husband

Easy way to keep hubby attracted

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Won’t your husband be surprised when you….flirt with him?! It will be a pleasant surprise, I’m sure! C’mon ladies. Why do we greet our children, our dog, our cat, or our gerbil with more excitement than we greet our husband? Why are we more concerned with getting our girlfriends to really like us than our own husbands? Did we even notice the slow and subtle decline of affection and flirtation in our marriage?

Let’s start revving up the romance and excitement of our marriages once again. Maybe we should take a clue from the bride in the Bible’s Song of Songs. For instance, in chapter 7, she flirts with her man and tells him what she has planned for him sexually! “Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded….there will I give you my love.”

Start flirting with your husband, and do it at least once every day. It could be a pinch on his tush, or a playful lifting of your shoulder, or a sassy smile that says I’m looking forward to being intimate with you later, or even a wink at him across the lobby at church. The simple act of flirting with your husband on a regular basis will help to rekindle romance, excitement, and his interest in you! What do you have to lose?

Key strategy during marital conflict

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Conflict and disagreement is inevitable in marriage. However, conflict need not lead to the formation of two enemy camps! Here’s something that can greatly change the dynamics during conflict and actually move you closer to resolution. Pause and ask God to help you see the situation through your husband’s eyes. Ask the Lord to show you what is truly prompting your husband to say what he’s saying or do what he’s doing. Is he stressed? Is he discouraged? Is he still affected by emotional wounds from his childhood? Does he simply have a different idea on how something should be done, and could his idea actually make sense?

When we intentionally pause and try to consider the vantage point of our husbands, we begin to have compassion, or at least an understanding of why he is thinking or acting the way he is. Instead of only focusing on our desires, Philippians 2:4 instructs us, “Look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” When you truly stop and try to look at the situation from his perspective, you may see some actual merit to your husband’s point of view! You might also start to realize how your husband’s past hurts in life (or current fears) are playing a role in his actions or reactions.

When we ask Jesus to help us see the situation through our husband’s eyes, we start to soften and feel compassion. As we have compassion and understanding, it will be much easier to compromise or find a resolution. Try it!

** or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

Date-night conversation-starters

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We’ve all seen that couple at a restaurant…that couple that hardly speaks a word to each other throughout the whole meal. Don’t be that couple! You and your husband may not be used to revealing your hearts to each other, but give it a try, and don’t just talk about the kids. Here are two helpful hints in terms of making your husband comfortable in opening up his heart to you in conversation: 1) Show an actual interest in what your husband shares 2) Do not criticize, point out flaws, or roll your eyes at the things he shares! Philippians 2:4 instructs…”Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others.” So, really listen to the hopes, dreams, fears, concerns, and feelings of your husband.

Here are 4 questions you could use as date night conversation starters:
1) What makes you feel most fully alive…as in what do you so enjoy doing that you feel great satisfaction or delight and you easily lose track of time?
2) If you had 100 million dollars and didn’t have to work for a living, what would you love to do with your time and money?
3) What are the 2 or 3 most impactful moments of your life?
4) What was the best part of your day and what was the most discouraging part of your day?

If husband has crazy plans!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Are you bewildered by the amount of time your husband spends surfing online to check out the latest, fastest motorcycles available, or talking about quitting his job to open a risky new business, or dreaming about buying a huge boat and sailing around the world? Apparently, you’re not alone! Many wives report being frustrated, bewildered, and maybe even scared about their husband’s “crazy” ideas to spend way too much money on a hobby or to take a gigantic risk on some new money-making adventure or wild life-style change. So, what’s a wife to do? Let me give you two thoughts:


1) Since a wife is to show respect to her husband (Ephesians 5:33), avoid the tendency to ridicule his plans, but instead come to him gently and with a true desire to understand how his idea would work. You can simply say, “Tell me more about your idea…” Then, you can ask gentle, respectful follow-up questions, such as, “How are you thinking we would handle the financial part of that idea?” or “Do you have some thoughts on how we would pay our mortgage while your new business is getting started?”


2) Also, ask your husband if he will take the matter to God in prayer to seek God’s guidance on his dreams and plans. By the way, it will be super helpful if you’re humble and ask your husband if he has any concerns about the way that you spend your free time or about the things you tend to focus on. When we are humble, our husbands are much more willing to accept input and gentle correction. Colossians 3:12 says “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

If your husband is doing things wrong!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We are all going to be frustrated or concerned with our husbands from time to time because they aren’t doing things right. Of course, we define “right” as “our way”!!!


For you, perhaps you’re upset and frustrated with the way your husband is parenting the kids. You don’t think he’s doing it the right way. Maybe he is handling the finances differently than you would. Perhaps you disagree with his opinion on women serving in pastoral roles at your church. What is a wife to do?!
Here are 3 things that God showed me as I asked him this very question, because believe it or not, my husband and I don’t always see eye to eye on everything!


1) Ask God to help you see if you have a pride problem. Think about it. The minute you say that your husband isn’t doing things “right”, you’re implying that your way is the only way that’s correct. That’s pretty arrogant, to put it bluntly. The exception would be if your husband is entangled in a pattern of sin. That should, of course, be addressed. Otherwise, differences of opinion are normal. Different ways of handling things are normal. It doesn’t mean he’s wrong and you’re right.


2) Ask God to help you focus on what your husband is doing well; the things you can and should be grateful for. Instead of dwelling on the little differences of opinion and the small disagreements, focus on what he does well. For example, if your husband attends church and loves the Lord, be super grateful for that, instead of getting upset that his opinions about church dynamics are different than yours.


3) Ask God to help you remember that your husband is a work in progress in the hands of God. No one has arrived at perfection, including you. We are all being slowly molded and matured by God. Maturity takes time!! 2 Corinthians 3:18 puts it this way: And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. So, as you’re waiting for God to slowly transform your husband, pray that God would gently convict him if he’s off course in some area. God will definitely answer that prayer…in his own timing.

**or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

Drawing out the best in your guy

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Our words are SO powerful! If you frequently tell your husband how he’s falling short, he will likely close down emotionally and search for an escape door. He may turn to alcohol, porn, excessive recreational pursuits, or even other women.

However, if you choose to tell him about the good things you see in him, he will begin to grow in confidence. I believe this is why God instructs wives in Ephesians 5:33, “the wife must respect her husband”. Your respect and admiration mean everything to your man. If you intentionally take note of his talents as well as the effort he puts forth, and then tell him you are proud of him, his feelings of inadequacy will fall away. He will start believing he can be successful in what he tries. He will gain courage to try tackling even bigger things.

If you notice his positive character qualities (and every man has at least one!), and tell him how much you respect him for those qualities, he will be built up on the inside. He will likely begin believing that he can become a man who makes a difference in his family and for God. A wife’s words of respect and encouragement can propel her husband forward to be an even greater man than he would ever have been without her!

How to present concern to husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

In an ideal world, a wife would never have to confront her husband about some kind of disrespectful, destructive, or just plain immoral behavior. However, we live in a fallen world, and both men and women can easily stray into sinful choices that hurt the people they love.

If you are a wife who is ready to confront your husband over some kind of wrong behavior, here’s what not to do! Don’t treat him like he’s the enemy. Don’t give him that look says “you disgust me”. Don’t scold him like he’s a 3 year-old child. Don’t roll your eyes.

Instead, as you’re bringing up the issue that is causing you distress, let your husband know that you are for him and your marriage. A man will shut down if he feels his wife is against him. A man will tune his wife out if she is disrespectful. The Bible says “the wife must respect her husband” in Ephesians 5:33, and this is critical when a wife addresses issues of concern with her husband. Let your man know that you love him and want to work with him as his partner to overcome the challenge. Speak gently and encourage him by reminding him of his good qualities. If he knows you are truly for him, he will be much more apt to listen to what you’re saying instead of shutting you out or flying into a rage.

Here are two more tips. 1) To help make sure he doesn’t get super defensive, start out by asking this gentle question: “Help me understand why….” When you ask him that instead of starting out with strong accusations, he will be much more likely to talk calmly with you! 2) Start out the conversation by affirming the good in him. You might begin this way: “I know you love me and I know you would never intentionally hurt me, but….”

If hubby seems headed wrong way

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, a wife notices a trend in her husband’s behavior or reactions that are concerning. He might not be engaged in something hugely sinful, but you are concerned about the harsh way he’s interacting with the kids or the resentment that he holds toward his boss, etc. In other words, you fear that if he continues down that path, significant damage will be the result. Hmmm. What’s a wife to do in those moments where she senses her husband is headed the wrong way?


I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but let me share two things that have been effective in my own relationship. 1) Pray earnestly that God will convict your husband through the Holy Spirit so that your husband will see that he needs to make some changes. Jesus makes it clear that one of the jobs of the Holy Spirit is to convict people when they are off track. Jesus says of the Holy Spirit in John 16:8 “when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment.”


2) If you feel like God is nudging you to talk to your husband about your observations, quietly come to your husband, take a humble posture by perhaps kneeling beside him while he’s sitting, and gently tell him of your concerns. However, don’t ONLY tell him of your concerns. Take this opportunity to speak words of life to him. Tell him about the good qualities you see in him. Remind him that God is transforming him into a man who has Christ’s character, which is “gracious and compassionate; slow to anger and abounding in love” (Psalm 103:8). Tell him you’re proud of him for seeking to become more like Christ and for allowing God to mold and shape him.

Learn how to sparkle as a wife!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) 1 Comment

Proverbs 12:4 says “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Hmmm. Which kind of wife are you? Which kind of wife have I been?

A crown sparkles and reflects light in a beautiful way. Are you a lovely reflection for your husband in all you say and do? Think about it. The way you pray for your husband, the way you encourage him and help him, the way you take care of his home, the way you conduct yourself in public, even the way you respectfully confront any wrong behavior…all these things become like a crown to him. A crown is seen by others and causes others to treat that person with respect, honor, and admiration.

In contrast, a wife who demeans her husband, complains about her husband, doesn’t take care of herself or her home, enables sinful behavior by refusing to confront, and withholds physical affection….she becomes like rot in his bones. A person with rotten bones becomes stooped over and can’t carry his load anymore. He is crippled.

Let’s be the kind of wives who don’t cripple our men, but who so esteem them and help them that they become even mightier men of God. Then we will indeed become beautiful crowns! 🙂

Your thoughts impact your marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was teaching a class for Christian wives the other day and many of the wives had some really frustrating things happening in their marriages. However, the most fascinating thing happened as we took a moment to purposefully change the direction of our thoughts.
We discussed how the devil loves to tempt us to dwell on what is wrong with the people in our lives, as well as our disappointments and frustrations with those people. So we decided to intentionally focus our thoughts on what was good and right (or at least not wrong!) with our husbands. We challenged each other to list 5 good qualities about our husbands and then we shared those things out loud.
The most interesting thing happened. Almost all of us immediately felt much better about our men! It was so simple, yet so profound. What we dwell on, and the thoughts that we allow to roam freely in our minds, shape our attitude! This reminds us of the strategy that Paul offers us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ”.
Yes, sometimes you may need to confront your husband if he is sinning against you, but often we simply need to take control of our thought life. The next time you start on a negative spiral of thought regarding your husband, catch yourself. Take those thoughts captive. Lock them up! Then intentionally begin listing some of his good qualities in your mind. You may find your heart growing a little warmer toward your guy.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW