grieving

3 insights for handling grief

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I became very familiar with deep grief back in the fall of 2021.  That’s when I unexpectedly lost my amazing husband Raul to the monster of Covid.  I had never experienced that kind of gut-wrenching grief before.  It was debilitating.  In a single moment, my world tipped upside down.  I lost my daily companion, my ministry partner, and the man who worked relentlessly to make me feel cherished.  What a loss!  It took me quite a few months to get my equilibrium back, but God graciously led me out of the valley of deep grief and into a new chapter of life.  The source of your grief may be different than mine.  Perhaps you lost a parent, or maybe your marriage ended.  We will all experience grief at some point.  The question is how do we navigate through it and come out intact on the other side?  Allow me to share 3 big things I learned along my journey.

  1. Grief is handled different by everyone and there is no “right” way to grieve.  Some people will mourn for a very short time and then choose to stop dwelling on the loss and move forward.  Others will surround themselves with reminders of the loss and find comfort in remembering all the good times shared with the person they have lost.  Don’t judge someone for grieving differently than you!  No one else can truly understand your pain or your joy.  Proverbs 14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
  2. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in grief forever!  That’s unbiblical and a plan of the enemy to oppress you!  God does not intend for his children to stay stuck in perpetual grief.  He desires to heal our broken hearts and guide us back into a place of peace, and yes, even joy.  Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Ask God to reveal the new plans he has for you in this new season, and then boldly follow his promptings because you will find fulfillment and joy in doing so.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

3 essentials of grieving a loss

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I became very familiar with deep grief back in the fall of 2021.  That’s when I unexpectedly lost my amazing husband Raul to the monster of Covid.  I had never experienced that kind of gut-wrenching grief before.  It was debilitating.  In a single moment, my world tipped upside down.  I lost my daily companion, my ministry partner, and the man who worked relentlessly to make me feel cherished.  What a loss!  It took me quite a few months to get my equilibrium back, but God graciously led me out of the valley of deep grief and into a new chapter of life.  The source of your grief may be different than mine.  Perhaps you lost a parent, or maybe your marriage ended.  We will all experience grief at some point.  The question is how do we navigate through it and come out intact on the other side?  Allow me to share 3 big things I learned along my journey.

  1. Grief is handled different by everyone and there is no “right” way to grieve.  Some people will mourn for a very short time and then choose to stop dwelling on the loss and move forward.  Others will surround themselves with reminders of the loss and find comfort in remembering all the good times shared with the person they have lost.  Don’t judge someone for grieving differently than you!  No one else can truly understand your pain or your joy.  Proverbs 14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
  2. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in grief forever!  That’s unbiblical and a plan of the enemy to oppress you!  God does not intend for his children to stay stuck in perpetual grief.  He desires to heal our broken hearts and guide us back into a place of peace, and yes, even joy.  Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Ask God to reveal the new plans he has for you in this new season, and then boldly follow his promptings because you will find fulfillment and joy in doing so.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This helps during grief and loss

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I first wrote this devotional several years ago, but I know it will help one of you today.  Here’s what I wrote:

As I’m writing this devotional on November 16, 2021, it has officially been one week since my beloved husband Raul passed away unexpectedly from covid.  My world is turned upside down.  Everything changed in an instant.  The grief was and is intense.  It comes in waves.  There is a gaping hole where we used to partner together in daily life and in ministry.  The love of my life is gone, and although I rejoice that he is with Jesus, I can’t help but feel like this is all so unfair.

Perhaps you are going through something equally as devastating; different, but still devastating. You may have a prodigal teen who is getting into trouble with drugs. You may have just received a cancer diagnosis that has rocked your world.   You and I will definitely need to grieve the losses in our lives.  Sometimes we mourn the actual loss of a loved one, and other times, we need to grieve the loss of what we thought our life or our health or our family would be like. 

This morning, when I was trying to worship God through my pain, he gently gave me a different perspective that helped me quite a bit, so I would like to share it with you in the hope that it will somehow help you even a tiny bit as well.   As I was grieving and asking him the “why did you allow this to happen” question, he whispered to me “But I gave you a gift that you didn’t deserve.  I gave you 16 wonderful years with Raul.”  Mind-blown.  Perspective shifted.  I suddenly realized that I’m a sinner who has made mistakes in my life, and yet God, in his extravagant kindness, chose to bless me with a gift I didn’t deserve…for 16 years.  It made me thankful.  Instead of sinking into depression and bitterness, I realized that God blessed me beyond measure with 16 great years. 

God’s kindness to me reminded me to stop fixating on my pain and to start thinking about what I should be truly thankful for.  Then this verse came to mind.  1 Thessalonians 5:18 “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”   Even though you are going through something painful, can you take a moment to remember ways that God has blessed you?  He IS a loving God.  He blesses us more than we deserve.