love

3 ways to fall back in love!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

It’s so easy for a married couple to become more like roommates than lovers!  Once the excitement of the wedding and honeymoon fade away, the everyday stresses like finances, children, housework, etc. can start to suck that warm and fuzzy feeling right out of your marriage!  Well, here are 3 things that will help to rekindle that loving feeling:

1)  Start to do the things you used to do when you were dating.  In the Bible’s book of Revelation, chapter 2, the church in Ephesus received this rebuke, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.”   That church needed to get back to doing the things that kept them in close fellowship with Christ, and we need to do the same things in our marriage.  Did you go to the movies?  Did you go out to dinner once a week? Did you go snowboarding in the winter or hiking in the summer?  Then, carve out some time to have that kind of fun with your husband now! 

2)  Kiss your husband with passion (like you used to)!  Seriously.  Give it a try and see if some sparks start to fly.

3)  List at least 7 good things about your husband.  Philippians 4:8 says “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”     So, think of as many positive things about your husband as you can.  Write them down.  Look at that list every day.  As you do so, your heart will become warmer toward him.

Invite 3rd party into your marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

One of my super humbling moments as a newly divorced woman actually reminds me of a vital marriage principle.  Here’s the event forever etched in my memory from December of 2002:

It was nearing Christmas and I had just gone through a divorce after 18 years of marriage.  My children were 16 and 14 at the time and I wanted to keep as many Christmas traditions in place as possible, so I announced that I was taking the kids to cut down our Christmas tree from a local tree farm.  Just before we took off, I realized I didn’t have any way to tie the tree to the top of my SUV.  But hey, I’m a reasonably intelligent person, or so I thought. lol  I wasn’t going to let anything deter me!

So I searched my new house for something resembling rope or a bungee cord.  Alas, there was no such thing on hand.  All I had was some….sewing thread. Hmmm. Well, maybe a whole bunch of thread would work?

Off we went to pick out our beautiful Christmas tree.  My son cut it down.  Unlike me, he apparently knew how to handle this part of the operation.  We hoisted the tree to the top of my SUV and then I carefully wove my spool of thread back and forth across the tree to secure it to the roof.  My kids just shook their heads in disbelief.  Then we took off, and we actually made it about a half-mile before the tree took a slow, inelegant slide from the top of the car to the road. Splat!

Why am I sharing this story with you?  I’m using it to remind both you and me that a tiny thread is not sufficient to hold anything heavy when the wind starts blowing against it.  In the same way, we need a super strong rope to hold a marriage together when we are slammed by the wind of miscommunication, frustration, and unmet expectations in marriage. We need a rope of three strands…you, your husband and the Lord.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Sit down with your husband and brainstorm ideas on how you can keep God in the center of your marriage. You will need Him to help hold you guys together when you encounter the inevitable adversity and challenges that hit every marriage! Invite a third party into your marriage…the Holy Spirit!

Understanding your guy’s wiring

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I know the Declaration of Independence says “all men are created equal”, and it is true that all humans are equally important.  However, I have learned that not all men are exactly the same!

In my marriage to my late husband Raul, God had me launch a ministry that focused quite a bit on providing Bible guidance for wives.  In the process, I began pressing into my role as my husband’s “helper” as referenced in Genesis 2:18.  I realized that in order to be a help and blessing to him, I really needed to figure out what actually made him tick and what he needed from me.  After studying him and asking him questions along this line, I discovered that he REALLY needed verbal affirmation from me and he desperately desired my respect.  When I helped him by doing those things, he began to flourish even more.  He became a better version of himself, and he often told me how much my affirmation and respect meant to him.

Fast forward following my husband’s untimely death, the Lord saw fit to bring a widower into my life and we actually got married in 2023!  I, of course, thought that I had my role as a wife and helper all figured out for this new husband.  Wrong!  I’m learning that the things that my late husband needed and wanted from me are not at all the same as what my new husband desires.  They are different men. Duh! 

This brought to mind Philippians 2:3-4, which says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Are you looking to your husband’s interests?  Don’t make the same mistake I did, thinking that all husbands basically want the same things from their wife.  Each man is a little different.  This means we need to be a student of our husbands.  Study what makes your husband tick, what lights him up, what seems to be meaningful to him, what actions or words appear to be a blessing to him.  Then do those things!  Your husband will so appreciate you. 😊

Relaunch your marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Some of you have had a rough couple of months or couple of years in your marriage.  You may have a mountain-size load of resentment toward your husband.  Perhaps your husband also holds a gigantic amount of resentment toward you.  If this is you….if you find yourself in the pit of despair regarding your marriage, I want to encourage you to blow up that marriage.  Yep.  You heard me right.  Blow up your marriage in order to start fresh and build a better one, with the same husband!

Sometimes, we just need to start over when something in our lives has gone terribly wrong.  However, our first impulse is to throw out the whole thing; to discard the thing that has brought heartache and disappointment.  But that doesn’t give God any room to work, and that attitude basically lets both your husband and you off the hook in terms of making any changes in how you do relationships.   If you toss out your existing marriage, you’ll just bring the same dysfunctional patterns into your next relationship.

So, how about completely resetting your marriage?  Listen to what God says in Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland”.  What if you were to apply those words to your marriage?  The devil wants to keep you focused on past hurts.  That way you will be forever stuck.  Don’t fall for his evil plot against you!  Starting today, stop dwelling on the past, sit down with your husband and ask him if he would be willing to start afresh, with BOTH of you putting actual daily effort into blessing the other, serving the other, speaking the other’s love language, and showing care for the other.  This attitude shift can accomplish absolutely amazing things!

Learning to truly love God

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Many Christians are familiar with the verses in Matthew 22:37-38 where Jesus is asked about the greatest commandment.   Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. 

Well, I’ve been asked lately about how to develop this actual love for God.  You see, it’s very difficult to truly love someone you’ve never experienced.  You and I must experience the Lord’s power and love for ourselves in order to truly fall in love with Him.  Otherwise, we have head knowledge from the Bible, but no heart knowledge!

Looking back at my own journey with Christ, I realized that I’ve grown to truly love Him as I earnestly sought His help through prayer and then saw Him answer those prayers in loving and powerful ways. I experienced God!

 So, I urge you to begin seeking the Lord with your whole heart.  Come to Him with your deepest needs, but make sure you’ve done your best to obey Him first.  After all, God says in James 5:16 that the “prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective”.  So, in other words, God powerfully responds to the person who truly seeks to obey His commands and follow His promptings.  After you’ve done all you can do to obey the Lord, pray earnestly for His help.  When He shows up, take notice!  God just connected with you and allowed you to experience His love, power and help!  Now, you have heart knowledge of the Lord!  Now you see how amazing God truly is and you start to really fall in love with Him!

Love language mistakes

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Many of you are probably familiar with the 5 love languages as explained by Christian counselor and author Gary Chapman, but I’m pretty sure that many of us are making some mistakes when trying to use the “love languages”.

Before I go any further, let me explain the theory of the love languages and give a brief description of each one.  The idea is that every person has one or two prominent ways that they receive the message they are loved by the other person in the relationship.  Also, if the other person fails to communicate in your dominant “love language”, you may feel unloved. The 5 love languages are:  word of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and gifts.

Here’s where a lot of us make a mistake.  We tend to try to communicate love to the other person in the love language that we prefer….the particular way that makes us feel loved….even though that may not be the other person’s love language at all!  It’s a natural tendency to want to give love in the way that seems meaningful to you.  However, it may not mean much of anything to that other person if that’s not their primary love language!   The Bible tells us in Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another in love.  But that doesn’t mean devote yourself to showing love in the way YOU want to receive it!

I had that light bolt realization the other day.  I was feeling kind of frustrated because my attempts to show love to my husband seemed to fall flat, to go unnoticed, and to be totally unappreciated.  What?  Then I stepped back and realized I was trying to show love in my love language, not his!  Duh!  I also realized that I was expending a lot of energy trying to communicate love in a way that really wasn’t important to him.  Have you been doing the same thing?  Maybe it’s time to talk with the other person about which love language is most meaningful to him and then start actually speaking that particular love language instead of your own!  It will save you time, energy, and frustration, and it will bring the message of love to him!

Perspective can change your marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’ve noticed something really interesting as I’ve interacted with hundreds of wives over the years.   The women who typically have the strongest, longest-lasting marriages are the women who CHOOSE to focus on what is right with their husbands instead of what is wrong.  These women also seem to have the most joy and contentment.  Wow.  Wouldn’t we all like that?!

Obviously, if your husband has a pattern of sinning against you, Jesus instructs you to lovingly but firmly confront him and request changes.  If your husband doesn’t repent, you’ll want to bring others into the situation to put loving pressure on him to change.  If he stubbornly refuses to stop the pattern of sin, God may instruct you to even separate from him until he shows a willingness to change.  By the way, all these instructions are found in Matthew 18:15-17.

However, my main point is this.  Often, our husbands aren’t actually engaging in a pattern of destructive sin against us. They’re just annoying us, or disappointing us, or failing to make us feel loved in the way we want them to!  At that point, we get to choose our perspective.  We can either dwell on the way our husbands disappoint and frustrate us, or we can focus on their good qualities.  Philippians 4:8 comes to mind.  I also find Proverbs 19:11 to be instructive.  Here it is in the Amplified translation:  “Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment].”

Focusing on what is “right” with your husband will not only bless him and bring strength to your marriage, but it will also bring peace, joy and contentment to your own heart.  It’s a triple win!

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

What men need to feel loved

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You’ve probably heard of the “Five Love Languages”. It’s something Christian author and psychologist Gary Chapman figured out about how people are wired in terms of receiving love. The love languages are: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. Well, here’s something I’ve learned after talking with many wives whose husbands have completed the love language assessment. Almost all men have “physical touch” as one of their top 2 love languages.

Ladies, this means your husband craves not just sex, but little signs of physical affection throughout the day. When you do these small things, he feels loved by you. So, why wouldn’t you give him the physical affection that you know would bless him? By purposely withholding what he needs to feel loved, could it be that we’re actually sinning? Listen to what God says in James 4:17: “If anyone knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” Oh my.

Here are several ideas on how you can communicate love through physical touch. Reach out to hold his hand as you walk through the store. Give him a 20 second neck and shoulder rub as you’re walking by. Pinch his tush as he walks through the kitchen. Lean over his shoulder while he’s on the computer and give him a kiss. Rest your hand on his leg while you’re sitting together on the couch watching TV. Run your fingers through his hair. These small acts of physical touch are totally easy and yet they mean so much to most husbands. Try it!

If want husband to pursue you again

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

There’s something inside of most every woman that instinctively desires to be pursued by a man. That desire starts very early and, for many women, culminates with a wedding proposal! Typically, this is one of the most amazing and thrilling moments of a woman’s life! Unfortunately, for many women, their husband stops pursuing their heart a few months or years into the marriage. However, that desire to be pursued does not go away! What is a wife to do?


I’ve found that one of the things that keeps my husband’s heart drawn toward me is something so very simple….flirting with him! You might be rolling your eyes right now, but have you tried flirting with your husband recently? It is very powerful! Try winking at him, or being playfully sassy with him, or pinching his tush, or giving him an unexpected passionate kiss and then walking away. You may be very surprised at the results! Likely, he will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. He will pursue you! The added bonus is that your flirty, sassy, playfulness will have him thinking about you the next day at work. Hah! Just what your heart desired!


If you need a little Biblical inspiration for flirting, try reading the short book in the Bible called Song of Songs. The bride has a master’s degree in flirting!! Here are just the first few sentences of that book as the bride begins speaking. Songs of Songs 1:2-4 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the young women love you! Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Need to feel God’s comfort?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We all inevitably go through stretches in our marriages (or with kids, finances, health, etc!) that are pretty rough on our hearts. Yes, we can persevere, pray, and trust in God during those times, and all those things are super important. But sometimes, we just plain need comfort. We need to sit in the lap of our heavenly father and have Him hold us tight.

Here is what I have discovered. Reading the Psalms slowly and out loud is like a warm embrace from my heavenly Father. As those words roll off my lips, I can almost feel His love and compassion flow over me. I sense the tenderness of His heart toward me. I gain hope once again.

Try it for yourself. I would suggest some of these Psalms: Psalm 103, Psalm 91, Psalm 34, and Psalm 37. God longs to comfort you. He loves you. As Psalm 103 says, “Our Father is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love.”