God

If you’re considering divorce

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Having a rough time in your marriage?  Do you wish you’d never married your husband?  Our society makes it very easy to throw in the towel and divorce.  Divorce might seem very tempting, but let me tell you from personal experience; it’s really hard on your children.  Actually, it’s devastating for them.  Yes, God can heal them over time, but your children will always carry a deep emotional scar.  Whoever started the rumor that kids can bounce back from divorce was lying!

I’m not saying that a woman should never divorce her husband.  The Bible certainly gives a clear allowance for divorce in Matthew 19:9 where Jesus says “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”  Jesus clearly states that when a spouse has cheated on you sexually, divorce is permissible.  After many years of studying the Bible, I also believe God permits a woman to divorce her husband when he grossly sins against his wife through continuing physical or emotional abuse.  After all, God instructs us in Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life“.  After years of severe emotional or physical abuse, a woman can become a mere shell of a human being.  I don’t believe that is God’s will for anyone.  Throughout the Bible, we see that God is more concerned with mercy than merely following rules.

All this being said, please do everything you can to fight for your marriage.  Don’t give up easily.  Don’t let bitterness grow.  Work to resolve issues before your heart grows so cold that you don’t feel like working to save your marriage. You may possibly need to separate from your husband in order to bring his attention to the seriousness of the problem, but your goal should be reconciliation and restoration of your marriage. Find a good counselor.  Get a mentor couple.  Read the Bible.  Pray continually.  Don’t give up on your marriage too easily.  If for no other reason, fight for your marriage on behalf of your children.

Priorities for a Christian woman

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Lots of Christian women wonder what their priorities should be.  Should husband come before kids?  Should financial security come before family time?  Should house-keeping come before leisure time?  Well, I’m not going to answer those specific questions because I’ve learned they are the wrong questions!  When it comes to priorities, God is urging all of us to put his kingdom purposes and plans above ALL else!  Colossians 3:2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

It’s such a simple and concise instruction from the Lord, but make no mistake, it’s hard to carry out!  Our fleshly desires cry out for us to focus on personal happiness, and financial security, and “success” for our children, and luxurious vacations, and a new wardrobe.  Our culture, through both advertisements and social media, constantly reminds us that we should have it all.  We deserve it all. 

However, God is calling us to place Him above everything and everyone else.  He is desperate for people who are desperate for Him.  He’s calling us to repentance.  He’s calling us to pray continually.  He’s calling us to loosen our grip on our money and possessions and to give to the poor.  He’s calling us to honor and obey Him as our first priority.  We say we want revival, but are we earnestly seeking the Lord above all else?  We get some great clues about what leads to revival when we look at what the early followers of Jesus did immediately after he ascended to heaven following his resurrection.  Read Acts 2:38-47 to get inspired! 

By the way, you’ll likely find that as you seek the Lord above all else, you will become a more peaceful wife and mom!

Course-correct your relationships

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If you’re a follower of Jesus, you can expect that God is constantly transforming you to be more like his son Jesus.  His Holy Spirit is gently but consistently convicting us of both known sins and subtle sin patterns in our lives, and he’s urging us to turn from those patterns. He’s urging us to choose to be more Christ-like.  2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory    For me, he’s been slowly and gently convicting me and transforming me in the area of subtle self-focus.  And I know I’m not alone in this pattern!! 

We ALL tend to be subtly self-centered in our relationships.  We want and expect others to make us happy, do things our way, commend our wonderful deeds, make us feel valuable, always treat us fairly, make us feel loved, and on and on.   However, as we become more mature Christ-followers, God is urging us to be Christ-like in our relationships.  He’s asking us to do what’s best for others instead of focusing on how others should treat us better!  Take a moment to really absorb what God is saying to us in Philippians 2:3-7  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:  6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant…

What does this look like in your relationships?  How is God asking you to course-correct?  It might mean actually confronting a loved one caught in sin and discontinuing a conflict-avoider pattern where you’ve made it easy for that person to stay stuck in a destructive sin.  It may mean choosing to reflect Christ around your rude boss by being kind and humble no matter how he treats you.  It may mean using a respectful tone with your husband even when he has disappointed you.

Reflecting Christ in every relationship is challenging for sure, but the eternal rewards are worth it, AND, you may very well find when you get to heaven one day that your Christ-like interactions with others impacted people so much that they became true followers of Jesus as well!

Learning to wait…patiently!

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Are you in a waiting phase?  Maybe you’re waiting for God to answer your prayer regarding your husband.  Maybe you’re waiting for your rebellious child, stubborn child to finally become mature.  Maybe you’re waiting for your heart to heal after being betrayed by your husband.  Whatever the thing you’re waiting for, I think we can all agree that waiting is hard!  It’s hard because we have to be patient, and let’s be honest; most of us aren’t very good with the whole patience virtue.  These two realizations have helped me learn to be a bit more patient when I have to wait. 

1)  God’s timing is often very different than what I think it should be, yet He is always faithful to show up.  Psalm 40:1-2  “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth…” 

2)  Some of the great women of the Bible had to wait and wait and wait before finally experiencing a HUGE answer to their prayers.  Sarah, Rebekah, Hannah, Rachel, and more all had to wait ridiculously long periods of time before God finally allowed them to give birth.  But when their prayers were finally answered, oh my!  They gave birth to some of the giants of the Bible:  Isaac, Jacob, Samuel, Joseph.  In other words, what they experienced in the end was well worth the wait. 🙂

Signs you are truly a loving wife!

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I don’t know about you, but I tend to think I’m a pretty amazing wife!  I mean I try to be respectful.  I try to keep the house clean and tidy.  I cook meals and bake sugary things I think my husband would like. I try to remember to encourage my husband from time to time. I’m faithful.  So, I’m doing great, right? 

Well, I was recently convicted when I happened to be reading a familiar passage of the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13.  In that passage, God explains what true love looks like.  As I read the passage more slowly than usual, I realized that I have quite a bit of room for growth when it comes to loving my husband well!  Maybe you have room for growth too.

I urge you to read the following description of love very slowly.  Linger over each facet of love that God is calling us to display.  Honestly ask the Holy Spirit to show you how you’re doing. Do you regularly display the signs of true love to your husband?  I bet God will highlight some areas where you could do better.  God is not mad at you.  We are all a work in progress, but let’s commit to making progress!! 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)  Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Don’t fall for counterfeit comfort

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All wives inevitably hit a rough patch or two in their marriage.  In fact, there will likely be moments when you think “Why did I even marry this man?!”  He may break a little piece of your heart when he forgets your anniversary, or is overly harsh with the kids, or develops a habit of satisfying himself while viewing pornography instead of making love to you.  At these moments, you need comfort for your broken heart.

It’s our tendency to reach for something easy and tangible as a source of comfort.  You might try to find some joy in buying lots of new clothes. You and I might turn to excessive food.  But neither one of those choices truly comforts us.  They actually lead to additional grief in the long run!  Instead, we need to train ourselves to run to God at those heart-breaking moments.  He is waiting with open arms.  Plus, Jesus knows what it feels like to suffer grief, betrayal, and a broken heart.

I love these two verses of comfort.  Psalm 103:2-4 “Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits; who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion”.  And Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”.  Meditate on those 2 verses and ask God to come close to you.  He will, and I believe you will experience the warmth of his love! 

One additional tip:  I’ve found it especially helpful to find a quiet place of solitude (no cell phone, no noise!) where I can just sit with the Lord in stillness for 5 or 10 minutes, letting his peace and comfort wash over me.

Jesus cares about your distress

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We all go through challenging days…whether in your marriage, with your kids, with finances, at your job, etc.  It’s at those times; we tend to feel so alone.  We desperately need to know that God notices our distress.  We need to know that He is with us and that He cares.

Well, despite what Satan is whispering in your ear…that nobody cares…that you’re all alone…that your broken heart will never get better…the Bible tells a different story!  I find so much comfort in these verses:

  • The Lord is close to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18)
  • Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)
  • You are the God who sees me (Genesis 16:13)
  • He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3)
  • Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.  Psalm 103:2-4

How to get unstuck & move forward

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Do you feel stuck in some area of your life?  Perhaps you feel stuck in dysfunctional patterns, or stuck in paralyzing insecurity, or stuck in resentment, or stuck in grief.  Maybe you just can’t get past trauma you experienced years ago.  You want to move forward and gain hope, but you just don’t know how to get there.

I’ve been there!  I experienced years of sexual abuse and trauma as a child.  I know the heartbreak of divorce after 18 years of marriage. I know the grief of losing a much-loved second husband to covid.  I understand staying stuck in dysfunctional patterns and insecurity.  However, I’m no longer stuck there.  God has set me free! 

My freedom began as God continued to whisper the word “pivot” to my soul.  Every time I would revisit painful memories and insecurities, I would hear God gently nudging me to leave the past behind and move forward with hope as I held tightly to His hand.  He walked me out of darkness and into light every single time.  All praise to our loving Savior!  A key verse God highlighted for me is Isaiah 43:18-19  “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

I long to share what God taught me so that you can also break free.  That’s why I just published my first book called “Pivot”.  I urge you to check it out.  You can find it on Amazon by simply typing “Debbie Chavez” into the search.  This is not some kind of get-rich scheme.  50% of the proceeds will go directly to the Squadron of Sisters ministry.  I simply long for you to gain the same freedom, hope and joy that God has given me.  Amen!

One way to rid stress from your home

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Is there a lot of tension in your home?  Are you or your husband stressed much of the time?  There’s likely an imbalance in one or both of your lives!  I know that was sometimes the case for me and my husband Raul over the years.  In our situation, we got so bent on running ministries, counseling others, and helping take care of grandchildren that there was little to no time at all for us to simply relax and get filled back up.  God didn’t intend for us to be so “driven” that we became grouchy, irritable, cantankerous people!

On the other hand, Satan wants you to be so busy that you become stressed, pay no attention to nurturing your marriage or yourself, and then both you and your marriage slowly wither and die.  But Jesus says He wants us to enjoy life to the full!  Meditate on what Jesus says in John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”.

All work and no play is a formula for disaster.  We need to intentionally carve out some “down time” for rest, recreation and fun.  When my husband and I could feel the stress mounting, we would choose to get away for a day or a weekend.  We relaxed, and it was rejuvenating!  Our stress level decreased.   My goodness, even Jesus needed to get away from the stress of his work to spend quiet time alone.  Luke 5:16 says Jesus “often withdrew to desolate places and prayed”   Is there an adjustment you need to make in your schedule or a weekend get-away that you need to plan for you and your husband?

How to make it through challenges

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

It’s inevitable.  You will eventually hit some rough patches in your marriage, and in your life in general.  So how do you hang on and press through those storms?  If your husband is caught in a pattern of sin against you, you will need to respectfully confront the problem.  If you guys just plain disagree on how to handle something, you’ll have to work for a compromise.  But when the situation in your marriage seems hopeless, or when a challenge in life feels insurmountable, that’s when we have to learn to persevere.

One huge key for me in terms of perseverance is reflecting on the many times in the past that God has answered my cries for help.  When I look back and take an inventory of the miracles he’s performed in my life and the times when he clearly orchestrated events…then my faith is increased.  As my faith increases, I can more easily persevere through the current crisis.  By recalling the past deeds of God in my life, I find peace knowing that He was in control then and He’s still in control now.  This is the counsel given to us in Psalm 77:11-12 “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.  I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

One of the best ways to remember the past deeds of the Lord is to write down “God-sightings” in a journal. I have a journal filled with little notes about answered prayers or “God-wink” moments where I can see that God orchestrated something amazing in my life.  I re-read these entries several times a year, and my faith is increased once again.  As my faith in God builds, I can persevere more easily during my current trial.  Do you have a “God-sighting” journal?