move forward

Relaunch your marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Some of you have had a rough couple of months or couple of years in your marriage.  You may have a mountain-size load of resentment toward your husband.  Perhaps your husband also holds a gigantic amount of resentment toward you.  If this is you….if you find yourself in the pit of despair regarding your marriage, I want to encourage you to blow up that marriage.  Yep.  You heard me right.  Blow up your marriage in order to start fresh and build a better one, with the same husband!

Sometimes, we just need to start over when something in our lives has gone terribly wrong.  However, our first impulse is to throw out the whole thing; to discard the thing that has brought heartache and disappointment.  But that doesn’t give God any room to work, and that attitude basically lets both your husband and you off the hook in terms of making any changes in how you do relationships.   If you toss out your existing marriage, you’ll just bring the same dysfunctional patterns into your next relationship.

So, how about completely resetting your marriage?  Listen to what God says in Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland”.  What if you were to apply those words to your marriage?  The devil wants to keep you focused on past hurts.  That way you will be forever stuck.  Don’t fall for his evil plot against you!  Starting today, stop dwelling on the past, sit down with your husband and ask him if he would be willing to start afresh, with BOTH of you putting actual daily effort into blessing the other, serving the other, speaking the other’s love language, and showing care for the other.  This attitude shift can accomplish absolutely amazing things!

How to repair fractured marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Dog-gone it.  Sometimes marriage is so hard.  Sometimes, the imperfections of our spouse end up hurting us…deeply.  Your husband may have wounded you with an anger problem.  He may have cheated on you with porn or a real-life woman.  He may have spent more time with his hobbies than he did with you and the kids, and that really hurt.  Hopefully, he’s no longer doing those things.

However, even if he has made some positive changes, the wounding can be so severe that your heart might feel a little like a cracked egg. It’s kind of like Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall and went splat!  Even if your husband repents, how can your heart be put back together again?

Here are two thoughts that may help.  First, ask God to give you the same kind of compassion for your husband that God extends to us when we mess up.  You might want to meditate on Colossians 3:12-14 which says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” 

Second, use this moment to examine your own actions and see if there is something God wants you to learn.  During some of the times in my life when I was most hurt by others, God gently showed me ways I contributed to the mess.  Have you been reacting to your husband’s behavior in disrespectful ways?  Have you avoided conflict and let resentment become toxic?  You and I probably both have some things we should learn.  Let’s commit to being humble and teachable.

Bouncing back from hardship or loss

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Almost every wife will eventually encounter a tough time in her marriage.  We’re all going to experience heartbreak and challenges in our lives in general.  The question is this.  Why are some people able to bounce back from adversity relatively quickly, and why do others seem to remain stuck?

At the risk of you hating me 🙂 …I’ll be honest and let you know that I tend to be very resilient.  After an initial period of shock and grief, I’m usually able to quickly pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward.  After pondering this ability with God, allow me to share a 3-word insight that might help you become more resilient too.

I trust God.  Period. Three little words that mean everything!  I have decided to believe what the Bible says….that God is in control and that His ways are perfect.  I have decided to believe the Bible truth that God can and will bring something good out of my hardship.  This is what we learn at the end of Joseph’s painful story in Genesis, where Joseph proclaims in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good...”   I also take heart from Romans 8:28, where God says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I can bounce back because I trust God and because He says He will never leave me nor forsake me.  Do you truly trust God?  It’s a decision you get to make, and it makes all the difference.

Moving forward after betrayal

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Betrayal in marriage can come in many different forms. Sometimes, it’s a deep emotional affair. Other times, it’s a highly inappropriate online relationship. Of course, betrayal can also mean an actual physical affair. Any way you slice it, the cut is deep to the spouse who has been betrayed. If you have been betrayed by your husband, your heart is broken and trust has been blown to smithereens by the lies and deceit that surround betrayal. It will take time for you to heal and for trust to be restored.


If your husband is unrepentant and defiantly continues on with the affair/inappropriate relationship, then you will need to consult God and godly counselors as to whether you should consider divorce or whether you should set firm boundaries and wait for God to do a mighty transforming work in your husband’s life.

However, if your husband is indeed repentant, then you have a different kind of decision to make. You will need to give yourself some time to grieve, and you will need to tell your husband what he needs to do in order to regain your trust. Those things are a given. But, at some point, you also have to make the decision to let go of the hurt and resentment and move forward in building a new and healthier marriage with your husband. You MUST choose to let go of the resentment and pain after several months of grieving. If you do not, and you keep throwing his past sin in his face, you will slowly beat down your husband to the point that he simply gives up. You will also become a sour-faced woman who no one wants to be around!


It’s easy to let your emotions guide your behavior, but that rarely ends well. Resentment and bitterness act like a poison! You must CHOOSE to let go of bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 puts it this way: “Let no bitter root grow up among you to cause trouble and defile many.” Yes, you need to allow yourself time to grieve your pain with God and some godly girlfriends, and yes, you need to tell your husband how to regain your trust. But then, you need to stop dwelling on the past! Isaiah 43:18-19: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

**or view this topic as 3 minute VIDEO BELOW