All work and no play make Jack and Jill….grumpy. Could this be the case for you and your husband? Most American couples are way too busy. We’re working exhausting hours outside the home to make more money. We’re running the kids to 12 different activities so that they have a chance to “excel” in something. We’re throwing dinner together while doing laundry and helping the kids with algebra homework. We’re running on empty and then we wonder why we’re grumpy! Duh! We need to give ourselves permission for a mental time-out.
When is the last time you and your husband let the house chores wait and decided to watch a funny movie? When is the last time you guys invited some couples over for “game night”? You need to give yourself permission to play every once and awhile. Your brain and your body need a rest. You need to have fun and spend some time laughing. Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine“. Maybe your marriage needs a spoonful of this medicine…the medicine called fun and laughter. It’s a great antidote for grumpiness. 🙂
Have you lost that “in love” feeling with your husband? Are you feeling like there should be more in your relationship? There could be some major problems in your marriage that need to be addressed. However, it could be that you’ve fallen prey to the notion that your relationship with your husband should resemble the thrill of new romance portrayed in chick flicks and romance novels.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love watching a good romantic movie like The Proposal with Sandra Bullock. I have enjoyed reading Christian romance novels. However…you and I have to be so careful that we don’t start subconsciously thinking our marriages should have that constant thrill of new romance. That’s unrealistic. There is no way we’re going to be “twitterpated” (like Thumper in the Bambi movie) all the time! Also, our husbands couldn’t possibly be as breathtaking as the men portrayed in the romantic comedies or as perfect as the men in the Christian romance novels! It’s all a beautiful delusion from the enemy who wants to destroy your marriage. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 11:14 “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light”
And here’s one more caution. Did you realize that many romantic comedies actually promote a woman leaving the man she’s with to find the “true soul mate” awaiting her? Yikes! We get so involved with the romance story that we don’t even notice this is the case! Think of Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With The Wind. She pines away for the man who’s already married to someone else. In Sleepless In Seattle, Meg Ryan’s character is engaged but feels there must be someone better out there. The list goes on and on. So, let’s be careful to avoid unrealistic expectations of our men and our marriages.
Since we all know what to expect with each season of the calendar year, we can prepare ahead. However, when it comes to the seasons of a marriage, most of us are completely ignorant! In our ignorance, we are easily caught off guard. We haven’t adequately prepared. So, let’s be intentional about preparing for each season. As Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent lead to profit…”
So, let me offer a little insight into the seasons of a marriage, now that I’ve seen some seasons come and go 🙂 The first season is an exciting sprint to the altar. We are giddy with excitement and anticipation. As a bride, we are the center of attention. The world revolves around us. We feel like the princess in a fairy tale. We love this season. It feels like summer, when everything is in full bloom and the sun warms your skin.
However, once we return from the honeymoon, and life goes back to “normal”, we can feel let down. It’s not all about me anymore! Often, husbands feel like they’ve won the prize and get to relax now. Sometimes the romance falls away. We plug along, but it’s beginning to feel like fall. The leaves are falling off the trees. If we don’t pay attention, our marriage can become stripped of its vitality.
Then, children enter the picture. We’re so excited, just like we enjoy the first snowfall of the winter. It’s beautiful. Sometimes this “winter season” is wonderful, but often we pay too much attention to the children and little or no attention to our marriage during this time. If we don’t intentionally nurture our marriage, Satan sneaks in to cause trouble just like a cold draft sneaks under a poorly sealed door.
Ah, but then there’s spring. If we’ve made it through those challenging winter months, and if we’ve been nurturing the relationship with our husband, our marriage begins to really bloom again! The kids are growing up or are already out on their own, and you have some free time available. You now have time for shared hobbies, shared adventures, shared pursuit of ministry opportunities, shared smiles with the grandchildren. Spring is a wonderful reward for paying attention to your marriage during the other seasons. It might include a little rain now and then, but hey, the rain helps bring new life.
The Appreciated Wife 