We ALL bring expectations into our relationships.  Much of the time, our expectations are somewhat subconscious and subtle.  We don’t spend a lot of time pondering whether our expectations are realistic or correct.  However, we often do spend a lot of time being disappointed or frustrated with the other person for failing to meet our expectations or for causing us misery similar to painful relationships we had in childhood.  It’s time we adjusted our expectations, especially when it comes to marriage!  There are two different ways we may need to adjust our expectations.  If one way doesn’t apply to you, I bet the other one will.

First, many of us subconsciously expect our husbands to be pretty much perfect.  We wouldn’t say that out loud because it sounds rather ridiculous, but nonetheless, we find ourselves sinking into despair if our husband isn’t empathetic enough, or romantic enough, or providing enough.  We become super frustrated if he wrestles with an addiction, doesn’t play with the kids enough, or doesn’t seem to shoulder his share of the responsibilities in taking care of the home.  News flash: Your husband isn’t Jesus!  He can’t be perfect in every way because he’s human! There is only one person who can perfectly meet all your needs, and that person is Jesus. Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.  So look to Jesus as your main source of love and security, and let your husband off the hook.  Be thankful for the good qualities your husband does have and cut him a little slack in the areas where he is less than perfect.

However, for some of you, your dysfunctional childhood led you to expect that men would always treat a woman poorly.  You experienced an abusive environment in your family of origin, so it seems somewhat normal for you to endure abuse from your husband.  Change your expectations!!  It is not okay or normal for a husband to engage in a pattern of verbal, mental, spiritual, or emotional abuse of his wife.  It is never okay for a man to physically harm his wife.  If you are experiencing such abuse, I urge you to seek help immediately.  I urge you to separate yourself from your husband, at least temporarily, while asking him to get serious help for his anger problem.  As I was contemplating Bible guidance for a woman in an abusive relationship, a principle came to mind from 1 Corinthians 7.  Paul was writing to slaves (who were in an oppressive and sometimes abusive situation), and he said this in verse 21, “if you can gain your freedom, do so.”   Do not expect or tolerate abuse in your situation.  It may be necessary for you to gain freedom from abuse through a legal separation.

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