husbands

Perfect gift for your husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

The perfect gift for your husband…whether it’s Christmas, father’s day, his birthday or your anniversary….is super inexpensive. Give him the gift of respect! The Bible makes it clear that a wife is to respect her husband. This instruction is found in Ephesians 5:33 which simply says “the wife must respect her husband”, and most wives know that a man craves his wife’s respect. However, sometimes it’s hard to figure out how to communicate that respect. It’s especially difficult if your husband isn’t perfect! We naturally gravitate to focusing on what’s wrong with our men as opposed to what’s right.

I’m not saying we should ignore a husband’s blatant sin or destructive patterns. We definitely need to pray about confronting disrespectful, destructive, or immoral patterns of behavior. However, we can’t ONLY focus on his areas of weakness. Our men need to know that we believe in them. They need to know that we notice their strengths too!

A simple way to communicate respect is to voice appreciation for the big and small things your husband does for you and your family. Does he go to work each day? Tell him how much you appreciate his hard work. Does he set aside some time each day to play with the kids? Let him know how much you appreciate that. Does he refrain from stopping at the bar on the way home from work? Tell him how much you appreciate that he comes straight home to his family. A great gift you can give to your husband is your daily appreciation for all he does, and to affirm things that he actually does right! It’s a sign of respect.

By the way, some other simple ways to show respect include, paying attention when he’s talking to you, greeting him with a smile and hug when he comes home, and asking his opinion on how he would like things to go at your home and in your family.

Husbands need time to process!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Have you ever noticed a blank look on your husband’s face when you suddenly bring up a heavy topic, voice a frustration, or ask him to change a behavior? Or does your husband seem to get defensive very quickly in those moments? I’m discovering that the reason for the blank look or the immediate defensiveness is because a man thinks differently than a woman!

Women process thoughts, ideas and feelings at lightning speed. We are ready to engage in a deep conversation at the drop of a hat. We can verbalize how we feel instantaneously! Men, on the other hand, need time to process their thoughts and feelings. So…..when we suddenly bring up a deep topic, or state how we feel, or ask them to make a change in behavior, or heaven forbid, ask them how they feel, our men become like the proverbial “deer in the headlights”! Often they default to the blank look on the face or they become defensive because they feel pressured to do or say something, and they haven’t yet had a chance to think things through.

Here’s what I learned to do. I learned to bring up a concern or state my feelings on an issue and then let my husband have some breathing room to process it. I learned to say “let’s talk more about this later after you’ve had a chance to think about it.” Most men need some space to process their thoughts and feelings. Maybe this is a good opportunity for us to practice patience! Ponder these two Proverbs. Proverbs 19:11 “A person’s wisdom yields patience…” Proverbs 14:29 “Whoever is patient has great understanding….”

How porn destroys marriages

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Pornography is ruining marriages all across America, even thousands of Christian marriages. I keep on discovering more and more marriages that are slowly being destroyed due to pornography. The stories women tell me often reveal very similar downward spirals. Their husband’s use of porn has evolved into online sex chat rooms, actual encounters with other women, or even sex crimes. Then there’s a whole other group of women who feel unloved because their husbands rarely, if ever, want to make love to them anymore. The reason? Their husbands are busy satisfying their sexual needs with pornography and masturbation.

I say ENOUGH! It’s time that women everywhere step up with courage and dignity and declare war on pornography! Ephesians 5, verse 3 says “among you there must not even be hint of sexual immorality” and in verse 11, God instructs us “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” It’s time that all women adopt a zero tolerance standard for pornography use by their men (and themselves as well). I’m NOT saying to declare war on your husband. He is not the enemy. However, we can no longer wring our hands in defeat and stand by helplessly as our marriages and families crumble.

What should you do if your husband is viewing pornography? Respectfully, lovingly, but firmly, tell him you will not tolerate that anymore. Ask him if he’s willing to do whatever it takes to stop. If he says yes, then work with him to find help. There are some great programs out there. For instance, in the Bellingham, WA area, men are being helped at Band of Brothers For Christ and another group called Prodigals. If your husband refuses to sincerely seek help or continues looking at porn, then you may have to establish a firm boundary in the relationship. You may even have to separate for a time. Take a stand, ladies! If you don’t, you and your marriage will likely end up being destroyed.

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