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Are you intoxicating to your hubby?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

My question for you today has to do with the way you kiss your husband!!  Do you kiss him in a way that communicates to him that he is wanted and desired?  If so, you are a wise woman who is breathing life into her marriage.  On the other hand, do you kiss your husband reluctantly or in a passionless way?  If so, you could be contributing to the slow death of your marriage.

Your husband needs to feel desired by you.  He wants to be your sexual hero.  Your response to his kisses tells your man a lot.  When you press into the kiss with passion, he feels wanted and becomes a more confident man.  The bride in the Song of Songs understood this.  She made sure her groom knew how much she loved his kisses.  In Song of Songs 1:2 she says “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is more delightful than wine.”

So, this week I challenge you to kiss your husband deeply, as in more than one second!!  Press into the kiss with passion.  Not only will this be a blessing to him, but I bet you will reap some benefits as well.  As he revels in your love, he will likely be more attentive toward you. 🙂   In fact, you might want to intoxicate him with your love, as the Bible mentions in Proverbs 5:18-19.  A husband who is intoxicated with his wife does not stray!

5 keys for a great marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

One thing I’ve learned over my many years is that a great marriage doesn’t just magically happen.  Being “in love” when you exchange vows on your wedding day isn’t going to be enough.  You must be intentional.  Please allow me to share 5 simple but profound keys to building a strong, lasting, healthy marriage.  Conveniently, God gave me this acrostic to help both you and I remember these 5 keys!  Together, the letters spell G-R-E-A-T, as in a great marriage!

G:  stands for God, as in making sure that God is your number one relationship instead of trying to get your husband to meet all your emotional needs and expecting him to be your source of happiness.  (Matthew 22:36-37)

R: stands for resentment, as in making sure that you address resentment quickly so that it can’t choke the life out of your marriage.  (Hebrews 12:15)

E:  stands for effort, as in being diligent to speak your husband’s love language, pay attention to him, create fun moments with him, do small things he appreciates, and build a vibrant sex life with him!  (Proverbs 13:4)

A: stands for ask God to show you how YOU need to change, grow, and eliminate old unhealthy patterns in your own life such as conflict avoidance or having a critical tongue.  (Colossians 3:5-10)

T:  stands for treasure, as in purposely reminding yourself of the good qualities you can treasure in your husband instead of allowing yourself to dwell on his imperfections.  (Philippians 4:8)

Invite 3rd party into your marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

One of my super humbling moments as a newly divorced woman actually reminds me of a vital marriage principle.  Here’s the event forever etched in my memory from December of 2002:

It was nearing Christmas and I had just gone through a divorce after 18 years of marriage.  My children were 16 and 14 at the time and I wanted to keep as many Christmas traditions in place as possible, so I announced that I was taking the kids to cut down our Christmas tree from a local tree farm.  Just before we took off, I realized I didn’t have any way to tie the tree to the top of my SUV.  But hey, I’m a reasonably intelligent person, or so I thought. lol  I wasn’t going to let anything deter me!

So I searched my new house for something resembling rope or a bungee cord.  Alas, there was no such thing on hand.  All I had was some….sewing thread. Hmmm. Well, maybe a whole bunch of thread would work?

Off we went to pick out our beautiful Christmas tree.  My son cut it down.  Unlike me, he apparently knew how to handle this part of the operation.  We hoisted the tree to the top of my SUV and then I carefully wove my spool of thread back and forth across the tree to secure it to the roof.  My kids just shook their heads in disbelief.  Then we took off, and we actually made it about a half-mile before the tree took a slow, inelegant slide from the top of the car to the road. Splat!

Why am I sharing this story with you?  I’m using it to remind both you and me that a tiny thread is not sufficient to hold anything heavy when the wind starts blowing against it.  In the same way, we need a super strong rope to hold a marriage together when we are slammed by the wind of miscommunication, frustration, and unmet expectations in marriage. We need a rope of three strands…you, your husband and the Lord.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Sit down with your husband and brainstorm ideas on how you can keep God in the center of your marriage. You will need Him to help hold you guys together when you encounter the inevitable adversity and challenges that hit every marriage! Invite a third party into your marriage…the Holy Spirit!

How to draw husband’s heart

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

As a wife, you want your husband to cherish you and be drawn to you.  The question is: once you get married and the intoxication of new love wears off, how do you keep your man drawn to you?  Of course, you want to do what you can to stay attractive, and you likely know a robust sex life with him is super important, but here are 2 other simple things that will tend to draw your husband to you.

1)  Listen intently to him when he talks, especially when he talks about his hopes, his dreams, his plans, and the things he loves to do.  If you engage him in conversation about his dreams and passions in life, he will feel understood, accepted, and valued for who he is at his core. Valuing his hopes and dreams is a sign of respect, and Ephesians 5:33 says, “The wife must respect her husband.” This doesn’t mean that you necessarily agree with some of his more far-fetched dreams, but you can certainly explore with him why that specific dream or passion is exciting to him.  Perhaps you can even brainstorm ways to satisfy those longings in practical ways.

2)  Make plans for fun outings together and then make time in your schedule to have fun with him!  You used to do this when you were dating, and you need to keep connecting with him through fun activities and hobbies during your marriage.  Golf together.  Try doing a workout video together.  Start a pillow fight.  Watch funny movies.  Take a hike.  Go sledding in the winter and kayaking in the summer.  Invite a fun couple to your house once a month to play table games.  Your husband will bond with you and be drawn to you when you have fun together.

If want husband to pursue you again

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

There’s something inside of most every woman that instinctively desires to be pursued by a man. That desire starts very early and, for many women, culminates with a wedding proposal! Typically, this is one of the most amazing and thrilling moments of a woman’s life! Unfortunately, for many women, their husband stops pursuing their heart a few months or years into the marriage. However, that desire to be pursued does not go away! What is a wife to do?


I’ve found that one of the things that keeps my husband’s heart drawn toward me is something so very simple….flirting with him! You might be rolling your eyes right now, but have you tried flirting with your husband recently? It is very powerful! Try winking at him, or being playfully sassy with him, or pinching his tush, or giving him an unexpected passionate kiss and then walking away. You may be very surprised at the results! Likely, he will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. He will pursue you! The added bonus is that your flirty, sassy, playfulness will have him thinking about you the next day at work. Hah! Just what your heart desired!


If you need a little Biblical inspiration for flirting, try reading the short book in the Bible called Song of Songs. The bride has a master’s degree in flirting!! Here are just the first few sentences of that book as the bride begins speaking. Songs of Songs 1:2-4 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the young women love you! Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Easy way to keep hubby attracted

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Won’t your husband be surprised when you….flirt with him?! It will be a pleasant surprise, I’m sure! C’mon ladies. Why do we greet our children, our dog, our cat, or our gerbil with more excitement than we greet our husband? Why are we more concerned with getting our girlfriends to really like us than our own husbands? Did we even notice the slow and subtle decline of affection and flirtation in our marriage?

Let’s start revving up the romance and excitement of our marriages once again. Maybe we should take a clue from the bride in the Bible’s Song of Songs. For instance, in chapter 7, she flirts with her man and tells him what she has planned for him sexually! “Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded….there will I give you my love.”

Start flirting with your husband, and do it at least once every day. It could be a pinch on his tush, or a playful lifting of your shoulder, or a sassy smile that says I’m looking forward to being intimate with you later, or even a wink at him across the lobby at church. The simple act of flirting with your husband on a regular basis will help to rekindle romance, excitement, and his interest in you! What do you have to lose?

Learn how to sparkle as a wife!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) 1 Comment

Proverbs 12:4 says “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Hmmm. Which kind of wife are you? Which kind of wife have I been?

A crown sparkles and reflects light in a beautiful way. Are you a lovely reflection for your husband in all you say and do? Think about it. The way you pray for your husband, the way you encourage him and help him, the way you take care of his home, the way you conduct yourself in public, even the way you respectfully confront any wrong behavior…all these things become like a crown to him. A crown is seen by others and causes others to treat that person with respect, honor, and admiration.

In contrast, a wife who demeans her husband, complains about her husband, doesn’t take care of herself or her home, enables sinful behavior by refusing to confront, and withholds physical affection….she becomes like rot in his bones. A person with rotten bones becomes stooped over and can’t carry his load anymore. He is crippled.

Let’s be the kind of wives who don’t cripple our men, but who so esteem them and help them that they become even mightier men of God. Then we will indeed become beautiful crowns! 🙂

Make sure he’s thinking of you!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Yes, there are a lot of temptations facing your husband every day. He will likely see beautiful women, either at work, at the espresso stand, or at the sandwich shop on any given day. If you have cable TV, Hulu, or Netflix, he will certainly view gorgeous women there. There’s just no getting around it. But there’s one thing he won’t regularly encounter with those women. They’re not waiting at home for him with a passionate kiss at the end of his exhausting day!

The way to ensure your husband is thinking about you during his day is to take a moment before he leaves for work and whisper into his ear some of the “plans” you have for him that evening! The bride in the Bible’s Song of Songs models this for us! Here is just one excerpt of the arousing words she spoke to her groom in anticipation of them coming together intimately… “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits” (Song of Songs 4:10)

So, what erotic thing could you whisper to your husband as he heads off to work? You might say something like this: “I’m getting a sitter for the kids tonight and I’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen, wearing an apron and nothing else.” Be creative. Of course, you can’t do this every day. However, if you do it every few weeks, he’ll be dreaming of the next time you have a pleasant surprise waiting for him. He will be thinking of you!

Or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

Is your husband glad to see you?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Who does your husband encounter when he walks through the door at the end of the day? Is he happy to be greeted by a warm, gentle, loving wife…or does he encounter a “drip”? Who wants to be considered a “drip”? That’s not very flattering! However, the Bible assigns that label to a wife who is always complaining and criticizing and arguing. Proverbs 27:15 says “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.” Uh-oh. Could that label belong to you?

I’m not saying that you should sweep any sinful behavior by your husband under the rug. So don’t get the wrong impression that you must never confront immoral or destructive behavior in your marriage. If your husband is engaged in a pattern of actual sin against you, follow the instructions of Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17 and seek godly counsel. What I am saying is that we need to be careful that we don’t become a constant critic of our husband! No man wants to come home to that.

Did you know that anonymous surveys of men reveal that most guys are actually very insecure and fear failure most every day? What they need from their wives is encouragement, not complaints and criticism. Make a commitment to find something good about your husband every day this week and then tell him how much you appreciate those good qualities. Use a gentle and loving voice when you talk with him. He will actually enjoy being around you! Let’s be an “anti-drip”!!

3 things keep husband attracted

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I have 3 simple but powerful tips that, if applied, are almost guaranteed to keep your husband attracted to you!

  1. Flirt with your husband on a regular basis, like you used to when you were dating!  Sometimes we get so busy with life and kids and jobs, that we forget to continue stoking the fire with our husbands.  Don’t let that happen to your marriage.  Decide to be playful and flirty with your husband several times a week.  Better yet, do this daily.  Wink at him across the room, pinch his tush as he passes by you in the kitchen, be playful and charmingly sassy as you talk with him.  He will almost certainly be drawn to you!
  2. Carry yourself with humble confidence. Did you know most men are attracted to confident women?  They are, as long as the woman doesn’t have a self-righteous, better-than-you attitude.  So how do you overcome insecurity and develop confidence?  For me, it means spending time in God’s Word reading how much He loves me and cares for me.  How do you develop humility?  For me, it means intentionally reminding myself every day that I am also an imperfect person, just like every other human being, including my husband.
  3. Choose to encourage your husband every single day.  I know this might seem ridiculous to some of you who are struggling with major issues in your marriage, but your husband needs to feel you are actually FOR him.  This doesn’t mean you should overlook any habitual sin of your husband, but it does mean that you at least balance serious discussions about his need to change with compliments on the things he is doing right…or the good qualities you see in him.  He needs you to be his chief encourager.  That will keep his heart drawn to you.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW