verses

Do you have approval exhaustion?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

In a recent prayer time, God gently confronted me.  He asked me this simple question.  Are you going to be a slave to your to-do-list today, or are you going to focus on bringing me glory?  Here is another way of posing the question for both you and me:  Are you working tirelessly to bring yourself glory as the “perfect wife’, “perfect mother”, perfect Christian, etc, or are you releasing your day to God and asking him to show you what to do and what NOT to do in order to bring HIM glory?

Oh man!  Busted.  To be honest, I tend to drive myself to always do more and do it better, because I want to look good in other people’s eyes.  I become exhausted and stressed in the process.  The good news is that God didn’t design us to be people-pleasers.  Yes, we are to love people, but our focus shouldn’t be on doing whatever they want.  Our focus also shouldn’t be trying to look good in people’s eyes.  The Bible reminds us in Galatians 1:10 “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?”

I am confident that if you and I were both to release our days to God and ask Him to guide us, we would find much more peace!  We would be free of performance-exhaustion.  We would find freedom from approval exhaustion.  Instead, we would be free to follow God’s promptings, which will lead to greater joy and peace than we’ve ever known. In fact, if you listen for God’s voice, he might even tell you to take a nap or relax while listening to praise music!  God’s Word promises that those who seek to follow Him (instead of following their own agenda) will enter peace!  (Isaiah 57:2 says, “For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; he enters into peace.” And Isaiah 26:3 reminds us, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”

Handling melancholy or hopelessness

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When we are going through a difficult season in our marriage, or faced with any challenging situation, we tend to feel so alone in our distress.  We tend to feel a sort of melancholy sweep over us, which leads to a feeling of emptiness or hopelessness.  It feels like no one really understands.  It feels like no one really cares.  However, I’ve come to realize that those “feelings” are not correct!  It’s also dawned on me that the enemy of our souls is busy whispering lies to us to try to get us to align ourselves with the feeling of despair, hopelessness, and emptiness.  He throws fuel on the fire by whispering “you’re all alone” and “no one understands”, and “your situation will never change”, and “no one really cares”.

We must catch ourselves when we sense hopelessness or melancholy starting to invade.  At that very moment, we need to refuse to align with the lies of the enemy.  Instead, we must begin actively coaching ourselves with truth from God’s Word!  Mediate on these 6 powerful bits of Scripture when you’re feeling alone and battling with hopelessness, emptiness or melancholy:

Psalm 73:23-24 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

Psalm 40:1-2 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Hebrews 13:5  God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Forgiveness with boundaries

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) 1 Comment

For anyone who has read the Bible’s New Testament, it’s hard to escape God’s frequent instruction for us to forgive others who have wounded or offended us in some way.  A prime example is Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  Yet, many women struggle with what forgiveness actually looks like if the person who hurt you continues to pose emotional, mental, or physical danger.

Please allow me to share what I’ve learned after spending time studying the Bible and also helping numerous women grapple with forgiveness.  Here’s the big takeaway.  You can and must forgive the other person in terms of letting justice rest in God’s hands and choosing to avoid the temptation to hope (or make) them suffer for what they did. However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean you need to be in a close relationship with that person or leave your heart wide open for further damage. 

God gives a really pivotal instruction in Proverbs 4:23 where He says, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”.  That’s where boundaries come in.  If the person who deeply hurt you is still posing a significant danger to your emotional, mental or physical health, it’s appropriate to guard yourself by establishing a boundary in the relationship.  This might mean a season of separation from that other person.  This might mean keeping yourself distant until you see signs that this person may no longer be a danger to you, or that you have undergone sufficient healing from the Lord so that you are now strong enough to be around this other person.

Yes, we must forgive, but we must also be wise in terms of guarding ourselves from further harm.

2 ways to combat fear & anxiety

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but I can sometimes get consumed with the “what if” questions.  What if a loved one passes away?  What if I don’t have enough money to be secure in old age?  What if my kids make a really bad life-altering decision?  When I start thinking this way, my serenity level plunges, and my anxiety level shoots through the roof!

Well, here are two decisions that both you and I can make in order to regain peace of mind:

1) We must decide to follow the instructions given in Philippians 4:6-7, which says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  In other words, we need to tell God all our concerns, ask Him to be in control, and then LEAVE the concerns in His hands!

2)  We must remind ourselves every morning that Jesus is FOR us and that we can trust Him to bring something good out of even the most daunting or difficult situation.  I mean, seriously, do we believe God loves us and that He is perfect in all His ways?  If we REALLY do, then we can relax and realize that, even in difficult circumstances, He has a plan to bring about good things in the lives of those who love Him.  This is the essence of Romans 8:28… “and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.“

Get unstuck from grief, bitterness, despair

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Most every person I know struggles with something, and often in the midst of that struggle, we get stuck in a rut.  Even though we don’t like where we are, we often do the very things that keep us mired down in that area.

Some people get stuck in a rut regarding a dysfunctional coping mechanism such as drinking too much alcohol, or overeating, or over-shopping!   Other people get stuck in a rut in terms of unhealthy and unhelpful communication with their family members.  They might get stuck in the habit of yelling and criticizing or complaining.  And still other people get stuck in a rut regarding depression and despair.  Obviously, no one wants to stay in this rut, but we can’t seem to get ourselves unstuck!

Please allow me to share a few Bible insights that have really helped me get unstuck so I can move forward with joy, peace, and hope.

  1. I’ve learned to do what Paul teaches in Philippians 3:13-14….  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.   Let me make this personal.  I lost my husband to Covid in 2021.  It was shocking.  It was devastating.  My world tipped upside down.  And I could have easily got stuck in depression and even resentment toward God.  However, I distinctly remember the moment I decided to pivot from the pain and turn forward, asking God to open up new adventures and new joys in my life.  That was a choice.  It was a really good one.  I was able to heal and start grabbing hold of joy again.
  2. I’ve learned to pause and consult God when I notice dysfunctional habits in my life.  I ask Him to change my heart so that I desire good things, healthy things, and behavior that please Him.  On my own, I don’t really have the strength to make these changes, but when God comes in and changes my heart in response to prayer, then I have the strength and strong desire necessary to make those changes!  Listen to what God says in Ezekiel 36:26-27  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.   Ask God to change your heart. That’s the first step in getting unstuck from bad habits and unhealthy behavior.

BTW, if you feel stuck, I have written a book all about getting unstuck!  It’s called Pivot and here is the link on Amazon. 😊  https://a.co/d/03x4O11D

God is calling you to be still

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’re like most women, you’re busy…REALLY busy.   Most of us are multi-taskers to the max.  We are trying to balance housekeeping, with nurturing children, with investing in our marriage, with maybe even working full-time outside the home.  Oh, and you might be trying to help out at the local food bank or your church too!  More than likely, you’re exhausted, stressed, and maybe even a bit cranky.  Did I hit that nail on the head? 

How about if we all intentionally slow down?  What if you and I were to ask God in prayer for His direction on where we can cut something out of our busy lives?  Is there a better way to divide responsibilities in our home?  Should you cut out one of the kid’s activities? 

Do you simply need to take 10 or 15 minutes twice a day to be still with God?  Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”.  Maybe it’s time for us to carve out some time to be still for a few minutes each day, perhaps with a cup of lemonade sitting outside on a summer day or snuggled in a comfy chair listening to worships music on a winter day.  I have a feeling that we will find our stress drain away as we enter a time of stillness, and as we become less stressed, everyone around us will benefit!  In fact, your husband may become the biggest fan of your “be still” time with God!  You’ll probably be less cranky. Lol

And by the way, I believe God is calling us to be still in a different way as well.  In Psalm 37:7, the Bible says “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…”   Perhaps God is asking you to calm down in the middle of a challenge, give your anxiety and fear to the Lord, and then wait patiently for Him to respond to your prayers before charging ahead!  Maybe this is another way He is asking you to be still.  Just a thought.

Feel like ending your marriage?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Do you feel tempted to throw in the towel regarding your marriage?  I know it can be tempting to just bail out, but please let me encourage you to do everything you can to fight FOR your marriage!

When you’re going through a serious challenge in your marriage, it seems right to choose the path where the pain can be quickly relieved.  In a nutshell, it often seems best to choose divorce.  But I’ve been through divorce, and I can honestly say that even though some of your pain will be relieved, you’ll be faced with a whole new set of problems and heartbreak.

So, maybe you should try something else.  What if you were to seek outside counsel for your marriage? What if you were to spend time on your knees crying out to God on behalf of your marriage? What if you were to courageously, but respectfully, confront your husband if he is seriously out of line in some area?  That could be the beginning of a turn-around in your marriage.

And also, please consider that other people are watching how you handle challenging times. Your children are watching how you handle this.  Are you teaching them to bail out of situations and relationships when the going gets tough, or are you showing them how to persevere and do the hard work to restore the relationship?  Meditate on Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus…”

Yes, sometimes ending the marriage may be the right path, especially if there has been a pattern of affairs or abuse.  But often, we choose to end a marriage because of resentment or unmet expectations or because “he’s not making me happy”.   Please, please, please work to address the issues that are prompting you to consider divorce.  There may be a way to develop a healthier perspective and a healthier relationship.  This will likely take work, and the process could be painful, but often good things happen when we persevere through the pain!

Dealing with a controlling husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Many women struggle with following the leadership of their husbands because their men seem to be controlling, manipulative, or inconsiderate.  When is it proper to submit to such “leadership” and when is it appropriate to respectfully draw a boundary?

Well, according to the Bible, a godly husband will love his wife in a selfless way (Ephesians 5:25) and will treat his wife with consideration and respect (1 Peter 3:7).   These verses give us a pretty clear picture of what a godly husband looks like.  As a result, it seems pretty clear that a controlling husband, one who bullies or intimidates his wife and children, is NOT behaving in the way that God intended.

I believe a wife can respectfully confront a husband who is trying to control, intimidate, bully, or manipulate her.  She may need to lovingly, but firmly, establish boundaries on what she will tolerate. This might mean simply walking away when he begins to start bullying or controlling.  If he continues to follow you, it could mean even leaving the home for awhile. I would add that it would be very wise to consult with other godly women, a pastor, or a counselor before moving forward in establishing boundaries.  It’s always best to make sure that you are evaluating the situation clearly.

You’re not alone or forgotten

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, during the really challenging moments in life, we feel all alone in the struggle.  The enemy of our soul starts whispering lie after lie.  He tells us God doesn’t care.  He tells us nobody understands.  He whispers that we are all alone and nobody will help us.  What a bunch of filthy lies!

The truth is that if you believe Jesus died on the cross for your sins and if you have chosen to follow Him as the leader of your life, then God will never leave you…not for one second!  Others might abandon you and others might disappoint you, but God tells us in His Word that He will never leave us or forsake us.  You can read that in Hebrews 13:5.  We also read in Psalm 27:10 that even if our mom and dad desert us, the Lord will hold us close.  Hallelujah!

Here’s something else that occurred to me recently.  When someone asks me to pray for them due to a super challenging situation, I always seem to be prompted to pray “Lord, hold __________ in the palm of your hand.”  Frankly, I’ve always kind of wondered why I feel prompted to pray that way.  Why do I tend to ask God to hold them in the “palm of His hand”?  Well, I stumbled across the reason the other day.  I found it in Isaiah 49:14-16 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…”  Wow!  God has engraved your name on the palm of His hand.  He will never forget you. He is holding you tenderly, always.

Handling irritation/anger toward husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Does your mouth often cause trouble between you and your husband (or between you and other people)?  If you’re one of many women who end up “venting” their irritation, frustration or anger in an unkind way, or saying harsh words you later regret, God’s Word gives us 3 clues on how we can respond appropriately when we start to feel our anger rising.

1)  Pause.  Just stop.  Leave the room for a moment if you need to.  Don’t react in the moment because your gut-level reaction will almost always cause trouble!  James 1:19 puts it this way, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  So pause before you react verbally.

2)  During the pause, consult the Holy Spirit and ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand how to love and respect your husband with your response.  Would your husband be positively impacted by a gentle and encouraging word from you?  Would your husband be more willing to make changes that you’re requesting if you showed him respect by asking him to help you understand his perspective?  Philippians 2:4 says “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.“

3)  When you’re ready to address the issue with your husband, say a silent prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to be the one speaking to your husband by using your mouth.  Trust me. The Holy Spirit will come up with much better words than you ever could, and will utter those words in a much more respectful way!  When speaking to his disciples, Jesus said in Matthew 10:19-20, “But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”