process

Husbands need time to process!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Have you ever noticed a blank look on your husband’s face when you suddenly bring up a heavy topic, voice a frustration, or ask him to change a behavior? Or does your husband seem to get defensive very quickly in those moments? I’m discovering that the reason for the blank look or the immediate defensiveness is because a man thinks differently than a woman!

Women process thoughts, ideas and feelings at lightning speed. We are ready to engage in a deep conversation at the drop of a hat. We can verbalize how we feel instantaneously! Men, on the other hand, need time to process their thoughts and feelings. So…..when we suddenly bring up a deep topic, or state how we feel, or ask them to make a change in behavior, or heaven forbid, ask them how they feel, our men become like the proverbial “deer in the headlights”! Often they default to the blank look on the face or they become defensive because they feel pressured to do or say something, and they haven’t yet had a chance to think things through.

Here’s what I learned to do. I learned to bring up a concern or state my feelings on an issue and then let my husband have some breathing room to process it. I learned to say “let’s talk more about this later after you’ve had a chance to think about it.” Most men need some space to process their thoughts and feelings. Maybe this is a good opportunity for us to practice patience! Ponder these two Proverbs. Proverbs 19:11 “A person’s wisdom yields patience…” Proverbs 14:29 “Whoever is patient has great understanding….”

3 essentials of grieving a loss

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I became very familiar with deep grief back in the fall of 2021.  That’s when I unexpectedly lost my amazing husband Raul to the monster of Covid.  I had never experienced that kind of gut-wrenching grief before.  It was debilitating.  In a single moment, my world tipped upside down.  I lost my daily companion, my ministry partner, and the man who worked relentlessly to make me feel cherished.  What a loss!  It took me quite a few months to get my equilibrium back, but God graciously led me out of the valley of deep grief and into a new chapter of life.  The source of your grief may be different than mine.  Perhaps you lost a parent, or maybe your marriage ended.  We will all experience grief at some point.  The question is how do we navigate through it and come out intact on the other side?  Allow me to share 3 big things I learned along my journey.

  1. Grief is handled different by everyone and there is no “right” way to grieve.  Some people will mourn for a very short time and then choose to stop dwelling on the loss and move forward.  Others will surround themselves with reminders of the loss and find comfort in remembering all the good times shared with the person they have lost.  Don’t judge someone for grieving differently than you!  No one else can truly understand your pain or your joy.  Proverbs 14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
  2. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in grief forever!  That’s unbiblical and a plan of the enemy to oppress you!  God does not intend for his children to stay stuck in perpetual grief.  He desires to heal our broken hearts and guide us back into a place of peace, and yes, even joy.  Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Ask God to reveal the new plans he has for you in this new season, and then boldly follow his promptings because you will find fulfillment and joy in doing so.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.