ministries

If husband is struggling with porn

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was asked recently how a woman can help her husband (or boyfriend) if he’s struggling with the temptation to view pornography.  This is such a difficult question because, ultimately, he has to be the one who does what is necessary to overcome this temptation.

However, there are 3 things that you can do:

1) Sit down with him and let him know that you want to support him and help him in any way as he wrestles against this temptation.  Then gently and lovingly ask him to share with you the things that seem to trigger the desire to view porn.  As you show compassion and understanding, he will be more likely to feel safe sharing the things that trigger him.  Then once he shares those “triggers”, you can ask what you can do to help him deal with the reasons he’s turning to porn.  You may be able to come up with ideas on how he can avoid situations that trigger him.

2) Insist that he actively pursues assistance from a 12-step group, sexual addiction treatment program, or a godly mentor with experience in this area.  He needs other people to help hold him accountable and to pray for him.  He NEEDS to have other men speak into his life and help him deal with the common temptation to lust and view pornography.  Accountability is Biblical.  James 5:16 instructs, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

3) Pray for God to break the stronghold of pornography and lust in his life!  You don’t have the power to do that, but God does!  So, lift your husband to God in prayer daily. Ask God to sever the addiction to porn. Ask God to place a desire in your husband’s heart to seek the Lord over everything else.  Ask God to show your husband the way out of temptation to view porn.  God can do these things.  Our role is to pray!

Wives need this in marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Marriage is not one continuous fairy tale.  Your husband is not perfect, and neither are you.  Therefore, you will experience times of disappointment, frustration, and even heartbreak.  The question is…what will you do during those “valley” times in your marriage?  How will you rally yourself and stay in the game?  Where can you find the motivation to fight for your marriage?

One powerful key to battling all the way through those valley times is to receive encouragement from other godly wives.  You NEED encouragement!  You NEED fellowship with other Jesus-seeking women. 

The enemy is constantly whispering discouragement to you.  He wants you to leave your husband.  He wants to destroy your family.  In John 10:10, Jesus says the enemy comes to “steal, kill and destroy“.  But we can counteract the enemy’s schemes by asking godly friends to speak truth to us.  Seek friendships with godly women who know the truth of God’s Word and who are encouragers.  Be an encourager in their lives as well. You might have to be the one to initiate this time together, but it’s worth it!  Ask a woman to coffee.  Ask another woman to be your prayer partner and make an appointment to pray weekly for each other over the phone or in person.

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”  You need encouragement to stay in the battle!  It’s worth it.  Jesus has a good plan for your marriage.  He has come that you “may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)