quiet

Your husband’s “nothing box”

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, men are so hard to understand!  When we first see our husbands at the end of our work day, whether working away from home or inside the home, we LOVE to talk about how the day has gone.  We eagerly await our husband’s arrival so that we can share the details about the children, the crazy thing the neighbors did today, the weird stuff that happened at work, etc.  We LOVE to verbally process the day with our husbands.  But guess what?  Most men are not exactly excited about having a long conversation with their wives as soon as they walk in the door.  They long to spend some time in their “nothing box”.  Huh?

It’s hard for women to understand a man’s need for his “nothing box” because most women don’t even know what one is!  I’ve had a few men explain it to me in two different ways.  It can refer to most men’s uncanny ability to think about absolutely nothing…to completely zone out! It can also refer to a man’s need to have down time where he can veg.  Here’s the basic idea.  After a long day at work, most men need to enjoy either quiet or mindless activity in order to decompress from their day.  This means your husband probably doesn’t want to hear the fascinating details of your day as soon as he walks in the door and he probably doesn’t want to talk about his day either…at least not for a while.

So, give your husband some space when he first walks in the door.  Greet him with a smile and a kiss and then allow him some time in his “nothing box”.    You will become more beautiful to him.  God says this to wives in 1 Peter 3:3-4, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit…”

How wives display a “gentle” spirit

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

1 Peter 3:4 instructs wives to have a gentle, quiet spirit.  Hmmm.  This can be a rather confusing and frustrating instruction!  In fact, many wives rebel against this guidance from the Lord.  Why is that?  Well, I think it boils down to 2 things.

First, some wives fear that being quiet and gentle means they’re going to be controlled by their husband or become a weak doormat kind of wife!  Personally, in my marriage to my late husband Raul, I feared being controlled.  It’s because I was hurt by people who controlled me when I was young.  So, I rebelled at anything that even smelled like control!  But here’s what both you and I need to know.  Just because we allow our husbands to lead, does not mean that we are weak and have no voice.  It is something we get to CHOOSE to do to bring honor to God and honor to our husbands.  Also, you are not a doormat because you DO get to speak up respectfully and establish boundaries if your husband is sinning against you. (Matthew 18:15-17)

Second, some wives fear that if they strive for a gentle, quiet spirit that they’re going to have to change their personality!  But that’s just not true!  You can still be playful, joyful, and flirty with your husband.  However, you choose not to yell at him, argue with him about everything, boss him around, and demand your own way all the time.  🙂

Does God want you to stop?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’re like most women, you’re busy…REALLY busy. Most of us are multi-taskers to the max. We are trying to balance housekeeping, with nurturing children, with investing in our marriage, with maybe even working full-time outside the home. Oh, and you might be trying to help out at the local food bank or your church too! More than likely, you’re exhausted, stressed, and maybe even a bit cranky. Did I hit that nail on the head?


How about if we all intentionally slow down? What if you and I were to ask God in prayer for His direction on where we can cut something out of our busy lives? Is there a better way to divide responsibilities in our home? Should you cut out one of the kid’s activities?


Do you simply need to take 10 or 15 minutes twice a day to be still with God? Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”. Maybe it’s time for us to carve out some time to be still for a few minutes each day, perhaps with a cup of lemonade sitting outside on a summer day or snuggled in a comfy chair listening to worships music on a winter day. I have a feeling that we will find our stress drain away as we enter a time of stillness, and as we become less stressed, everyone around us will benefit! In fact, your husband may become the biggest fan of your “be still” time with God! You’ll probably be less cranky. Lol


And by the way, I believe God is calling us to be still in a different way as well. In Psalm 37:7, the Bible says “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…” Perhaps God is asking you to calm down in the middle of a challenge, give your anxiety and fear to the Lord, and then wait patiently for Him to respond to your prayers before charging ahead! Maybe this is another way He is asking you to be still. Just a thought.