impact

This activity destroys marriages!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I am filled with righteous indignation today, and frankly, I’m on the war path!  I keep on discovering more and more marriages that are slowly being destroyed due to pornography. The stories women tell me often reveal very similar downward spirals. Their husband’s use of porn has evolved into online sex chat rooms, actual encounters with other women, or even sex crimes.  Then there’s a whole other group of women who feel unloved because their husbands rarely, if ever, want to make love to them anymore.  The reason?  Their husbands are busy satisfying their sexual needs with pornography and masturbation.

I say ENOUGH!  It’s time that women everywhere step up with courage and dignity and declare war on pornography!  Ephesians 5, verse 3 says “among you there must not even be hint of sexual immorality” and in verse 11, God instructs us “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”   It’s time that all women adopt a zero tolerance standard for pornography use by their men (and themselves as well). I’m NOT saying to declare war on your husband. He is not the enemy.  However, we can no longer wring our hands in defeat and stand by helplessly as our marriages and families crumble. 

What should you do if your husband is viewing pornography?  Respectfully, lovingly, but firmly, tell him you will not tolerate that anymore.  Ask him if he’s willing to do whatever it takes to stop.  If he says yes, then work with him to find help.  There are some great programs out there.  For instance, in the Bellingham, WA area, men are being helped at Band of Brothers For Christ and another group called Prodigals.  If your husband refuses to sincerely seek help or continues looking at porn, then you may have to establish a firm boundary in the relationship.  You may even have to separate for a time.  Take a stand, ladies!  If you don’t, you and your marriage will likely end up being destroyed.

If you’re considering divorce

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Having a rough time in your marriage?  Do you wish you’d never married your husband?  Our society makes it very easy to throw in the towel and divorce.  Divorce might seem very tempting, but let me tell you from personal experience; it’s really hard on your children.  Actually, it’s devastating for them.  Yes, God can heal them over time, but your children will always carry a deep emotional scar.  Whoever started the rumor that kids can bounce back from divorce was lying!

I’m not saying that a woman should never divorce her husband.  The Bible certainly gives a clear allowance for divorce in Matthew 19:9 where Jesus says “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”  Jesus clearly states that when a spouse has cheated on you sexually, divorce is permissible.  After many years of studying the Bible, I also believe God permits a woman to divorce her husband when he grossly sins against his wife through continuing physical or emotional abuse.  After all, God instructs us in Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life“.  After years of severe emotional or physical abuse, a woman can become a mere shell of a human being.  I don’t believe that is God’s will for anyone.  Throughout the Bible, we see that God is more concerned with mercy than merely following rules.

All this being said, please do everything you can to fight for your marriage.  Don’t give up easily.  Don’t let bitterness grow.  Work to resolve issues before your heart grows so cold that you don’t feel like working to save your marriage. You may possibly need to separate from your husband in order to bring his attention to the seriousness of the problem, but your goal should be reconciliation and restoration of your marriage. Find a good counselor.  Get a mentor couple.  Read the Bible.  Pray continually.  Don’t give up on your marriage too easily.  If for no other reason, fight for your marriage on behalf of your children.

Do this before giving hubby advice

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

A wife’s words are so impactful!  I have written devotionals in the past about the power of pausing during a heated conversation with our men so that we refrain from responding with words that are harsh or mean….something we’ll likely regret later.  Well, there’s also another reason to pause.  As women, we need to pause before we offer casual bits of advice or “wisdom” to our husbands.

I don’t think we realize how our guys are greatly influenced by us!   We might think they aren’t really paying that much attention to a casual suggestion we toss out, but often they are.  In fact, many husbands in the Bible were greatly influenced by something their wives said, and the wives rarely had good advice!  I think especially of Sarah telling Abraham to sleep with her servant in order for him to have a son, since she was getting impatient waiting for God to fulfill his promise to give her children! Read the story in Genesis 16:1-4 and you will find out Sarah’s decision didn’t turn out so well!

So, let’s think twice before we offer a morsel of our brilliant counsel during a conversation with our men.  I remember so clearly a time I did that several years ago with my husband and he immediately acted upon it.  I hadn’t really even thought it through, let alone prayed about it. It wasn’t actually a good suggestion that I tossed out at him carelessly!  Thankfully, there was no harm done, but it got me to thinking about the need to really pause and pray about any suggestions or counsel I decide to pass on to my husband.  How about you?

How to powerfully impact husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Does your husband wrestle with a destructive addiction?  Is your husband carrying way too much stress from his job?  Does your husband seem depressed?  Is your man uninterested in pursuing God?  It’s easy for you to sink into despair, but instead, I challenge you to pray for him continually, and with total faith in our powerful God!

I’m not saying that prayer is the only thing you should do, but it is one of the most powerful things you can do for your man.   Yet, often we tend to do more whining to our girlfriends than praying for our men.  We often spend too much time drowning in a pool of self-pity instead of saturating our days with earnest prayer.

Seek godly counsel from a pastor or wise female mentor to gain insights into whether you need to take specific action with your husband.  Those actions may include establishing boundaries and refusing to enable a continuing pattern of sin. Perhaps you will be directed to see a counselor yourself.  Maybe your pastor will schedule a talk with your husband to see if he can help.  However, your main job as your husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18) is to pray for him.  Pray for him throughout the day.  God says in James 5:16 that “the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective“.  So get on your knees and get busy praying.  I have seen God do some pretty amazing things in response to earnest, continual prayer.  I have even seen the Lord change a husband’s heart!  Yes, God can change a person’s heart.  Read Ezekiel 36:26.