How to remain attractive to your husband

Here are three things I’ve learned about becoming a beautiful wife in the eyes of my husband (and it’s HIS opinion that really counts!).

1)  I need to put effort into looking my best for my husband, just like I did when I was dating him!  There are many healthy decisions I must choose to make on a daily basis so that I can look my best.  For instance, build into your schedule a 30 minute walking or bike-riding time perhaps 4 days a week.  Even if you have young children, there is a way to make this work. Put the kids in a stroller or have them ride their bike with you.

2) I need to shed insecurity and choose to have a confident attitude about my appearance and value.  My husband says a woman’s confidence is VERY attractive to men.  Flirt with your husband.  Give him some playful, sexy, sass!  He will find that quite attractive!

3) I really need to embrace 1 Peter 3:4 which tells wives their beauty comes from a “gentle and quiet spirit”.  When I asked my husband what this verse means, he said it means that a wife is FOR her husband and not fighting him every step of the way.  It means she creates a peaceful home where her husband is treated with respect.

We all want to be beautiful wives.  So, let’s ask God to grow us in self-control, confidence, peacefulness, and respect for our men.

How to make sure your husband is thinking of you!

Yes, there are a lot of temptations facing your husband every day.  He will likely see beautiful women, either at work, at the espresso stand, or at the sandwich shop on any given day.  If you have television or Netflix, he will certainly view gorgeous women there.  There’s just no getting around it.  But there’s one thing he won’t regularly encounter with those women.  They’re not waiting at home for him with a passionate kiss at the end of his exhausting day!

The way to ensure your husband is thinking about you during his day is to take a moment before he leaves for work and  whisper into his ear some of the “plans” you have for him that evening!  The bride in the Bible’s Song of Songs models this for us!   Here is just one excerpt of the arousing words she spoke to her groom in anticipation of them coming together intimately… “Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits” (Song of Songs 4:10)

So, what erotic thing could you whisper to your husband as he heads off to work?  You might say something like this:  “I’m getting a sitter for the kids tonight and I’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen, wearing an apron and nothing else.”  Be creative.  Of course, you can’t do this every day.  However, if you do it every few weeks, he’ll be dreaming of the next time you have a pleasant surprise waiting for him.  He will be thinking of you!

Understanding a subtle need of your husband

Did you know you can enhance the relationship with your husband by allowing a gap for him to fill?   It’s true.  So often, women zoom in to fill all voids in leadership, responsibility, or tasks.  There’s something that needs to be handled, and you might even ask your husband to do it, but if he doesn’t jump off his chair and do it in the next 2 seconds, you do it yourself!  In a nutshell, you subtly communicate that you don’t really need him.  But your man wants to be needed by you.  He wants to be your hero.  He wants to be your knight in shining armor.

Your man is wired to crave your admiration and respect.  That’s likely why God tells wives in Ephesians 5:33, “the wife must respect her husband“.  One of the ways your husband will feel respected is when you demonstrate that you value and need his abilities, strength, and character.

Start thinking of ways you can let your man know that you need him.  Do you have a bad headache?  Ask him to pray for you.  Do you have a heavy box that needs to be moved?  Ask him if he can lift it for you.  Let him know he is needed.  He will feel better about himself as he senses that you truly value him and need his strength, abilities, and character.

— or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO HERE

Discovering the root of dysfunctional patterns

We often feel stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior or unhealthy beliefs about ourselves, don’t we?  Here’s a thought.  Instead of staying stuck there, how about if we dig down to discover the root of the dysfunction so that we can dig it up and be free?!  After all, God intends us to be free.  John 8:36 says. “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

I’ve found this simple exercise to be very helpful in finding freedom from unhealthy old thinking and old ways.  Think of the main negative emotion you’re experiencing lately.  It could be worry, fear, anger, sadness, insecurity, jealousy, loneliness, resentment, shame, etc.  Now ask God to help you remember the very, very first time you ever remember experiencing the same emotion.  Many women can trace that emotion back to their toddler years or grade school years!  Now take a moment to consider the event that prompted that emotion.  Did someone say something to you?  Did a situation cause that feeling?

Once you’ve identified the event that prompted this feeling, ask God to reveal whether you began believing a lie about yourself or other people as a result of that event.  Remember, Satan is described by Jesus in John 8:44 as “the father of lies“, and he likely whispered a lie in your ear about that event.

For me personally, I have wrestled all my life with the dysfunctional tendency to avoid conflict and ignore serious problems in relationships. So, I tried this exercise.  I realized my main negative emotion is fear.  As I pondered this with God, I realized I first started feeling that emotion as a toddler in a home where there was tons of yelling and verbal abuse.  God helped me see that the lie I believed back then was that somehow I needed to find a way to make the yelling stop, and that keeping everyone “happy” was my responsibility so that things didn’t spiral way out of control. But that thinking was a lie! It wasn’t my responsibility then and it isn’t my responsibility now!

Have you been believing a lie all these years?  Has it affected your decisions?  Has it resulted in dysfunction in your life?  Ask God to reveal the truth about who you are.  Ask God to give you right beliefs to overcome the lies of the enemy!

Do not put up with abuse or disrespect

It is not okay for your husband (or anyone) to treat you disrespectfully.  Let me just say that again.  It is not okay.  I know far too many beautiful, kind Christian women who, for some reason, allow themselves to be verbally, emotionally, or physically abused by their husbands or boyfriends.  It’s heartbreaking.  I heard yet another story from a highly-intelligent, gorgeous woman recently.  She came to me in despair, wringing her hands over her abusive situation.  Yet, she didn’t clearly see that she needed to draw a firm boundary and impose consequences on such behavior.  In her case, she needed to leave until he showed serious, sustained repentance.

Ladies, do you think God winks at a man who is abusing his wife or girlfriend?  Absolutely not.  In fact, God tells husbands they are to lay down their lives for their wives.  Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  If your husband or boyfriend is emotionally, verbally, or physically abusing you, you need to take a stand.  If you don’t take action, you’re basically enabling his destructive behavior to continue.  Read Matthew 18:15-17 and ask God to reveal His plan for you to take a stand when someone is sinning against you.

How to persevere through your current challenges

It’s inevitable.  You will eventually hit some rough patches in your marriage, and in your life in general.  So how do you hang on and press through those storms?  If your husband is caught in a pattern of sin against you, you will need to respectfully confront the problem.  If you guys just plain disagree on how to handle something, you’ll have to work for a compromise.  But when the situation in your marriage seems hopeless, that’s when we have to learn to persevere.

One huge key for me in terms of perseverance is reflecting on the many times in the past that God has answered my cries for help.  When I look back and take an inventory of the miracles he’s performed in my life and the times when he clearly orchestrated events…then my faith is increased.  As my faith increases, I can more easily persevere through the current crisis.  By recalling the past deeds of God in my life, I find peace knowing that He was in control then and He’s still in control now.  This is the counsel given to us in Psalm 77:11-12 “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

 One of the best ways to remember the past deeds of the Lord is to write down “God-sightings” in a journal. I have a journal filled with little notes about answered prayers or “God-wink” moments where I can see that God orchestrated something amazing in my life.  I re-read these entries several times a year, and my faith is increased once again.  As my faith in God builds, I can persevere more easily during my current trial.  Do you have a “God-sighting” journal?

Who does your husband tend to encounter?

Who does your husband encounter when he walks through the door at the end of the day?  Is he happy to be greeted by a warm, gentle, loving wife…or does he encounter a “drip”? Who wants to be considered a “drip”?  That’s not very flattering!  However, the Bible assigns that label to a wife who is always complaining and criticizing and arguing.  Proverbs 27:15 says “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.”  Uh-oh.  Could that label belong to you?

I’m not saying that you should sweep any sinful behavior by your husband under the rug.  So don’t get the wrong impression that you must never confront immoral or destructive behavior in your marriage. If your husband is engaged in a pattern of actual sin against you, follow the instructions of Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17 and seek godly counsel.   What I am saying is that we need to be careful that we don’t become a constant critic of our husband!  No man wants to come home to that.

Did you know that anonymous surveys of men reveal that most guys are actually very insecure and fear failure most every day?  What they need from their wives is encouragement, not complaints and criticism.  Make a commitment to find something good about your husband every day this week and then tell him how much you appreciate those good qualities.  Use a gentle and loving voice when you talk with him.  He will actually enjoy being around you!  Let’s be an “anti-drip”!!