mean

7 words for when people hurt you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We’re all going to be hurt by others during the course of our lives, sometimes over and over again!  The question is not “How do I avoid being hurt by others”, because you can’t control other people.  The real question to ask is, “How can I heal and move on with hope, peace and joy?”  Over many years of helping women, and after recovering from numerous heartbreaking offenses myself, I’ve come to realize that seven words are key.

The first 3 words are: That was wrong.  You need to be able to tell your story to a compassionate listener who then validates the wound by saying those precious words, “That was wrong”.  Something very healing happens the moment someone else listens to your story, shows empathy for the pain you suffered, and then validates that the person who wounded you was wrong to do so.  This is Biblical.   1 Peter 3:8  “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”  You need to hear those words, “That was wrong.”  So, ask God to lead you to that person who can be a compassionate listener to your story.

However, after you’ve told your story to that compassionate listener, and after a short time of grieving your pain with the Lord, you then need to move on to the other 4 words:  Pivot from your pain.  Far too many people get stuck in their pain and subconsciously develop a victim identity.  This is NOT God’s plan for you!  God doesn’t intend for you to be sidelined with grief, mired down in hopelessness, or burdened with a victim mindset.  He actually instructs you to forget the past and turn forward with hopeful anticipation!  Isaiah 43:18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing!” 

So, after receiving empathy from that compassionate listener, stubbornly pivot from the pain and look forward.  Ask God to show you the purposes He has for you this day, purposes that will bring you joy and peace.  God has good plans for you!  Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Handling your temper or harsh words

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Some women bottle up their frustrations in marriage and in life in general.  These women are uncomfortable working through conflict and try to ignore the problem, defaulting to a cold war or silent treatment.  However, some women find themselves at the other extreme.  When they get irritated or frustrated with their husband, they let him have it!  They often speak critical, bitter words to their men, and those words cut their men deeply.  The wound is especially deep because a man is wired to crave respect.  That’s why the Bible instructs wives in Ephesians 5:33 “The wife must respect her husband“.

So, what can you do if you’ve tried to stop spewing mean, harsh, bitter words, and your attempts seem to fail most of the time?  Well, the Bible gives us a big clue on what you need to do.  Luke 6:45 says “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”   The cure for a quick temper or critical tongue is to pray for God to change your heart!  Ask God to fill your heart with love and compassion and patience for your husband.  Pray this daily. 

P.S.  In addition to praying for a heart of love, make sure you don’t have major unaddressed issues with your husband.  If you hang onto resentment over unresolved conflict, that’s like covering a skillet of oil with a tight lid, setting it to simmer, and then walking away expecting it to stay at a calm simmer.  Without a vent, it will eventually explode, splattering the scalding oil everywhere!   If you have unresolved conflict with your man, decide to respectfully and gently confront these issues so your simmering heart doesn’t explode through your mouth!