healing

A decision that saves marriages

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I was just reflecting on all the couples I’ve known over the years who faced huge challenges in their marriages, but ended up pushing through the pain and obstacles to overcome and even thrive in their marriages.  Yes, some wives saw their marriage end in divorce, but many wives decided to persevere in their marriage, and they are now enjoying the fruit of that perseverance!

Here’s the truth.  We will all face times of challenge in our marriages, and during those times, it’s so tempting to throw in the towel.  How many of us have thought at one point in our marriage, “I never should have married him.”?  Thoughts of ending the marriage can be especially enticing if you’re facing a heartbreaking challenge like a husband engaging in adultery, a harmful addiction, or even abuse. 

However, I have seen many wives press through these challenges and come out victorious on the other side with a more mature husband and a much better marriage!  Sometimes, it comes down to us making the simple and yet powerful decision to persevere, to endure, to push through the difficulty as you trust in God to work in your husband’s life.

Consider Paul’s message to the church in Colossians 1:9-11 We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.

Is it possible God is asking you to persevere through the trial in your marriage?  If he is, what should you do as you wait?  Seek guidance from God’s Word, meet with a Christian counselor, and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance.  Sometimes, you may sense that you are to establish serious boundaries with your husband, which might even entail temporary separation.  Other times, God might ask you to lovingly encourage your husband and speak truth to him in areas where he has been believing lies of the enemy.  Paul also gives us some concise advice in Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

3 ways your past may be hurting you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I’ve come to realize that many women (and men) in my life are being held hostage by something in their past.  In fact, something that occurred in their past seems to be strangling the life out of them.  But this is not God’s design for me or you!  In John 10:10, Jesus said “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  So what’s the problem?  Allow me to spell out 3 common problems related to a person’s “past” that have the potential to strangle the life out of God’s people.

  1.  A person takes on a negative identity because of the way she was mistreated in the past, and continues to carry that attitude into her present day.  Perhaps her dad abandoned the family and she started to believe the lie that she was unloveable.  Maybe her boyfriend was verbally abusive and told her she was trash, and she continues to believe that lie years later.  In both cases, that person often sinks into depression or self-medicates in harmful ways, or enters into every new relationship with the expectation she will be treated as unloveable or like trash.  Obviously, such believes will strangle the life out of her.  If this is you, it’s time to ask God and godly people in your life to speak truth to you about who you really are!
  2. A person carries so much shame about their past sin, that they disqualify themselves from any future blessings or joy.  This is also a case of wrong beliefs.  If you have repented of your sin, then God has set you free to live an abundant life!  Unfortunately, we often feel so undeserving of his forgiveness that we actually reject his kindness and the abundant life Jesus died to provide!  But that’s the definition of grace…”undeserved kindness”.  That’s why God is so amazing!  Ephesians 1:7 says, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace”.  Is it time to accept and embrace God’s extravagant forgiveness and enjoy the kindness he longs to show you?
  3. Sometimes, we miss out on the abundant life God intends for us because we stubbornly cling to an old season in our life, refusing to let it go.  This sometimes happens after a divorce or death of a spouse.  In fact, I took a lot of grief from many believers when I followed God’s promptings to start dating my new husband Mark about 6 months after my beloved husband Raul passed away.  But I knew that nothing productive would happen if I allowed myself to wallow in what I had lost.  God brought this beautiful scripture to mind.  Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  19 See, I am doing a new thing!      Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”  Is it time for you to let go of a season of your life that has ended so that God can set you on an exciting new adventure?