Dealing with messed up people!

August 14, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Aren’t “messed up” people annoying? I’m sure you have a few in your life, perhaps your husband, an in-law, a coworker or even someone at church. We shake our heads at these people, wondering why they can’t seem to get their act together. We are disgusted by their sinful choices or behavior. Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, as Christians, we can easily fall into this pattern of thinking. We start to become self-righteous and judgmental. We notice everyone else’s flaws and sin, but feel pretty good about ourselves. But this is not how Jesus acted at all while he walked on this earth. In fact, he was drawn to messed-up people!

Luke 5:29-32 Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. 30 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” 31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Perhaps it’s time for you and me to stop judging others and looking down our noses at sinners, especially people we encounter at church. In fact, if anyone we know (husband, in-law, coworker, neighbor) is actually attending church, we should be thrilled, not disgusted by their sin. The fact that anyone walks into a church or Bible study is evidence that the Holy Spirit is working in the life of that person. So instead of judging that person for failing to be perfect yet, perhaps we should encourage them and pray for them and give the Holy Spirit time to work. That is what Jesus did. Maybe we should do that too.

Forgiveness and boundaries

April 24, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

For anyone who has read the Bible’s New Testament, it’s hard to escape God’s frequent instruction for us to forgive others who have wounded or offended us in some way. A prime example is Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Yet, many women struggle with what forgiveness actually looks like if the person who hurt you continues to pose emotional, mental, or physical danger.

Please allow me to share what I’ve learned after spending time studying the Bible and also helping numerous women grapple with forgiveness. Here’s the big takeaway. You can and must forgive the other person in terms of letting justice rest in God’s hands and choosing to avoid the temptation to hope (or make) them suffer for what they did. However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean you need to be in a close relationship with that person or leave your heart wide open for further damage.

God gives a really pivotal instruction in Proverbs 4:23 where He says, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”. That’s where boundaries come in. If the person who deeply hurt you is still posing a significant danger to your emotional, mental or physical health, it’s appropriate to guard yourself by establishing a boundary in the relationship. This might mean a season of separation from that other person. This might mean keeping yourself distant until you see signs that this person may no longer be a danger to you, or that you have undergone sufficient healing from the Lord so that you are now strong enough to be around this other person.

Yes, we must forgive, but we must also be wise in terms of guarding ourselves from further harm.

** or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

7 words when others hurt you

February 21, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We’re all going to be hurt by others during the course of our lives, sometimes over and over again! The question is not “How do I avoid being hurt by others” because you can’t control other people. The real question to ask is, “How can I heal and move on with hope, peace and joy?” Over many years of helping women, and after recovering from numerous heartbreaking offenses myself, I’ve come to realize that seven words are key.
The first 3 words are: That was wrong. You need to be able to tell your story to a compassionate listener who then validates the wound by saying those precious words, “That was wrong”. Something very healing happens the moment someone else listens to your story, shows empathy for the pain you suffered, and then validates that the person who wounded you was wrong to do so. This is Biblical. 1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” You need to hear those words, “That was wrong.” So, ask God to lead you to that person who can be a compassionate listener to your story.
However, after you’ve told your story to that compassionate listener, and after a short time of grieving your pain with the Lord, you then need to move on to the other 4 words: Pivot from your pain. Far too many people get stuck in their pain and subconsciously develop a victim identity. This is NOT God’s plan for you! God doesn’t intend for you to be sidelined with grief, mired down in hopelessness, or burdened with a victim mindset. He actually instructs you to forget the past and turn forward with hopeful anticipation! Isaiah 43:18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing!”
So, after receiving empathy from that compassionate listener, stubbornly pivot from the pain and look forward. Ask God to show you the purposes He has for you this day, purposes that will bring you joy and peace. God has good plans for you! Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.