but now you know!!!