When we first pledge our love to each other on our wedding day, we never think either one of us could possibly end up having an affair years later. Tragically, it happens quite frequently, and even among Christian couples. We can’t be ignorant of Satan’s mission revealed by Jesus in John 10:10 where He says Satan is out to “kill, steal, and destroy”. Satan would like nothing better than to rip apart your marriage. He is always plotting ways to get you or your spouse connected with someone of the opposite sex. That’s why we have to be vigilant from day one!
James 4:7 advises us…”Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” One of the ways we can resist the devil’s schemes to destroy our marriages is to talk with our husbands about rules we will both follow relating to the opposite sex. Agree that you will never spend time alone with another man and your husband will never spend time alone with another woman. If your job requires you to be in a one-on-one meeting with someone of the opposite sex, agree that the door will always be left open. Agree that you will never share anything personal about your marriage with a member of the opposite sex. If at all possible, agree to never work as a two-person team with a member of the opposite sex on a project or at your job. That feeling of being a “team” is extremely bonding!
Safeguard your marriage. You may think you don’t need all these strict rules, but I know from personal experience that you do. Many solid Christians have fallen into Satan’s trap by failing to follow these safeguards. Don’t let your marriage be another notch in the devil’s belt.
I’m outing him. I’m exposing one of Satan’s main strategies for tripping up wives and potentially destroying their marriages. I can speak from experience because I got caught in this scheme. Ugh. Here it is. The enemy will subtly lure you into a “friendship” with a man other than your husband. It will start very innocently. It may evolve very slowly. But here’s what I know. Once you start sharing your feelings, your troubles, and your hopes with a man, you start emotionally bonding with that man. Once a man starts sharing his burdens and his feelings with you, you start to bond with that man. Now you’re in treacherous water, and it’s only a matter of time before you get sucked into an actual affair.
I know some of you don’t believe me, but trust me, this has happened to countless women, including wonderful Christian ladies. It happened to me at the end of my first marriage. I never would have believed it could happen to me! For me, it took over 10 years for Satan to build a strong enough emotional bond with the man for me to be ensnared, but apparently the devil is pretty patient. Don’t let this happen to you. Refuse to spend time alone with another man, even at a public location. Refuse to discuss your marriage or your husband with another man, unless it’s a pastor or counselor. God instructs us in 1 Peter 5:8 to “be self-controlled and alert because the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour“. Be smart. Be alert to this scheme from the pit of hell!
Let’s not be ignorant. Satan is dead-set on destroying your marriage and killing your joy. Jesus explains in John 10:10 that the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy. Furthermore, Jesus reveals in John 8:44 that one of Satan’s favorite schemes to destroy you entails lying to you.
He will try to plant lies in your mind such as this: Your husband doesn’t love you. You deserve a different husband. You are not loveable. You will never be happy with your husband. You better not challenge any sinful behavior by your husband because if you do, he will leave you and you won’t be able to take care of yourself. Do any of these lies sound familiar?
Thankfully, Jesus also tells us the way to stand against the enemy’s plans to destroy us and our marriages. It’s a four-part recipe. First, ask God to reveal lies of the enemy that you’ve been buying! When negative, critical, or fearful thoughts enter my head, I try to remember to pause and ask myself, “Does this sound like something God would say, or is this a lie of the enemy?”
The next 2 steps are found in Revelation 12:11 which says “They triumphed over him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony.” So, proclaim Jesus’ shed blood on the cross as sufficient to overcome the enemy’s plans! Also, tell others about how God has answered your prayers or displayed his power in your life in the past. This serves to remind both us and our listeners that Jesus’ power over the enemy is enough to defeat him!
Finally, Jesus tells us in Luke 10:19 that we get to take authority over the enemy in Jesus’ name! Meditate on this verse which says “I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” Do you need to start taking authority over the devil in your home? One way to do that is by commanding all evil spirits to leave your home “in the name of Jesus” and then asking God to fill your home with the Holy Spirit and surround your home with His angels.
Our men are bombarded daily with temptations to lust. They drive down the freeway and there is a billboard featuring a sexy woman. They go to work and encounter a female co-worker showing too much cleavage. It seems like there is no safe place to avoid the temptation to lust!
However, your home could be one of those safe places, especially if you choose to avoid watching TV shows that feature scantily-clad women! Personally, I would have loved to watch Dancing With The Stars over its many seasons. I so enjoy watching a dancing novice grow into a fabulous dancer in just a few weeks. But I knew that watching that show with my husband would likely cause a huge challenge for him regarding lust. So, I chose not to watch that program. The same thing is true for many other shows. We always applied the same rule of thumb to the movies we watched over the years. I checked beforehand to see if a movie featured sexual scenes or partial nudity. We didn’t watch those movies.
Are you helping your husband avoid sexual temptation through your choices of media? 1 Corinthians 10:32 says “Do not cause anyone to stumble“. Are you allowing things into your home that could cause your husband to stumble? For instance, I called Victoria’s Secret many years ago and asked them to stop sending their catalog to our home. That magazine is soft porn to men and boys! Should you make similar changes at your home?
From both personal experience and counseling wives in crisis, I can say with certainty that allowing resentment to go unchecked spells doom for a marriage! Think about it. If you are really upset with your husband about something, or really frustrated with him, or hurt by his behavior…do you respectfully discuss your feelings and concerns with him? Do you courageously deal with the issue, or do you tend to stuff it under the rug, hoping things will just magically get better?
If you’re a conflict avoider, it’s so very easy to stuff instead of confront! It FEELS safer and more peaceful to just hope that your husband changes his behavior. That way you won’t have any tense moments and you won’t get in a “fight”. Unfortunately, if you say nothing, nothing is likely to actually change. Sometimes a husband doesn’t even know what his wife is upset about! And here’s the real problem. If you don’t address your resentment, it will grow bigger and bigger and bigger until you are likely to explode months or years down the line. That resentment will have turned your heart cold and hard toward your husband, and you may end up saying those fateful words “I’m done”. Don’t let it get this far!
Your husband needs you to calmly and respectfully explain why you are upset and what you are asking him to change. He may disagree, but then you guys can talk about it. Talk it through. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you courage and the timing and the right words to bring up the concern with your husband…soon. Seek a counselor’s help if you need to. Just make sure you don’t let your resentment go unaddressed. As Hebrews 12:15 say, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Don’t let a bitter root start growing that ends up causing big trouble!
It’s happened yet again. Another wife almost blew up her marriage, and it all started with Facebook. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against Facebook. I love keeping in touch with what’s happening in the lives of my friends and family through Facebook posts. However, the devil takes warped delight in taking something good and turning it into something disastrous.
We need to be wise to his schemes to kill our marriages! Here’s what the scheme looks like: You become curious about that old boyfriend or man from your past, so you look him up on Facebook. It seems totally innocent. You’re just curious. Then you pop him a little message asking how he’s doing. He responds. You guys reminisce about shared experiences in the past. You begin bonding emotionally. Then ever so slowly and slyly, Satan starts to reel you in. Soon, you begin believing that he’s your true soul mate, and an affair is just a step away! This is happening every day across America! One recent post on a divorce website noted that 20% of all divorce petitions contain the word “Facebook”.
Don’t let this happen to you. As wives, we must be aware of Satan’s schemes and we must fight against the temptation to connect with any man on Facebook. 1 Peter 5:8-9 says, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith…” Please don’t shake off this warning. Fight against the urge to connect with men from your past on Facebook!