frustrating

3 ways to handle a bad day

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Sometimes, life just gets plain hard.  You forget to pay a bill on time and get hit with a giant “late fee”.  You catch your husband looking at pornography.  You teenager lies to you.  Your child accidentally drops an entire jog of milk on the kitchen floor.  Ugh!

At times like these, it’s easy to feel weighed down.  It’s so common for us to give into despair and depression.  But instead of conceding defeat, we can regain our spiritual equilibrium by practicing 3 things: 

1) Recognize this is a scheme of the enemy to try to steal, kill or destroy your joy  (John 10:10 “the thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy“)

2)  Remind your soul of the enemy’s inability against our mighty God (1 John 4:4 “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.“)  *Sometimes I even laugh at Satan’s pitiful attempts to drag me down!  I like putting him back in his place!

3) Trust that God will carry you through this challenge and even redeem the circumstances so that something good comes about in the long run. God is an expert at turning lemons into lemonade! (Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.”)

Are you frustrated with husband?

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

If you’ve been married for more than a few months, you’ve likely experienced frustration with your husband on occasion. Sometimes the frustrations are over little annoying habits. Other times, your frustration may mount over bigger behavior issues, such as a tendency to spend money wildly or be too controlling or drink too much alcohol.


There are definitely times when God may prompt you to have a serious talk with your husband about destructive behaviors. However, I’ve learned that sometimes, God wants me to simply consider why my husband is acting the way he is. In other words, God wants me to strive to be compassionate and understanding. People always have a reason for why they behave the way they do. When I pause for a moment to ask the Holy Spirit to give me insight, I’ve frequently sensed the Holy Spirit showing me an underlying reason, such as insecurity, or a need to be respected, or a need for comfort after a hard day. When that happens, I immediately find myself more compassionate and less frustrated!


God instructs us in 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. So, the next time your husband does something really frustrating, pause and ask God if you are to say something and maybe even establish a boundary on destructive behavior, but also be sure and ask God to give you compassion and understanding as to why your husband is acting that way. Compassion trumps judgment every time! Or as the Bible puts it in James 2:13 Mercy triumphs over judgment.

Handling irritation with your husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Are there some little things your husband does that drive you nuts?  You’re not alone!  I was talking about conflict resolution with a group of wives recently and we started sharing some of the little things our husbands do that irritate us.  We laughed and laughed because some of the things that were really getting under our skin are actually just plain funny when you pause to think about them.  One wife shared her frustration with dirty socks taken off and left at the front door.  Another wife shared her irritation with her husband about his habit of folding sopping wet towels instead of hanging them to dry. 

As we vented our frustration, two things became clear.  First, none of these annoying little things actually matter!  They are not sinful behaviors at all. They’re just irritating (and possibly a little weird. Lol). Secondly, if we were to continue complaining about these things to our husbands, they would likely view that as nagging, which is pretty unattractive to most husbands!  Proverbs 21:19 puts it this way, “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”  Ouch!

Maybe it’s time for you to choose to chuckle about some of the frustrating and irritating little things your husband does instead of complaining and criticizing.  Both you and your husband will probably be happier!

**or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW

Avoiding frustration with husband

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Even if you have a great marriage, we will all experience moments of frustration with our husbands from time to time.  Well, one key to resolving those frustrations (and avoiding them in the future) is to understand the cause.  In my experience, the cause is typically “unmet expectations”.   We consciously or even subconsciously expect our husbands to act in a certain way, and when they don’t, we get really frustrated!

So, here’s a nugget of wisdom that may be the remedy.  Clearly communicate your expectations and desires to your husband!  Duh!  I know this sounds too simple, but honestly, we are often at fault for holding expectations but failing to clearly reveal those expectations to our men.    We act like husbands are mind-readers and should “just know”.  News flash:  Most men don’t “just know”.  They don’t think like women, and they don’t know what you expect and desire from them.  In fact, when we fail to communicate what we want, we’re not really being honest with them. 

Maybe it’s time to bless your husband by being honest about your expectations and desires.  Proverbs 24:26 says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips“!!  Start to clearly communicate your expectations to your man.  Now, your husband may disagree with your expectations, and that’s okay.  That’s an opportunity for the two of you to sit down and discuss your respective opinions and work toward a compromise.  But at least you’ll be on the same page and understand each other’s expectations!

Avoiding crazy cycles in marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

In every marriage, there will certainly be times where you find yourself disappointed or frustrated with your husband.  The question isn’t…how can you and I avoid those challenging times?  The question is…how are we going to respond to the challenge?

I’ve met many wives who allow themselves to sink into self-pity or get all riled up with anger toward their husband.  Neither one of those responses is helpful!  In fact, a crazy cycle begins in the marriage.  The wife lets her husband know how disappointed she is in him…he feels like a failure so he either responds with mean words or withdraws…she gets even more disappointed…and the cycle continues!  Please allow me to suggest a couple of new ways to look at those times when your husband has frustrated or disappointed you:

Instead of focusing solely on what he’s doing wrong, choose to rejoice in what he’s doing right.  This is the essence of Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”  In other words, instead of developing a sour taste in your mouth by dwelling on his every fault, choose to look at your husband as a work in progress.  God doesn’t transform a person overnight (including you!).  So, choose to relish in the sweetness of every good thing your husband does and every good choice he makes.  For your soul, it will be like sipping on sweet lemonade instead of sucking on bitter lemons.

P.S.  You’ll look a lot more attractive to your husband when your mouth isn’t puckered up like you’ve been sucking on sour lemons!

P.S.S. If your husband is WAY out of bounds with his behavior and actually sinning against you, you may need to establish some firm boundaries, while at the same time choosing to remind yourself of his good qualities as well!

Messed-up people

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Aren’t “messed up” people annoying?  I’m sure you have a few in your life, perhaps your husband, an in-law, a coworker or even someone at church.  We shake our heads at these people, wondering why they can’t seem to get their act together.  We are disgusted by their sinful choices or behavior.  Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, as Christians, we can easily fall into this pattern of thinking.  We start to become self-righteous and judgmental.  We notice everyone else’s flaws and sin, but feel pretty good about ourselves.  But this is not how Jesus acted at all while he walked on this earth.  In fact, he was drawn to messed-up people!

Luke 5:29-32 Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. 30 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”  31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Perhaps it’s time for you and me to stop judging others and looking down our noses at sinners, especially people we encounter at church.  In fact, if anyone we know (husband, in-law, coworker, neighbor) is actually attending church, we should be thrilled, not disgusted by their sin.  The fact that anyone walks into a church or Bible study is evidence that the Holy Spirit is working in the life of that person.  So instead of judging that person for failing to be perfect yet, perhaps we should encourage them and pray for them and give the Holy Spirit time to work.  That is what Jesus did.  Maybe we should do that too.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW