grief

3 insights for handling grief

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I became very familiar with deep grief back in the fall of 2021.  That’s when I unexpectedly lost my amazing husband Raul to the monster of Covid.  I had never experienced that kind of gut-wrenching grief before.  It was debilitating.  In a single moment, my world tipped upside down.  I lost my daily companion, my ministry partner, and the man who worked relentlessly to make me feel cherished.  What a loss!  It took me quite a few months to get my equilibrium back, but God graciously led me out of the valley of deep grief and into a new chapter of life.  The source of your grief may be different than mine.  Perhaps you lost a parent, or maybe your marriage ended.  We will all experience grief at some point.  The question is how do we navigate through it and come out intact on the other side?  Allow me to share 3 big things I learned along my journey.

  1. Grief is handled different by everyone and there is no “right” way to grieve.  Some people will mourn for a very short time and then choose to stop dwelling on the loss and move forward.  Others will surround themselves with reminders of the loss and find comfort in remembering all the good times shared with the person they have lost.  Don’t judge someone for grieving differently than you!  No one else can truly understand your pain or your joy.  Proverbs 14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
  2. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in grief forever!  That’s unbiblical and a plan of the enemy to oppress you!  God does not intend for his children to stay stuck in perpetual grief.  He desires to heal our broken hearts and guide us back into a place of peace, and yes, even joy.  Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Ask God to reveal the new plans he has for you in this new season, and then boldly follow his promptings because you will find fulfillment and joy in doing so.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God won’t waste your pain

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

No one really embraces heartbreak or suffering.  We usually do everything we can to avoid it, and we often complain to God when He doesn’t put an end to it at our first request.  But maybe he is allowing the suffering for a really good reason.  Maybe He has purpose even when he allows us to experience disappointment or even heartbreak.

I think of several stories from the Bible.  Joseph’s story in Genesis, chapters 37-50, is a prime example.  Even though Joseph endured great suffering for many years as he wrongly spent time in prison, God had a masterful plan he was executing behind the scenes….a plan that would involve Joseph rising to great power in Egypt and helping his family gain food during a famine in Israel.  I also think of the great apostles Peter and Paul.  They were beaten and thrown into prison, but God later miraculously freed them from prison and their story inspired many to follow Christ.

The Bible reveals that there is purpose in suffering and heartbreak.  Romans 5:3-5 says “…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”   So, perhaps instead of feeling sorry for ourselves or feeling anger toward God, maybe you and I should choose to trust God even in the midst of heartbreak.  Maybe we should ask God to use our suffering to build our character.  God won’t waste your heartbreak.  He will use it to do something beautiful.

3 ways to battle depression

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When life throws you an unexpected curveball, it’s pretty easy to sink into depression, bitterness, victimhood or gloom.  For some of you, that curveball is catching your husband connecting online with another woman…or your teen developing a drug addiction…or a cancer diagnosis for you or a loved one.  Personally, my biggest curveball was my husband succumbing to covid and passing away unexpectedly in 2021.  I became a widow, and suddenly by whole life changed.  My partner and companion in life was gone in an instant.  The man who made me feel so cherished and loved was gone, and a gaping hole was left in my soul.

As I was taking a walk a few months after his death and grieving with the Lord, I sensed him prompting me to do 3 things in order to move forward with joy and purpose in my life, despite the curveball that came my way.  He whispered to me, “Tackle what needs to be taken care of each day, dwell on what is actually good in your life and let yourself enjoy those things, and look for the opportunities I’m giving you each day to partner with me in expanding my kingdom and being a great reflection of Jesus.”

Wow!  As he spoke those 3 things to my heart, I could tell my mood started to shift.  Instead of focusing on the loss or the heartbreak, God was giving me the recipe to break free from gloom and embrace the purpose and joy he still had for me.  Let’s review those 3 things along with the Bible verses that correspond to each instruction:

  1. Tackle what needs to be taken care of today…just today.  Don’t focus on the “what ifs” of the future.  Matthew 6:33-34  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
  2. Focus on the blessings you DO have in your life and allow yourself to actually enjoy those things.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
  3. Ask God to show you the opportunities he has for you each day to partner with him in reflecting Jesus and expanding his kingdom.  This gives you joy and purpose!  Colossians 4:5 Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.

This helps if your heart is broken

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I first wrote this devotional several years ago, but I know it will help one of you today.  Here’s what I wrote:

As I’m writing this devotional on November 16, 2021, it has officially been one week since my beloved husband Raul passed away unexpectedly from covid.  My world is turned upside down.  Everything changed in an instant.  The grief was and is intense.  It comes in waves.  There is a gaping hole where we used to partner together in daily life and in ministry.  The love of my life is gone, and although I rejoice that he is with Jesus, I can’t help but feel like this is all so unfair.

Perhaps you are going through something equally as devastating; different, but still devastating. You may have a prodigal teen who is getting into trouble with drugs. You may have just received a cancer diagnosis that has rocked your world.   You and I will definitely need to grieve the losses in our lives.  Sometimes we mourn the actual loss of a loved one, and other times, we need to grieve the loss of what we thought our life or our health or our family would be like. 

This morning, when I was trying to worship God through my pain, he gently gave me a different perspective that helped me quite a bit, so I would like to share it with you in the hope that it will somehow help you even a tiny bit as well.   As I was grieving and asking him the “why did you allow this to happen” question, he whispered to me “But I gave you a gift that you didn’t deserve.  I gave you 16 wonderful years with Raul.”  Mind-blown.  Perspective shifted.  I suddenly realized that I’m a sinner who has made mistakes in my life, and yet God, in his extravagant kindness, chose to bless me with a gift I didn’t deserve…for 16 years.  It made me thankful.  Instead of sinking into depression and bitterness, I realized that God blessed me beyond measure with 16 great years. 

God’s kindness to me reminded me to stop fixating on my pain and to start thinking about what I should be truly thankful for.  Then this verse came to mind.  1 Thessalonians 5:18 “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”   Even though you are going through something painful, can you take a moment to remember ways that God has blessed you?  He IS a loving God.  He blesses us more than we deserve.

The good news in dark valleys

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

None of us welcomes emotional pain and heartbreak.  Yet, on this earth, we know we will encounter trials and pain. Often, that pain is experienced in our marriage.  We can get really frustrated that God doesn’t seem to be answering our prayer to “fix” our marriage or husband!   But Jesus never promised he would take away all our problems during our temporary stay on earth.  In fact, he said in John 16:33 “in this world you will have trouble.”  Fantastic.

However, if you look closely, you will discover two rays of sunshine in the midst of your darkest hours.  First, Jesus finishes that verse in John 16:33 by saying, “But take heart!  I have overcome the world“.  That is a great reminder that though we will have temporary troubles here, Jesus has prepared an eternal destination for us that will be completely free of heartbreak and suffering.  It will be glorious beyond our imagination! 

Secondly, and here’s the point I really wanted to make….it is at the time of our biggest heartbreak that we often experience God’s presence in a way we’ve never known before.  When we choose to cry out to him and seek him during our time of grief and suffering, he promises to come close.  Very close.  Psalm 34:18 says “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit“.  If you’re in the middle of a really difficult time in your marriage, don’t miss the opportunity to draw close to God and encounter his love, compassion and comfort at a spectacular level!

7 words when others hurt you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment


We’re all going to be hurt by others during the course of our lives, sometimes over and over again! The question is not “How do I avoid being hurt by others” because you can’t control other people. The real question to ask is, “How can I heal and move on with hope, peace and joy?” Over many years of helping women, and after recovering from numerous heartbreaking offenses myself, I’ve come to realize that seven words are key.
The first 3 words are: That was wrong. You need to be able to tell your story to a compassionate listener who then validates the wound by saying those precious words, “That was wrong”. Something very healing happens the moment someone else listens to your story, shows empathy for the pain you suffered, and then validates that the person who wounded you was wrong to do so. This is Biblical. 1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” You need to hear those words, “That was wrong.” So, ask God to lead you to that person who can be a compassionate listener to your story.
However, after you’ve told your story to that compassionate listener, and after a short time of grieving your pain with the Lord, you then need to move on to the other 4 words: Pivot from your pain. Far too many people get stuck in their pain and subconsciously develop a victim identity. This is NOT God’s plan for you! God doesn’t intend for you to be sidelined with grief, mired down in hopelessness, or burdened with a victim mindset. He actually instructs you to forget the past and turn forward with hopeful anticipation! Isaiah 43:18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing!”
So, after receiving empathy from that compassionate listener, stubbornly pivot from the pain and look forward. Ask God to show you the purposes He has for you this day, purposes that will bring you joy and peace. God has good plans for you! Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Get unstuck with my new book!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Do you feel stuck in some area of your life? Perhaps you feel stuck in dysfunctional patterns, or stuck in paralyzing insecurity, or stuck in resentment, or stuck in grief. Maybe you just can’t get past trauma you experienced years ago. You want to move forward and gain hope, but you just don’t know how to get there.
I’ve been there! I experienced years of sexual abuse and trauma as a child. I know the heartbreak of divorce after 18 years of marriage. I know the grief of losing a much-loved second husband to covid. I understand staying stuck in dysfunctional patterns and insecurity. However, I’m no longer stuck there. God has set me free!
My freedom began as God continued to whisper the word “pivot” to my soul. Every time I would revisit painful memories and insecurities, I would hear God gently nudging me to leave the past behind and move forward with hope as I held tightly to His hand. He walked me out of darkness and into light every single time. All praise to our loving Savior! A key verse God highlighted for me is Isaiah 43:18-19 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”
I long to share what God taught me so that you can also break free. That’s why I just published my first book called “Pivot”. I urge you to check it out. You can find it on Amazon by simply typing “Debbie Chavez” into the search. This is not some kind of get-rich scheme. 50% of the proceeds will go directly to the Squadron of Sisters ministry. I simply long for you to gain the same freedom, hope and joy that God has given me. Amen!

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

4 keys to bouncing back

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

When I was little, there was a popular and fun toy called a Bozo the Clown Bop Bag.  It was a 4 foot tall inflatable Bozo the clown that had weight at the bottom of the bag so that when you punched it, it fell over but then it bounced back upright.

Now that I have decades of experience under my belt, I see quite an analogy between that bop bag and our walk with the Lord.  We ARE the bop bag!   Satan throws the punches.  But if we are smart, we’ve developed such a strong relationship with Jesus that he becomes the weight at the bottom of the bag that helps us pop back up after Satan has thrown a big punch!

Here are 4 big keys to having enough weight at the bottom of your bop bag so that you can bounce back up after adversity or heartbreak:

  1. Remind yourself that God loves you and will bring something good out of every challenging situation.  Romans 8:28  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
  2. Remind yourself that you are never alone, and that God has promised to stay by your side through all difficulties, fears and heartbreaks.  Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
  3. Train yourself to pivot from self-focus to kingdom focus.  In other words, if I focus on how I am disappointed, sad, hurt, fearful, rejected, etc…then I will stay stuck in self-pity and depression.  But if I remember that there are more important things than me, such as blessing others, pointing others to Christ and expanding God’s kingdom…then I will begin to find renewed purpose, fulfillment, and joy.  Colossians 3:1-2 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
  4. Ask God if there are any dysfunctional or unhelpful patterns that you need to change so that you don’t keep falling into the same pit of despair or keep banging your head against the wall for no good reason!!  Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.

3 essentials of grieving a loss

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I became very familiar with deep grief back in the fall of 2021.  That’s when I unexpectedly lost my amazing husband Raul to the monster of Covid.  I had never experienced that kind of gut-wrenching grief before.  It was debilitating.  In a single moment, my world tipped upside down.  I lost my daily companion, my ministry partner, and the man who worked relentlessly to make me feel cherished.  What a loss!  It took me quite a few months to get my equilibrium back, but God graciously led me out of the valley of deep grief and into a new chapter of life.  The source of your grief may be different than mine.  Perhaps you lost a parent, or maybe your marriage ended.  We will all experience grief at some point.  The question is how do we navigate through it and come out intact on the other side?  Allow me to share 3 big things I learned along my journey.

  1. Grief is handled different by everyone and there is no “right” way to grieve.  Some people will mourn for a very short time and then choose to stop dwelling on the loss and move forward.  Others will surround themselves with reminders of the loss and find comfort in remembering all the good times shared with the person they have lost.  Don’t judge someone for grieving differently than you!  No one else can truly understand your pain or your joy.  Proverbs 14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.
  2. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in grief forever!  That’s unbiblical and a plan of the enemy to oppress you!  God does not intend for his children to stay stuck in perpetual grief.  He desires to heal our broken hearts and guide us back into a place of peace, and yes, even joy.  Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Ask God to reveal the new plans he has for you in this new season, and then boldly follow his promptings because you will find fulfillment and joy in doing so.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This helps during grief and loss

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I first wrote this devotional several years ago, but I know it will help one of you today.  Here’s what I wrote:

As I’m writing this devotional on November 16, 2021, it has officially been one week since my beloved husband Raul passed away unexpectedly from covid.  My world is turned upside down.  Everything changed in an instant.  The grief was and is intense.  It comes in waves.  There is a gaping hole where we used to partner together in daily life and in ministry.  The love of my life is gone, and although I rejoice that he is with Jesus, I can’t help but feel like this is all so unfair.

Perhaps you are going through something equally as devastating; different, but still devastating. You may have a prodigal teen who is getting into trouble with drugs. You may have just received a cancer diagnosis that has rocked your world.   You and I will definitely need to grieve the losses in our lives.  Sometimes we mourn the actual loss of a loved one, and other times, we need to grieve the loss of what we thought our life or our health or our family would be like. 

This morning, when I was trying to worship God through my pain, he gently gave me a different perspective that helped me quite a bit, so I would like to share it with you in the hope that it will somehow help you even a tiny bit as well.   As I was grieving and asking him the “why did you allow this to happen” question, he whispered to me “But I gave you a gift that you didn’t deserve.  I gave you 16 wonderful years with Raul.”  Mind-blown.  Perspective shifted.  I suddenly realized that I’m a sinner who has made mistakes in my life, and yet God, in his extravagant kindness, chose to bless me with a gift I didn’t deserve…for 16 years.  It made me thankful.  Instead of sinking into depression and bitterness, I realized that God blessed me beyond measure with 16 great years. 

God’s kindness to me reminded me to stop fixating on my pain and to start thinking about what I should be truly thankful for.  Then this verse came to mind.  1 Thessalonians 5:18 “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”   Even though you are going through something painful, can you take a moment to remember ways that God has blessed you?  He IS a loving God.  He blesses us more than we deserve.