Yes, there are a lot of temptations facing your husband every day. He will likely see beautiful women, either at work, at the espresso stand, or at the sandwich shop on any given day. If you have cable TV, Hulu, or Netflix, he will certainly view gorgeous women there. There’s just no getting around it. But there’s one thing he won’t regularly encounter with those women. They’re not waiting at home for him with a passionate kiss at the end of his exhausting day!
The way to ensure your husband is thinking about you during his day is to take a moment before he leaves for work and whisper into his ear some of the “plans” you have for him that evening! The bride in the Bible’s Song of Songs models this for us! Here is just one excerpt of the arousing words she spoke to her groom in anticipation of them coming together intimately… “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits” (Song of Songs 4:10)
So, what erotic thing could you whisper to your husband as he heads off to work? You might say something like this: “I’m getting a sitter for the kids tonight and I’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen, wearing an apron and nothing else.” Be creative. Of course, you can’t do this every day. However, if you do it every few weeks, he’ll be dreaming of the next time you have a pleasant surprise waiting for him. He will be thinking of you!
Most women are totally insecure about their bodies. Our thighs are too big. Our breasts are too small. The list of insecurities goes on and on. The problem only gets worse after we’ve had children! Stretch marks. The extra poof of your abdomen that never seems to go away. Sagging boobs after you’ve stopped breast feeding. You know what I’m talking about! It’s kind of difficult to feel sexy around your husband.
But I’m going to challenge you to change your outlook. Yes, we do need to do what we can to be attractive. If we need to drop 50 lbs, we need to work on that. If we need to exercise to tone up the flab, we need to work on that. However, once we make a reasonable effort to look our best, our attitude changes the rest! You’ve got to rock what you’ve got! Think sexy! View yourself as sexy when you’re with your husband. Be spunky and playful and maybe even a little bit sassy with him. Don’t be ashamed of your body. Your confidence in who you are will be very sexy to him! In Proverbs 23:7, the Bible says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” In other words, when you start viewing yourself as sexy and attractive to your husband, you will become sexy and attractive to him!
Are you familiar with the actress Queen Latifah? She’s not thin at all. In fact, she’s probably carrying an extra 30 or 40 lbs. But she’s viewed as sexy because she has that feisty, confident attitude that basically says “I know I’m sexy”. You can do it too. Rock what you’ve got!
Being married to an unbeliever can be frustrating and discouraging. You’re pulling one way. He’s pulling another. You make decisions based on your faith and trust in God. He thinks only of himself. Ugh.
There is hope, but your situation may not change overnight. The key is persistent prayer. One wife, whom I know quite well, prayed earnestly for about 15 years before her husband finally came to Christ. It was discouraging at times, but she kept believing that God would answer her prayer, and He did. It just took time (15 years!) for God to soften her husband’s heart.
May I suggest that you pray Ezekiel 36:26-27 every day for your husband, inserting his name in the verse? The verse talks about God turning a heart of stone into a heart of flesh. In other words, God can soften hard hearts! Here is how you might want to pray this verse: “Jesus, give (insert your husband’s name) a new heart and put a new spirit in him. Jesus, remove (insert name)’s heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh. Jesus, put your Spirit in (insert name) and move him to follow your decrees and be careful to keep your laws.”
Also, to encourage yourself to keep diligently praying and trusting God, you may want to read the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18.
My question for you today has to do with the way you kiss your husband!! Do you kiss him in a way that communicates to him that he is wanted and desired? If so, you are a wise woman who is breathing life into her marriage. On the other hand, do you kiss your husband reluctantly or in a passionless way? If so, you could be contributing to the slow death of your marriage.
Your husband needs to feel desired by you. He wants to be your sexual hero. Your response to his kisses tells your man a lot. When you press into the kiss with passion, he feels wanted and becomes a more confident man. The bride in the Song of Songs understood this. She made sure her groom knew how much she loved his kisses. In Song of Songs 1:2 she says “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is more delightful than wine.”
So, this week I challenge you to kiss your husband deeply, as in more than one second!! Press into the kiss with passion. Not only will this be a blessing to him, but I bet you will reap some benefits as well. As he revels in your love, he will likely be more attentive toward you. 🙂 In fact, you might want to intoxicate him with your love, as the Bible mentions in Proverbs 5:18-19. A husband who is intoxicated with his wife does not stray!
As a wife, you want your husband to cherish you and be drawn to you. The question is: once you get married and the intoxication of new love wears off, how do you keep your man drawn to you? Of course, you want to do what you can to stay physically attractive, and you likely know a robust sex life with him is super important, but here are 2 other simple things that will tend to keep your husband attracted to you.
1) Listen intently to him when he talks, especially when he talks about his hopes, his dreams, his plans, and the things he loves to do. If you engage him in conversation about his dreams and passions in life, he will feel understood, accepted, and valued for who he is at his core. Valuing his hopes and dreams is a sign of respect, and Ephesians 5:33 says, “The wife must respect her husband.” This doesn’t mean that you necessarily agree with some of his more far-fetched dreams, but you can certainly explore with him why that specific dream or passion is exciting to him. Perhaps you can even brainstorm ways to satisfy those longings in practical ways.
2) Make plans for fun outings together and then make time in your schedule to have fun with him! You used to do this when you were dating, and you need to keep connecting with him through fun activities and hobbies during your marriage. Golf together. Try doing a workout video together. Start a pillow fight. Watch funny movies. Take a hike. Go sledding in the winter and kayaking in the summer. Invite a fun couple to your house once a month to play table games. Your husband will bond with you and be drawn to you when you have fun together.
So you’re married, but after 2 years or 22 years, the excitement and romance can easily fade, especially when children enter the picture! How can a wife continue to capture her husband’s heart year after year?
1 Peter 3:1-4 gives us some clues. Read verses 1 through 4 slowly. Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
Two insights popped out at me. How about you? First, a husband is drawn to a wife who chooses to yield/submit to his leadership. This is such a huge sign of respect in a man’s eyes! And so many surveys of men reveal that they all yearn for respect. Secondly, a wife will have unfading beauty if she interacts with her husband in a soft, gentle way. This is also super respectful in a man’s eyes. No man is drawn to an aggressive, argumentative, critical wife who challenges him at every turn!
And I would like to add one more insight that I’ve simply learned from experience. Carry yourself with confidence and self-respect. Men are repelled by a woman who is clingy and needy, and they are drawn to women who are strong and confident, and yet who allow the man to “rescue” her from time to time. 😊
Won’t your husband be surprised when you….flirt with him?! It will be a pleasant surprise, I’m sure! C’mon ladies. Why do we greet our children, our dog, our cat, or our gerbil with more excitement than we greet our husband? Why are we more concerned with getting our girlfriends to really like us than our own husbands? Did we even notice the slow and subtle decline of affection and flirtation in our marriage?
Let’s start revving up the romance and excitement of our marriages once again. Maybe we should take a clue from the bride in the Bible’s Song of Songs. For instance, in chapter 7, she flirts with her man and tells him what she has planned for him sexually! “Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded….there will I give you my love.”
Start flirting with your husband, and do it at least once every day. It could be a pinch on his tush, or a playful lifting of your shoulder, or a sassy smile that says I’m looking forward to being intimate with you later, or even a wink at him across the lobby at church. The simple act of flirting with your husband on a regular basis will help to rekindle romance, excitement, and his interest in you! What do you have to lose?