lost

Are you disappearing in the marriage?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I often talk and write about how wives were created to be their husband’s helper, and while that’s true, I feel it’s necessary to make a clarification. Yes, a wife should help her husband by showing him respect, allowing him to lead the family, and assisting him as he seeks to follow God’s promptings in his life. However, that doesn’t mean a wife should give up her own individual identity in the process.

Submitting to your husband’s leadership does not mean that you become a doormat which has no value. Helping your husband does not mean you sacrifice doing the things that bring you great joy. Respecting your husband doesn’t mean he’s always right and you’re always wrong. If you go too far in that direction, you will become an empty shell. It’s as if your heart doesn’t matter. God doesn’t intend that for you. In fact, He says in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.”

Spend some time in prayer with God and ask Him to reveal if there are any areas of your life where you have lost your true identity. Have you stopped doing some things that bring you fully alive? Is it time to sit down with your husband and talk about how you can both live in a way that brings joy and fulfillment? Don’t allow yourself to disappear in the relationship.

Have you lost that loving feeling?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Have you lost that “in love” feeling with your husband? Are you feeling like there should be more in your relationship? There could be some major problems in your marriage that need to be addressed. However, it could be that you’ve fallen prey to the notion that your relationship with your husband should resemble the thrill of new romance portrayed in chick flicks and romance novels.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love watching a good romantic movie like The Proposal with Sandra Bullock. I have enjoyed reading Christian romance novels. However…you and I have to be so careful that we don’t start subconsciously thinking our marriages should have that constant thrill of new romance. That’s unrealistic. There is no way we’re going to be “twitterpated” (like Thumper in the Bambi movie) all the time! Also, our husbands couldn’t possibly be as breathtaking as the men portrayed in the romantic comedies or as perfect as the men in the Christian romance novels! It’s all a beautiful delusion from the enemy who wants to destroy your marriage. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 11:14 “Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light”

And here’s one more caution. Did you realize that many romantic comedies actually promote a woman leaving the man she’s with to find the “true soul mate” awaiting her? Yikes! We get so involved with the romance story that we don’t even notice this is the case! Think of Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With The Wind. She pines away for the man who’s already married to someone else. In Sleepless In Seattle, Meg Ryan’s character is engaged but feels there must be someone better out there. The list goes on and on. So, let’s be careful to avoid unrealistic expectations of our men and our marriages.