husband’s

Resist this urge as a wife

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

True confession: Often, in my marriage to my late husband Raul, I found myself wanting to jump in and “fix things” for my husband.  Sometimes, I did this because I feared his mood would grow ugly if I didn’t take steps to improve his circumstances.  Sometimes, I did this because I feared that his ministry could stumble if he didn’t do things the “correct” way.  Sometimes, I did this because I thought his relationship with our kids would suffer if I didn’t intervene.  Sometimes, I did this because I feared…..

Hmmm.  When it comes right down to it, fear is the common feeling behind all of the times I jumped in to act as my husband’s savior.  Unfortunately, fear usually causes us to act unwisely.  Proverbs 29:25 says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.“

Here’s something to ponder.  Every time you jump in to “fix” things for your husband, you actually prevent your man from turning to God for help.  Every time you try to prevent your husband from feeling any discomfort or pain, you might be preventing him from digging down deep roots into God’s nourishment for his soul.   Resist the urge to be your husband’s savior.  There is only one perfect savior anyway.  His name is Jesus Christ.

How to soften husband’s heart

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You want to know a sure-fire way to soften your husband’s heart toward you?  Be humble and quick to apologize when you have been disrespectful toward him!  I say “when” instead of “if” you are disrespectful because ALL wives gravitate toward being disrespectful from time to time!  Much of the time, we don’t even recognize that we’re being disrespectful. 

Let me give some examples.  You roll your eyes when he forgets to do something.  You sigh dramatically and shake your head about his “cluelessness” when he doesn’t meet your expectations.  You ask his opinion about something but then point out the flaws in his thinking.  You might even be disrespectful by giving him the silent treatment when he fails to eagerly pitch in to help with the household chores. 

When a wife acts disrespectfully toward her husband, he often hardens his heart toward her as a means of self-protection.  So, if you would like to soften your husband’s heart toward you, ask God to help you catch yourself the minute you say or do something that communicates disrespect.  Then, be quick to sincerely and humbly apologize.  A powerful apology contains these words:  “I was wrong to ….” and “please forgive me”.  Your humility will go a long way in softening your man’s heart.  Humility is a virtue we need to intentionally put on every morning.  Colossians 3:12 puts it this way, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.“

Say this to draw your husband’s heart

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We all know that women are greatly concerned about their body image….maybe even obsessed about it!  But did you know that men are also hyper-sensitive about one aspect of their body image?  Almost every man really wants to be perceived as strong and muscular.  This means your husband yearns for you to notice and appreciate his muscles!  He’s not going to tell you that, but he really wants to be perceived as strong!

Perhaps this is why the bride in the Bible’s Song of Songs continues to tell her groom over and over again how she values his strength and muscular body.  Here are some examples of what she tells him:  Song of Songs 2:8-9 “Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.”   Song of Songs 5:14-15 “His arms are rods of gold set with topaz. His body is like polished ivory decorated with lapis lazuli. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars.”

When’s the last time you verbally admired your husband’s strength?  When is the last time you noticed his biceps and made a little comment about how impressive they are?  Your husband craves those comments!  As you vocalize your appreciation for his physical strength, he will be drawn to you!

Don’t stick knife in his wound!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Whether we realize it or not, most husbands are actually very insecure.  Many of our men have suffered deep emotional wounds in childhood.  Some were teased incessantly at school.  Many were physically abused by their dad or grandpa.  Others were sexually abused by the neighbor man.  Some were basically abandoned by one or both of their parents.  The emotional wounds, though often never revealed openly, still exist.

Unintentionally, we sometimes take a knife to that open wound and rip it open a little further.  When a man’s wife constantly points out his faults, the wound becomes larger.  When a wife complains that he doesn’t make enough money, isn’t romantic enough, doesn’t play with the kids enough, doesn’t talk to her enough….his insecurity grows deeper.  He feels like a failure once again.  He feels unwanted, unappreciated.  He feels like he’s just one big disappointment.

Ladies, let’s truly become our husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18) by being the one person in his life that always sees the best in him…who truly believes in him.  Let’s consciously work to affirm anything and everything he does right.  Think of yourself as your husband’s biggest cheerleader.  He needs to know you’re on his team.  This doesn’t mean you should never confront him if he’s way out of line, but even then, you can confront him lovingly and respectfully.  Let’s become the soothing salve for the emotional wounds of our men!

How to attract husband’s heart

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

So, you’re married, but after 2 years or 22 years, the excitement and romance can easily fade, especially when children enter the picture!  How can a wife continue to capture her husband’s heart year after year?

1 Peter 3:1-4 gives us some clues.   Read verses 1 through 4 slowly.  Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

Two insights popped out at me.  How about you?  First, a husband is drawn to a wife who chooses to yield/submit to his leadership.  This is such a huge sign of respect in a man’s eyes!  And so many surveys of men reveal that they all yearn for respect.  Secondly, a wife will have unfading beauty if she interacts with her husband in a soft, gentle way.  This is also super respectful in a man’s eyes.  No man is drawn to an aggressive, argumentative, critical wife who challenges him at every turn!

And I would like to add one more insight that I’ve simply learned from experience.  Carry yourself with confidence and self-respect.  Men are repelled by a woman who is clingy and needy, and they are drawn to women who are strong and confident (and maybe even a bit playfully sassy!), and yet who allow the man to “rescue” her from time to time. 😊

Dealing with your husband’s flaws

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

You may be a wife (like I have been in the past) who is stunned when her husband does or says something that isn’t exactly kind and loving. To be honest, at some subconscious level, I guess I expected my husband to always make me happy and do the right thing. In short, I rather expected him to be like Jesus. I mean, after all, he is a Christian, for heaven’s sake!


Hmmm. On the other hand, the Bible makes it clear that no human being is perfect. Psalm 14:3 says, “there is no one who does good, not even one”. So, perhaps it’s time for you to take your husband off the hook. I’m not saying that you should give him a free pass on blatant, destructive sin. Jesus makes it clear we should confront someone who is truly sinning against us. You can read his instructions about that in Matthew 18:15-17.


However, I do believe it’s time for Christian wives to start being gracious to their husbands in terms of looking beyond their minor faults and annoying quirks. Does he sometimes drive more aggressively than you would like? Maybe you can be gracious about that (while praying for safety!). Does he fall short in the romance department? You can be gracious about that too. Does he sometimes snap at you when he’s stressed. That makes him human! Remember he is a flawed person, just like you! We’re all a work in progress…in the master’s hands.