Relaunching your marriage

Some of you have had a rough couple of months or couple of years in your marriage.  You may have a mountain-size load of resentment toward your husband.  Perhaps your husband also holds a gigantic amount of resentment toward you.  If this is you….if you find yourself in the pit of despair regarding your marriage, I want to encourage you to blow up that marriage.  Yep.  You heard me right.  Blow up your marriage in order to start fresh and build a better one, with the same husband!

Sometimes, we just need to start over when something in our lives has gone terribly wrong.  However, our first impulse is to throw out the whole thing; to discard the thing that has brought heartache and disappointment.  But that doesn’t give God any room to work, and that attitude basically lets both your husband and you off the hook in terms of making any changes in how you do relationships.   If you toss out your existing marriage, you’ll just bring the same dysfunctional patterns into your next relationship.

So, how about completely resetting your marriage?  Listen to what God says in Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland”.  What if you were to apply those words to your marriage?  The devil wants to keep you focused on past hurts.  That way you will be forever stuck.  Don’t fall for his evil plot against you!  Starting today, stop dwelling on the past, sit down with your husband and ask him if he would be willing to start afresh, with BOTH of you putting actual daily effort into blessing the other, serving the other, speaking the other’s love language, and showing care for the other.  This attitude shift can accomplish absolutely amazing things!

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Repairing a fractured marriage

Dog-gone it.  Sometimes marriage is so hard.  Sometimes, the imperfections of our spouse end up hurting us…deeply.  Your husband may have wounded you with an anger problem.  He may have cheated on you with porn or a real-life woman.  He may have spent more time with his hobbies than he did with you and the kids, and that really hurt.  Hopefully, he’s no longer doing those things.

However, even if he has made some positive changes, the wounding can be so severe that your heart might feel a little like a cracked egg. It’s kind of like Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall and went splat!  Even if your husband repents, how can your heart be put back together again?

Here are two thoughts that may help.  First, ask God to give you the same kind of compassion for your husband that God extends to us when we mess up.  You might want to meditate on Colossians 3:12-14 which says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” 

Second, use this moment to examine your own actions and see if there is something God wants you to learn.  During some of the times in my life when I was most hurt by others, God gently showed me ways I contributed to the mess.  Have you been reacting to your husband’s behavior in disrespectful ways?  Have you avoided conflict and let resentment become toxic?  You and I probably both have some things we should learn.  Let’s commit to being humble and teachable.