help

2 ways to combat fear & anxiety

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but I can sometimes get consumed with the “what if” questions.  What if a loved one passes away?  What if I don’t have enough money to be secure in old age?  What if my kids make a really bad life-altering decision?  When I start thinking this way, my serenity level plunges, and my anxiety level shoots through the roof!

Well, here are two decisions that both you and I can make in order to regain peace of mind:

1) We must decide to follow the instructions given in Philippians 4:6-7, which says, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  In other words, we need to tell God all our concerns, ask Him to be in control, and then LEAVE the concerns in His hands!

2)  We must remind ourselves every morning that Jesus is FOR us and that we can trust Him to bring something good out of even the most daunting or difficult situation.  I mean, seriously, do we believe God loves us and that He is perfect in all His ways?  If we REALLY do, then we can relax and realize that, even in difficult circumstances, He has a plan to bring about good things in the lives of those who love Him.  This is the essence of Romans 8:28… “and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.“

Get unstuck from grief, bitterness, despair

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Most every person I know struggles with something, and often in the midst of that struggle, we get stuck in a rut.  Even though we don’t like where we are, we often do the very things that keep us mired down in that area.

Some people get stuck in a rut regarding a dysfunctional coping mechanism such as drinking too much alcohol, or overeating, or over-shopping!   Other people get stuck in a rut in terms of unhealthy and unhelpful communication with their family members.  They might get stuck in the habit of yelling and criticizing or complaining.  And still other people get stuck in a rut regarding depression and despair.  Obviously, no one wants to stay in this rut, but we can’t seem to get ourselves unstuck!

Please allow me to share a few Bible insights that have really helped me get unstuck so I can move forward with joy, peace, and hope.

  1. I’ve learned to do what Paul teaches in Philippians 3:13-14….  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.   Let me make this personal.  I lost my husband to Covid in 2021.  It was shocking.  It was devastating.  My world tipped upside down.  And I could have easily got stuck in depression and even resentment toward God.  However, I distinctly remember the moment I decided to pivot from the pain and turn forward, asking God to open up new adventures and new joys in my life.  That was a choice.  It was a really good one.  I was able to heal and start grabbing hold of joy again.
  2. I’ve learned to pause and consult God when I notice dysfunctional habits in my life.  I ask Him to change my heart so that I desire good things, healthy things, and behavior that please Him.  On my own, I don’t really have the strength to make these changes, but when God comes in and changes my heart in response to prayer, then I have the strength and strong desire necessary to make those changes!  Listen to what God says in Ezekiel 36:26-27  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.   Ask God to change your heart. That’s the first step in getting unstuck from bad habits and unhealthy behavior.

BTW, if you feel stuck, I have written a book all about getting unstuck!  It’s called Pivot and here is the link on Amazon. 😊  https://a.co/d/03x4O11D

God is calling you to be still

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’re like most women, you’re busy…REALLY busy.   Most of us are multi-taskers to the max.  We are trying to balance housekeeping, with nurturing children, with investing in our marriage, with maybe even working full-time outside the home.  Oh, and you might be trying to help out at the local food bank or your church too!  More than likely, you’re exhausted, stressed, and maybe even a bit cranky.  Did I hit that nail on the head? 

How about if we all intentionally slow down?  What if you and I were to ask God in prayer for His direction on where we can cut something out of our busy lives?  Is there a better way to divide responsibilities in our home?  Should you cut out one of the kid’s activities? 

Do you simply need to take 10 or 15 minutes twice a day to be still with God?  Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”.  Maybe it’s time for us to carve out some time to be still for a few minutes each day, perhaps with a cup of lemonade sitting outside on a summer day or snuggled in a comfy chair listening to worships music on a winter day.  I have a feeling that we will find our stress drain away as we enter a time of stillness, and as we become less stressed, everyone around us will benefit!  In fact, your husband may become the biggest fan of your “be still” time with God!  You’ll probably be less cranky. Lol

And by the way, I believe God is calling us to be still in a different way as well.  In Psalm 37:7, the Bible says “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…”   Perhaps God is asking you to calm down in the middle of a challenge, give your anxiety and fear to the Lord, and then wait patiently for Him to respond to your prayers before charging ahead!  Maybe this is another way He is asking you to be still.  Just a thought.

The helpmate God intended you to be

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Genesis 2:18 is a very interesting verse in the Bible.  It actually explains why God created wives!  In this verse, God says this:  “It is not good for man to be alone; I will create a helper suitable for him.”  Wow!  That is God’s purpose for creating wives.  So, in what ways does God intend for a wife to “help” her husband?  Here are 3 ways that I have found to be huge and super impactful:

  1. Pray for your husband.  A wife’s temptation is for God to change her husband so that her husband meets all her desires.  However, that is actually a bit self-centered, isn’t it?  Instead, pray for God to work in your husband’s heart, mind and spirit so that your husband grasps the love of Christ and desires to honor and glorify God with his life!  Huge!
  2. Give respect and encouragement to your husband.  Most men wrestle with insecurity and the fear of failure.  However, when a wife treats her husband with honor and encourages him on a daily basis, he often has the motivation to become an even better dad, husband, and servant of the Lord!
  3. Lovingly but firmly establish boundaries with your husband if he is engaged in a pattern of sin against you or your children.  Simply sinking into self-pity or resentment is not helpful to you or your husband.  However, if you set clear expectations for change as well as boundaries for your husband, God often uses those steps to get a husband’s attention so that he finally decides to repent of the sin and turn back to God.

You’re not alone or forgotten

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, during the really challenging moments in life, we feel all alone in the struggle.  The enemy of our soul starts whispering lie after lie.  He tells us God doesn’t care.  He tells us nobody understands.  He whispers that we are all alone and nobody will help us.  What a bunch of filthy lies!

The truth is that if you believe Jesus died on the cross for your sins and if you have chosen to follow Him as the leader of your life, then God will never leave you…not for one second!  Others might abandon you and others might disappoint you, but God tells us in His Word that He will never leave us or forsake us.  You can read that in Hebrews 13:5.  We also read in Psalm 27:10 that even if our mom and dad desert us, the Lord will hold us close.  Hallelujah!

Here’s something else that occurred to me recently.  When someone asks me to pray for them due to a super challenging situation, I always seem to be prompted to pray “Lord, hold __________ in the palm of your hand.”  Frankly, I’ve always kind of wondered why I feel prompted to pray that way.  Why do I tend to ask God to hold them in the “palm of His hand”?  Well, I stumbled across the reason the other day.  I found it in Isaiah 49:14-16 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…”  Wow!  God has engraved your name on the palm of His hand.  He will never forget you. He is holding you tenderly, always.

Handling irritation/anger toward husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Does your mouth often cause trouble between you and your husband (or between you and other people)?  If you’re one of many women who end up “venting” their irritation, frustration or anger in an unkind way, or saying harsh words you later regret, God’s Word gives us 3 clues on how we can respond appropriately when we start to feel our anger rising.

1)  Pause.  Just stop.  Leave the room for a moment if you need to.  Don’t react in the moment because your gut-level reaction will almost always cause trouble!  James 1:19 puts it this way, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  So pause before you react verbally.

2)  During the pause, consult the Holy Spirit and ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand how to love and respect your husband with your response.  Would your husband be positively impacted by a gentle and encouraging word from you?  Would your husband be more willing to make changes that you’re requesting if you showed him respect by asking him to help you understand his perspective?  Philippians 2:4 says “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.“

3)  When you’re ready to address the issue with your husband, say a silent prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to be the one speaking to your husband by using your mouth.  Trust me. The Holy Spirit will come up with much better words than you ever could, and will utter those words in a much more respectful way!  When speaking to his disciples, Jesus said in Matthew 10:19-20, “But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”

Practice this when seeking guidance

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When we face a challenge, a dilemma, or even a crisis…we tend to search high and low for the easy answer.   We cry out to God, asking him to give us the magic pill that will make it all go away!  We call our mom or our girlfriends, and we whine and complain about the problem, hoping they will have the magical, painless answer to our situation.  Well, here’s the thing.  The answer isn’t easy, but it is simple.  Seek God’s counsel and then actually pause to listen. 

Proverbs 18:13 says “To answer before listening, that is folly and shame.”  Yet, that is exactly what many of us do.  We complain to God.  We pray that he would magically fix our situation in the way that WE say is best, and yet, we don’t actually consult the Bible to see what guidance he has for us.  We pray that God would tell us what to do about the problem, yet we don’t actually pause to listen for the Holy Spirit’s quiet whisper of guidance.

The answer is simple.  Dive into God’s Word.  It will guide you.  Psalm 119:105 says. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”   Ask God to give you direction through a quiet whisper to your spirit from the Holy Spirit, who is our counselor.  John 14:26 says (in the Amplified Bible), “But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf, He will teach you all things.”

When you’re grouchy or frustrated!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When the kids are fighting with each other, and when you overcooked the dinner, and when you shrunk your favorite new sweater…it’s pretty natural to get a bit grouchy.  In those moments, we usually need to “vent”.  Unfortunately, our husbands often get the brunt of our “venting”!  In fact, the men whom we promised to love and respect can become our scapegoats.  The tragically funny thing is then we wonder why our husbands don’t seem to enjoy being around us very much!

One husband once told me that encountering his wife as he walked in the door at the end of his work day was like walking into a buzz saw.  She was wired and churning and her tongue was sharp enough to slice right through him.  Yikes.

Yes, ladies, we all need to vent sometimes.  Some days are incredibly challenging.  But let’s pick the correct scapegoat.  If we need to talk to someone about our stress, anger, or exhaustion, let’s turn to God.  He has really broad shoulders and he’s not afraid to hear what’s on your mind.  Psalm 40:1-2 says “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”  Jesus is the correct scapegoat.  In fact, if you study the origin of the word “scapegoat”, it was the term used by the Israelites for a goat that symbolically carried their sins away.  Wow!  Jesus really is our scapegoat, and he perfectly carries our sins away, as well as our anger and frustration on a really bad day.

So when you can tell you’re grouchy, and you can feel the frustration mounting and you can tell you’re about to snap at a family member, talk to God about your irritation and frustration.  Ask Him to draw close to you.  Ask Him to tackle the thing that is frustrating you.  Just picture handing it over to Him.  Then take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, and chuckle at the enemy’s pitiful attempt to make you lose your temper!  Hah!  His stupid plan is defeated once again. You are victorious through Christ!

Drawing out the best in husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Our words are SO powerful!  If you frequently tell your husband how he’s falling short, he will likely close down emotionally and search for an escape door.  He may turn to alcohol, porn, excessive recreational pursuits, or even other women.

However, if you choose to tell him about the good things you see in him, he will begin to grow in confidence.  I believe this is why God instructs wives in Ephesians 5:33, “the wife must respect her husband“.  Your respect and admiration mean everything to your man.  If you intentionally take note of his talents as well as the effort he puts forth, and then tell him you are proud of him, his feelings of inadequacy will fall away.  He will start believing he can be successful in what he tries.  He will gain courage to try tackling even bigger things.

If you notice his positive character qualities (and every man has at least one!), and tell him how much you respect him for those qualities, he will be built up on the inside.  He will likely begin believing that he can become a man who makes a difference in his family and for God.  A wife’s words of respect and encouragement can propel her husband forward to be an even greater man than he would ever have been without her!

If you’re facing something daunting

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If we could all truly embrace the Biblical principle of taking just one day at a time, we would all be better off!  Yes, this is a Bible principle.  Jesus says in Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  In other words, instead of worrying and fretting about the “what if…” questions, Jesus tells us to just focus on doing what we should do today. 

How does this apply to you?  If it seems overwhelming to you to put your marriage back together after betrayal, just choose to move forward, one day at a time.  If you tend to avoid confronting your husband or establishing boundaries on wrong behavior because you fear the possibility of future tension, trust in Jesus and move forward, one day at a time.  If it seems daunting to take off the 50 pounds you’ve gained in recent years, don’t think about how hard this is going to be for the rest of your life. Just choose to eat healthy today and take it one day at a time.

Worrying about the future is pointless.  Being consumed by the “what if…” questions will only keep you trapped in fear.  Let’s do what Jesus says.  Let’s decide each morning to do what we know we should do that day, and let’s trust God to handle tomorrow.