We all go through challenging days…whether in your marriage, with your kids, with finances, at your job, etc. It’s at those times; we tend to feel so alone. We desperately need to know that God notices our distress. We need to know that He is with us and that He cares.
Well, despite what Satan is whispering in your ear…that nobody cares…that you’re all alone…that your broken heart will never get better…the Bible tells a different story! I find so much comfort in these verses:
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18)
Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)
You are the God who sees me (Genesis 16:13)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3)
Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion. Psalm 103:2-4
Do you feel stuck in some area of your life? Perhaps you feel stuck in dysfunctional patterns, or stuck in paralyzing insecurity, or stuck in resentment, or stuck in grief. Maybe you just can’t get past trauma you experienced years ago. You want to move forward and gain hope, but you just don’t know how to get there.
I’ve been there! I experienced years of sexual abuse and trauma as a child. I know the heartbreak of divorce after 18 years of marriage. I know the grief of losing a much-loved second husband to covid. I understand staying stuck in dysfunctional patterns and insecurity. However, I’m no longer stuck there. God has set me free!
My freedom began as God continued to whisper the word “pivot” to my soul. Every time I would revisit painful memories and insecurities, I would hear God gently nudging me to leave the past behind and move forward with hope as I held tightly to His hand. He walked me out of darkness and into light every single time. All praise to our loving Savior! A key verse God highlighted for me is Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”
I long to share what God taught me so that you can also break free. That’s why I just published my first book called “Pivot”. I urge you to check it out. You can find it on Amazon by simply typing “Debbie Chavez” into the search. This is not some kind of get-rich scheme. 50% of the proceeds will go directly to the Squadron of Sisters ministry. I simply long for you to gain the same freedom, hope and joy that God has given me. Amen!
If you’ve spent plenty of time reading the New Testament (or if you’ve read many of my devotionals), you probably already know that the Bible has a very clear instruction to wives about respect. God’s instruction is very concise and to the point in Ephesians 5:33. God simply says, “the wife must respect her husband”.
However, two concerns often arise when a wife thinks about this instruction. First, many wives shrug off this command because they don’t feel respect for their husband. But the Bible verse says nothing about waiting to “feel” respect. It simply tells wives to carry out the action verb of respect! In other words, a wife can choose to act respectfully toward her husband, and she can do this even if she’s establishing a boundary on sinful behavior.
The second concern that arises from this instruction is how to show respect to your husband. We aren’t men, so we don’t know what comes across as respectful versus disrespectful. I’ve learned that many things communicate respect to a man, but let me share just one easy thing you can do. Ask your husband’s advice on something and then actually follow his advice! It’s so simple, yet so powerful!
I did this the other day. I was trying to craft a text to a relative regarding something rather sensitive and I wanted to be diplomatic. Then I remembered to ask my husband for advice, and he actually provided a good insight! In addition to that, I know he felt respected. When you ask for your husband’s advice, you’re basically communicating that you think he has a brain and has something valuable to offer. That makes him feel esteemed and respected. Try it.
It’s inevitable. You will eventually hit some rough patches in your marriage, and in your life in general. So how do you hang on and press through those storms? If your husband is caught in a pattern of sin against you, you will need to respectfully confront the problem. If you guys just plain disagree on how to handle something, you’ll have to work for a compromise. But when the situation in your marriage seems hopeless, or when a challenge in life feels insurmountable, that’s when we have to learn to persevere.
One huge key for me in terms of perseverance is reflecting on the many times in the past that God has answered my cries for help. When I look back and take an inventory of the miracles he’s performed in my life and the times when he clearly orchestrated events…then my faith is increased. As my faith increases, I can more easily persevere through the current crisis. By recalling the past deeds of God in my life, I find peace knowing that He was in control then and He’s still in control now. This is the counsel given to us in Psalm 77:11-12 “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
One of the best ways to remember the past deeds of the Lord is to write down “God-sightings” in a journal. I have a journal filled with little notes about answered prayers or “God-wink” moments where I can see that God orchestrated something amazing in my life. I re-read these entries several times a year, and my faith is increased once again. As my faith in God builds, I can persevere more easily during my current trial. Do you have a “God-sighting” journal?
Virtually every woman wrestles with the persistent and often debilitating problem called insecurity. It can start so early in life as a 5 or 6 year old girl hears the neighbor girl described as beautiful, while nothing at all is said about her. It can develop when other kids easily bring home straight A’s in middle school, but you struggle to maintain a B average. It can suck the life out of you when no one asks you to the sophomore dance or senior prom, and you start telling yourself that you’re ugly and no one wants you.
What I’ve learned over the years is that the enemy is often the one whispering discouragement and ugly lies into our minds, and we end up quietly repeating those lies over and over again until we sink into a pit of despair! Enough of that!
We can begin to defeat the demon of insecurity when we start coaching our souls with the truth. The truth is found in the Bible and what God says about us. Did you know in Romans 9:25, God says “Her who was not beloved, I will call beloved”? Wow! That rocks my boat! How about you? God says you are his beloved. That word is a healing balm to my wounded heart. That word “beloved” means God cherishes me and dearly loves me. Yes!! I needed to hear that.
God also tells us in Hebrews 13:5 that “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. That means that no matter what crazy or oppressive circumstance I’m in, God will never leave my side. He is with me through all struggles and trials. Yes! I needed to hear that too!
Don’t listen to the voice of the enemy, and for heaven’s sake, don’t repeat his lies! Start coaching your soul with truth from God’s Word. That’s when you’ll triumph over the devil’s plans to oppress you and begin to truly flourish as a woman of confidence!
The other day, a relative said some things about a person I love that I really found hurtful. My first instinct was to emotionally withdraw from that person…but that’s a dysfunctional behavior I’m trying to end. So, I started to tell that person what I really thought about their comments! Thank God, the Holy Spirit gently stopped me.
You see, sometimes God wants us to confront someone who is sinning against us or doing something wrong. But other times, God wants us to step back and allow His Holy Spirit to do the convicting in that other person’s heart, especially if that person is a believer. In John 16:7-8, Jesus tells his disciples, “I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment” Jesus was talking about the Holy Spirit, and he explained that one of the Spirit’s jobs is to convict people of sin.
What I’m learning is that I need to pause and consult God when someone is doing something that wounds me or bothers me. I need to ask God for direction. Does God want me to respectfully and lovingly confront that person, or does God want me to step back and allow His Holy Spirit to do the confronting.
Back to my story. When God stopped me from laying into my relative the other day and I decided to leave the “confrontation” up to the Holy Spirit…that relative actually came to me and apologized within a few hours. Today’s question for you: Do you pause long enough to get guidance from God before reacting?
About 25 years ago, I heard a line in a sermon that will always stick with me. The pastor said we all have a “signature sin”…a sin that has our name written all over it! Do you have a signature sin or temptation? Is there one particular thing that trips you up all the time? Yes, that’s what I thought. And I’m sure Satan laughs his butt off every time you and I give into that temptation.
Well, we all might have a signature sin or a specific temptation that seems insurmountable, but Satan doesn’t get the last laugh! Jesus promises to provide a way out of every temptation. I just need to ask Him to give me eyes to see the avenue of escape and for Him to give me the strength to turn from my old patterns and take that escape exit. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says “…God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
I’ve learned that the first step in overcoming that signature sin in my life is this: discovering the lie I’ve believed! For me, the “way out” of temptation to eat the wrong food is uncovering the ridiculous lie I’ve believed about food. God is showing me that I have somehow been deluded into thinking that eating a boatload of sugary treats and a ton of french fries would make me feel better! That’s a lie. The truth is that eating healthy will make me feel better, so that’s what I’ve been choosing to do for the last 9 years. And you know what? I feel great…physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Do you keep repeatedly falling into the same temptation because you’ve believed a lie? It’s food for thought (pardon the pun!).
Recently, I was reminded yet again that God loves it when his kids come to him with a request that is in line with his will. He loves responding with his mighty power and loving kindness when his children cry out to him in prayer!
My latest example has to do with a loved one who was in desperate need of some circumstances to change. It seemed impossible, and trying to overcome gigantic obstacles had become absolutely exhausting. I told this loved one that I would pray for them. And I did. In this particular instance, as I paused and asked God how He wanted to work in this difficult situation, I sensed a nudge from him that I was supposed to tell my loved one that they were to bring every single challenge and obstacle directly to him in prayer, instead of getting frustrated or exhausted by trying to solve it on their own. Furthermore, I sensed God telling me to relay to this loved one that as they brought the concerns to God in prayer, they would behold him working miracles on their behalf.
Honestly, this was a giant step of faith for me to relay this. I was basically telling them that God was going to come through! And, of course, the human part of me began thinking, “um, what if God doesn’t come through? Then what will happen to this person’s fledging faith in God?” But I decided to obey God’s prompting, and God came through! Within hours of this loved one praying for God to overcome some seemingly impossible obstacles, God graciously and powerfully obliterated those obstacles. Wow!
The lesson I gleaned from this event is simple but huge. Pray about everything. Seek God’s counsel on everything. Trust God to powerfully work on your behalf, as long as what you’re asking for is in line with his will. AND, be thankful, because He is a loving father and He sees you even when your circumstances seem dire. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
We’re all a bit anxious right now…some are even downright fearful. How will we make it through economic challenges that are draining our bank account? How will my children avoid the evil indoctrination of our culture? Are we on the verge of World War 3? And, if you’re not worried about that, then there are a myriad of other things that might be stealing your joy and your hope. Perhaps your marriage is falling apart or your kids are making poor decisions.
The truth is that, until we get to heaven, we will all experience tough times here on earth. And of course, Satan loves to pile on by whispering negative, hopeless thoughts into our minds when he sees that we’re struggling. We tend to start reciting a list of complaints and fears…about people in our life, health problems, finances, the way we look, and on and on. Instead of reflecting the love of Jesus to those around us, our facial expression portrays “woe is me”.
For a believer, that’s ridiculous! If you’ve made Jesus your Lord, you have his protection and power at your disposal. Your prayers are powerful! James 5:16 “The prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective”. And even if your prayers aren’t answered EXACTLY how you think God should, you can trust Him to redeem every hardship in your life. I love what He tells me in Psalm 103:4 “He redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion”. When life gets discouraging…when anxiety starts eroding your hope…bring your concerns to Jesus and relax into his strong arms.
I grasp hope and peace when I choose to trust in Jesus. He is at work! His ways are perfect. Seek His perspective on all that’s happening. Ask him to help you understand what he’s doing in this challenging moment. Ask him to redeem your seemingly hopeless situation. He’s so creative! He’s working behind the scenes right now.
Being married to an unbeliever can be frustrating and discouraging. You’re pulling one way. He’s pulling another. You make decisions based on your faith and trust in God. He thinks only of himself. Ugh.
There is hope, but your situation may not change overnight. The key is persistent prayer. One wife, whom I know quite well, prayed earnestly for about 15 years before her husband finally came to Christ. It was discouraging at times, but she kept believing that God would answer her prayer, and He did. It just took time (15 years!) for God to soften her husband’s heart.
May I suggest that you pray Ezekiel 36:26-27 every day for your husband, inserting his name in the verse? The verse talks about God turning a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. In other words, God can soften hard hearts! Here is how you might want to pray this verse: “Jesus, give (insert your husband’s name) a new heart and put a new spirit in him. Jesus, remove (insert name)’s heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh. Jesus, put your Spirit in (insert name) and move him to follow your decrees and be careful to keep your laws.”
Also, to encourage yourself to keep diligently praying and trusting God, you may want to read the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18.
The Appreciated Wife 