Beware of this marriage destroyer

August 7, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

From both personal experience and counseling wives in crisis, I can say with certainty that allowing resentment to go unchecked spells doom for a marriage! Think about it. If you are really upset with your husband about something, or really frustrated with him, or hurt by his behavior…do you respectfully discuss your feelings and concerns with him? Do you courageously deal with the issue, or do you tend to stuff it under the rug, hoping things will just magically get better?

If you’re a conflict avoider, it’s so very easy to stuff instead of confront! It FEELS safer and more peaceful to just hope that your husband changes his behavior. That way you won’t have any tense moments and you won’t get in a “fight”. Unfortunately, if you say nothing, nothing is likely to actually change. Sometimes a husband doesn’t even know what his wife is upset about! And here’s the real problem. If you don’t address your resentment, it will grow bigger and bigger and bigger until you are likely to explode months or years down the line. That resentment will have turned your heart cold and hard toward your husband, and you may end up saying those fateful words “I’m done”. Don’t let it get this far!

Your husband needs you to calmly and respectfully explain why you are upset and what you are asking him to change. He may disagree, but then you guys can talk about it. Talk it through. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you courage and the timing and the right words to bring up the concern with your husband…soon. Seek a counselor’s help if you need to. Just make sure you don’t let your resentment go unaddressed. As Hebrews 12:15 say, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Don’t let a bitter root start growing that ends up causing big trouble!

Letting go is a must in marriage

May 21, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I wonder how many marriages have been destroyed because one or both spouses refused to let go of an old offense, disappointment or sin of their mate? It’s likely that the vast majority of divorces resulted from toxic resentment, stemming from the inability to let go of old offenses!

I know it’s so tempting to dwell on your husband’s failures or past sins against you, but if you allow yourself to do that, your heart will become consumed with resentment. And I think we all know that resentment usually becomes poisonous to both you and the relationship. Hebrews 12:15 puts it this way “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many”.

Also, when you keep bringing up that old sin, betrayal, disappointment or offense to your husband, you will slowly crush his spirit, and he will likely pull away from any further close connection with you. That’s not exactly helpful to you, him or the relationship!

Now if your husband is CURRENTLY engaged in a betrayal or pattern of sin against you, you should seek wise counsel as you will likely need to confront the issue and establish firm boundaries.

However, if your husband is no longer engaged in a pattern of sin or betrayal, and if he shows some signs of repentance, you MUST choose to forgive him and leave the past in the past. It is not helpful to keep wanting to talk to him about it. It’s not helpful for you to keep bringing it up and throwing it in his face when you are disappointed or annoyed with him. Let it go.

Forgive as God forgave you. Does God keep on bringing up your past sin and throwing it in your face? No, he doesn’t. Does God keep discussing your past failures with you, going over all the details of your past sin? No, he doesn’t. He chooses to forgive completely. Let us do likewise.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

2 big pitfalls when looking back

March 24, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

There are a lot of dangers for a wife who gives into the temptation to look backward. Allow me to reveal two specific ways in which we tend to look backward, as well as the resulting danger.

1) Since almost the beginning of creation, we’ve had a tendency to want to look back at our past. I think of Lot’s wife who looked back at Sodom and Gomorrah and suffered for that decision by being turned into a pillar of salt! God may have asked us to move forward in serving him, or perhaps we’ve entered a new relationship, but we tend to look back with longing at how things used to be. In modern day, many wives are tempted to “look back” at their old high school boyfriend by checking them out on Facebook. But that is dangerous. It opens the door to make a connection that can slowly develop into something that pulls you away from your husband.

2) As wives, we also tend to “look back” at the past failures or sins of our husbands. We often replay the hurtful incident over and over again, even 10 or 20 years later! That always ends badly. Resentment rises up again and causes continuing damage in the relationship. We need to have a forward gaze. Philippians 3:13-14 says, ” Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Deal with any sinful behavior going on today, but let’s decide to leave the past in the past.

Handling devil-inspired thoughts

February 24, 2025Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Don’t you sometimes wish you could silence the voices in your head? You may hear the voice that runs you down and reminds you of your failures…or conversely, you may hear a voice that tells you your husband is a loser and you’re doomed to a life of misery. Either kind of thought is from the pit of hell!

We MUST examine every thought rolling around in our heads and determine whether it’s true or whether it’s a twisting of the truth that’s inspired by Satan. Remember, Satan’s mission is “to steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10). He wants to slowly crush you with the weight of his lies about your value, your future and your husband.

2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to “take every thought captive” and we really need to do that. The next time a self-deprecating thought enters your mind, stop and ask God if this is really true. (I bet it won’t be!) The next time a hopeless thought enters your mind, ask God if it’s true. (I know it won’t be!). The next time you have the thought that your husband is beyond redemption, ask God if that’s true. (Absolutely not!). It’s time we stopped believing every thought that pops into our minds! We must intentionally pause and ask God whether that thought is true or from the devil. Here’s a simple, but hugely clarifying, question to ask yourself in that moment: “Does this sound like something God would say?”

Do you hit the replay button?

October 31, 2024Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Do you keep replaying your husband’s past mistakes over and over again in your mind? Do you find yourself dwelling on how he’s disappointed you in the past? Let it go! Thoughts like that become toxic…to you and your marriage. Hebrews 12:15 makes this point: “See to it that no bitter root grows up among you to cause trouble and defile many.” If you keep rehearsing your husband’s past failures, you will end up growing more and more resentful of your husband. The resulting bitterness acts like poison to your own heart. You become a dried up, miserable woman.

Even more damage is caused when you verbalize those past mistakes to your husband. Yet many wives do that. They repeatedly bring up their man’s past mistakes and almost wield them as a weapon against their husband. His heart gets sliced and diced in the process. His heart becomes poisoned against his wife as well.

It’s time to decide to release your husband from his past failures. The Bible is pretty clear about your need to release bitterness and resentment. Ephesians 4:31 says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger…” Sochoose to exercise the same grace God has given you!! News flash: You’re not perfect either. By the way, releasing your man from his past mistakes doesn’t mean you should ignore current sin. If he is currently sinning against you, determine to respectfully confront him and work through the problem, perhaps with the help of a counselor or pastor.