verses

Forgiving relatives who hurt you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Wounds received by a person in close relationship with you are especially damaging.  Whether it’s your mom, your husband, your sister or your grandpa….when a loved one says something or does something hurtful, the wound cuts exceptionally deep.  After all, you were supposed to be able to trust that relative to love you!  As a result, we’re often stunned when their behavior cuts like a knife instead.

As a believer, we know we’re instructed by God to forgive those who sin against us, but that’s quite a heavy-lift when the person who sinned against us was supposed to be a person we could totally trust.  So, how do we forgive a relative who has sinned against us?  Here are 4 quick insights from the Bible.

  1. It’s essential that you remind yourself that both you and that relative are sinners and you both are in need of mercy and grace!  Sometimes, we conveniently forget that we have also let people down or sinned against people in the past.  Once you remind yourself that you too are a sinner, it’s much easier to forgive that other person, because they kind of resemble you!  Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
  2. Pray for God to give you a compassionate heart and unconditional love for that relative, because that’s how God treats you and I, even though we are sinners.  Psalm 103:8 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.”
  3. Make the decision to release that relative from your desire to punish them or seek revenge for what they did to you.   This is what God instructs in Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 
  4. Because trust has been broken in a close relationship, ask God (and perhaps some godly mentors) whether you should have any boundaries with that relative moving forward.  If staying in close relationship with this person could cause serious physical, emotional, mental or spiritual harm to you, God may want you to keep your distance, at least for a period of time.  Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.

Tips for joy & laughter in family

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t quite remember where I heard this, but it has stuck with me even though I heard it 20 years ago.  Make it your aim to fill your house with so much love and joy that the laughter of your family bounces off the walls!  Wow!  Don’t we all want that?  I know I do.

So how do we get there?  I believe the Bible reveals several keys to bringing joy and laughter into our homes.  First, choose an attitude of hope instead of dwelling on a big, hairy list of all the things that are wrong in your life!  Proverbs 10:28 says “The hope of the righteous brings joy“.    Second, eliminate some things from your schedule if you are becoming grumpy due to exhaustion and stress.  Isaiah 30:15 says “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”   And third, have a sense of humor!  Be playful. Allow yourself to be goofy sometimes!  Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine“. 

Oh, and one more thing.  If you are holding bitterness and resentment against your spouse, deal with that.  If it is the result of something that happened a long time ago, you need to let it go!!  If it’s the result of an ongoing pattern of sin against you, then you will need to respectfully confront your husband.  Ongoing resentment will suck all the laughter and joy out of your home.

When to make big decisions

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was reading the creation story the other day and was struck once again at how easily Satan deceived Eve.  Genesis 3:1-6   Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”  The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,  but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”   “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.  “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”   When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it.

What struck me in this account is that the cunning serpent (the devil) was wise enough to whisper enticing words of deception to Eve when she was all alone.  Adam wasn’t on the scene.  Why was the devil so effective?  It would appear that part of the reason for his success in tempting Eve to make a horribly wrong decision is because she was not with Adam.   She consulted no one about the temptation she had received.  She consulted no one during her deliberation as to whether to actually eat from the forbidden tree of good and evil.  She consulted no one before making a huge, life-changing decision.  It seemed beneficial to her.  So, she just did it!

We can learn from Eve’s mistake.  If you’re considering a major decision in life (quitting your job, leveraging all your savings on a new money-making idea, separating from your husband, bailing your teen out of natural consequences of bad decisions, etc), pause before acting!  Consult a godly mentor.  Better yet, pray with several wise and godly people in your life.  Ask them all to seek guidance from the Bible and the Holy Spirit.  You will often spare yourself unnecessary pain in the long run!

How affirmation changes husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Did you know a huge majority of men struggle with feeling inadequate on almost every level?  It’s true.  Since God designed men to be leaders in revealing the nature of God, it’s to be expected that Satan would try to destroy that mission by making men feel like they’re not up to that challenge!  Satan is constantly whispering to your man that he is a failure, that he’s not good enough, that he’s not smart enough, and that he doesn’t have what it takes to be a godly leader, husband, father or provider.  These are all lies!  Jesus tells us in John 8:44 that Satan is “the father of lies“.

Unfortunately, when a husband starts believing these lies, he often decides to either give up trying to be a good husband or he may numb out by using pornography or alcohol, or by becoming a workaholic.

However, a man’s wife has the ability to counteract the voice of Satan!  Ladies, why don’t you start telling your husband that you believe in him?  Tell him that he CAN do it.  Let him know that you see good qualities in him.  Remind him about his unique talents and spiritual gifts. Show him the respect that God commands wives to display in Ephesians 5:33.  As you affirm him and esteem him, you may likely find that your man becomes more confident and becomes an even better man than he is now.

A common temptation for women

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

It may give you a little thrill, but it leads downhill!  The thrill I’m talking about is that little rush women get when we draw the attention of a man. It feels SO good!  This is all completely fine as long as the man is your husband, but often we go out in public dressed in such a way that other men are tempted to lust over our bodies. 

When we wear skin-tight clothes, cleavage-displaying shirts, extremely short skirts or midriff-baring tops, we are leading other men downhill.  The attention might feel good, but do you really want to lead these men into the sin of lust?  In Luke 17:1 Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come.”  Also, 1 Corinthians 10:32 says “Do not cause anyone to stumble“.

Let’s pledge to dress modestly instead of provocatively around our male co-workers, men at the store, and men at church.  Let’s not be the downfall of the men around us.  Think of it this way.  Would you like it if another woman was dressing provocatively in front of your husband?

Don’t look at that squirrel!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I sensed God reminding me of something this week, and I have a feeling He might want to remind you too.  Let me start out by saying, as followers of Jesus, we have great purpose in life.  Our purpose is to bring Him glory.  We do that by loving the Lord, serving the Lord, obeying the Lord, telling others about Jesus, and loving the people He has placed in our life.  Here’s the problem.  I often start out my day with a desire and passion to bring God glory, but then….squirrel!  My attention gets drawn away to something else!  How about you? 

It’s so easy to get distracted by the “shiny objects”, the newest gadgets, the luxury items we think we need to have, etc.  And if we allow our attention to be diverted long enough, we start focusing on making more money to buy more things instead of focusing on loving God.  For you, the “squirrel” might be getting distracted by our culture’s relentless message that we need to create the perfect home interior or alter our face or body so that it resembles the women on the cover of magazines.

Ladies, we need to continually check in with the Holy Spirit throughout the day and ask Him, “Am I getting distracted away from you?”  We need to take our thoughts captive!  2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Let me add that this same problem of the “squirrel” or distraction can also impact our marriages.  The devil loves to get us to focus our attention on the neighbor man who seems so nice, or that male co-worker who seems so compassionate and empathetic.  Don’t look at the squirrel!  Stay focused on the good qualities of your husband and refuse to look at or fantasize about another man.  Take captive every thought instead of letting your thoughts run wild, destroying your good intentions in the process.

** or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

If your husband has an addiction…

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You have two choices if your husband is struggling with an addiction to alcohol, porn, gambling, drugs, video games, etc.  The first choice is to wring your hands in despair, whine to your friends, tell him how disgusted you are in him, allow yourself to grow resentful, and eventually divorce him.  Hmm.  That doesn’t sound like the best choice for your family!

The second choice is much more likely to result in his eventual release from the stranglehold of the addiction.  You can choose to pray for him daily, lovingly ask him to seek help through counseling or a 12-step program, set firm boundaries on any behavior that adversely impacts you or your family, and continue to speak “words of life” to him.  What do I mean by “speaking words of life”?  I mean reminding your husband of his many good qualities; reminding him that God has great plans for him; and reminding him that you still love him and that you are willing to stand next to him in this battle.  Your words are so very important.  Proverbs 18:21 puts it this way: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”.

Your husband will be much more likely to put in the hard work to break free from his addiction if he feels supported, encouraged and loved by his wife.  Yes, you must have firm boundaries, but he still needs to know you are for him.  He needs to hear words of hope for the future if he commits to doing the hard work to break free from the addiction.

Big tip for step-parents

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Pretty much anyone who has entered the arena of blended families and step-parenting knows that it is like trying to walk across a field of landmines.  Typically, the biggest problem is that the step-parent thinks the step-child should love and respect them just like they would their biological parent.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work that way.

Here’s the best piece of advice I ever heard on this subject.  As the step-parent, take the time (perhaps years!) to sow nothing but love into the relationship with your new stepchild.  Resist the desire to step in as disciplinarian and let the biological parent handle that.  As a couple, talk with your spouse behind closed doors about how “situations” and discipline should be handled, but then let the biological parent actually carry it out.

The idea of sowing love into a person before expecting that person to love you in return is actually demonstrated by Jesus.  The Bible says “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).  We need to model this as step-parents.  Your step-child needs to see you demonstrate love for a sustained period of time before believing you actually have their best interests at heart.  This may truly take years, especially if the child is over the age of about 5 when you first enter the new marriage.  Be patient.

This could make your husband better!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Ladies, your words are so very powerful and influential in your husband’s life!  Whether you realize it or not, every time you criticize your husband or correct your husband or point out flaws in your husband’s ideas, you are crushing his spirit.  Every time you crush his spirit, he ends up feeling like more and more of a failure until he eventually gives up trying.  I have lost track of how many husbands have told me and my husband in a counseling session “I can’t do anything right”.  When a husband says this, he has pretty much conceded defeat.  He no longer has the motivation to strive to be a better husband and father.  He no longer even believes that’s possible,

On the other hand, ladies, a husband who is frequently affirmed and encouraged by his wife gains the courage and the motivation to do the hard work to become an even better husband and father.  He can tell his wife believes in him, so he begins believing in himself as well.  A wife’s kind, encouraging, affirming words can actually esteem her husband to greatness!

Ladies, in Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good for man to be alone: I will create a helper suitable for him.”  One of the best ways you can help your man is by being his chief encourager!  Resist the urge to point out his faults and failures.  Choose to encourage him instead.  Catch the vision of esteeming your husband to greatness!  You’ll both be happier!

Easy way to show husband respect

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

All men crave respect, and husbands especially crave the respect of their wives.  In fact, the Bible even commands wives to respect their husbands!  You can find this instruction in Ephesians 5:33.  The question is:  How can you offer respect to your husband in a meaningful way?

Here is one way to show your husband honor and respect.  Ask his opinion about how he would like things to go in your home and in your marriage relationship, listen attentively, and actually carry out his requests that are within reason.  When you do this, you are showing him that he matters!  You are also carrying out another instruction to wives found in Ephesians 5:22 where God says “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord”. 

Here are some examples of what I’m talking about.  Have you asked your husband how he likes you to dress or fix your hair?  Why not honor him by doing these things the way he likes?  Have you asked your husband what’s most important to him when he walks through the door at the end of his workday?  Would he like you and the kids to greet him at the door with kisses, or would he prefer to have 10 minutes of peace and quiet to unwind?  Have you asked your husband how many activities he thinks is ideal for the children? 

Ask him, listen to his opinion, and begin incorporating his desires into your routine.  This will communicate respect, and when he feels your respect, your whole marriage relationship will likely improve!