forgive

Become an unoffendable woman!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Here’s a small but potent tip for improving all your relationships.  This tip will also improve your countenance!  Instead of being a sour-faced, bitter-looking woman, your face will exude peace, contentment, and calm.

Here’s the tip, and it’s actually straight from the Bible.  Stop being so easily offended!  Proverbs 19:11 in the NIV says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”  The NLT translation puts it this way, “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.”

This theme of overlooking offenses is repeated in the New Testament. 1 Peter 4:8 (amplified translation) says, “Above all, have fervent and unfailing love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins [it overlooks unkindness and unselfishly seeks the best for others].”

Think about it for a minute.  Do you take offense too quickly?  I’m not saying that you should willingly put yourself in situations where you are likely to be abused (verbally or in any way), but God instructs us over and over again to refrain from being easily offended and to keep no record of wrongs does against us.  In the Bible’s famous definition of love, found in 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4 says: It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured.

What is God highlighting to you in these Scriptures?  I know He is using these passages to convict me.  He’s showing me that I will have greater peace in relationships if I stop allowing myself to become offended when people don’t treat me exactly how I think they should.  He’s showing me that I will have greater peace in my soul when I stop dwelling on perceived offenses and focus on loving Him and loving others well. What’s He showing you?

Forgiving relatives who hurt you

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Wounds received by a person in close relationship with you are especially damaging.  Whether it’s your mom, your husband, your sister or your grandpa….when a loved one says something or does something hurtful, the wound cuts exceptionally deep.  After all, you were supposed to be able to trust that relative to love you!  As a result, we’re often stunned when their behavior cuts like a knife instead.

As a believer, we know we’re instructed by God to forgive those who sin against us, but that’s quite a heavy-lift when the person who sinned against us was supposed to be a person we could totally trust.  So, how do we forgive a relative who has sinned against us?  Here are 4 quick insights from the Bible.

  1. It’s essential that you remind yourself that both you and that relative are sinners and you both are in need of mercy and grace!  Sometimes, we conveniently forget that we have also let people down or sinned against people in the past.  Once you remind yourself that you too are a sinner, it’s much easier to forgive that other person, because they kind of resemble you!  Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
  2. Pray for God to give you a compassionate heart and unconditional love for that relative, because that’s how God treats you and I, even though we are sinners.  Psalm 103:8 “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love.”
  3. Make the decision to release that relative from your desire to punish them or seek revenge for what they did to you.   This is what God instructs in Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 
  4. Because trust has been broken in a close relationship, ask God (and perhaps some godly mentors) whether you should have any boundaries with that relative moving forward.  If staying in close relationship with this person could cause serious physical, emotional, mental or spiritual harm to you, God may want you to keep your distance, at least for a period of time.  Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.

Letting go is a must in marriage

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I wonder how many marriages have been destroyed because one or both spouses refused to let go of an old offense, disappointment or sin of their mate?  It’s likely that the vast majority of divorces resulted from toxic resentment, stemming from the inability to let go of old offenses!

I know it’s so tempting to dwell on your husband’s failures or past sins against you, but if you allow yourself to do that, your heart will become consumed with resentment.  And I think we all know that resentment usually becomes poisonous to both you and the relationship.  Hebrews 12:15 puts it this way “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many”.

Also, when you keep bringing up that old sin, betrayal, disappointment or offense to your husband, you will slowly crush his spirit, and he will likely pull away from any further close connection with you.  That’s not exactly helpful to you, him or the relationship!

Now if your husband is CURRENTLY engaged in a betrayal or pattern of sin against you, you should seek wise counsel as you will likely need to confront the issue and establish firm boundaries.

However, if your husband is no longer engaged in a pattern of sin or betrayal, and if he shows some signs of repentance, you MUST choose to forgive him and leave the past in the past.  It is not helpful to keep wanting to talk to him about it.  It’s not helpful for you to keep bringing it up and throwing it in his face when you are disappointed or annoyed with him.  Let it go. 

Forgive as God forgave you.  Does God keep on bringing up your past sin and throwing it in your face?  No, he doesn’t.  Does God keep discussing your past failures with you, going over all the details of your past sin?  No, he doesn’t. He chooses to forgive completely.  Let us do likewise.

** or view this topic as a 3 minute VIDEO BELOW

Forgiveness and boundaries

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

For anyone who has read the Bible’s New Testament, it’s hard to escape God’s frequent instruction for us to forgive others who have wounded or offended us in some way. A prime example is Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Yet, many women struggle with what forgiveness actually looks like if the person who hurt you continues to pose emotional, mental, or physical danger.


Please allow me to share what I’ve learned after spending time studying the Bible and also helping numerous women grapple with forgiveness. Here’s the big takeaway. You can and must forgive the other person in terms of letting justice rest in God’s hands and choosing to avoid the temptation to hope (or make) them suffer for what they did. However, forgiveness does not necessarily mean you need to be in a close relationship with that person or leave your heart wide open for further damage.


God gives a really pivotal instruction in Proverbs 4:23 where He says, “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”. That’s where boundaries come in. If the person who deeply hurt you is still posing a significant danger to your emotional, mental or physical health, it’s appropriate to guard yourself by establishing a boundary in the relationship. This might mean a season of separation from that other person. This might mean keeping yourself distant until you see signs that this person may no longer be a danger to you, or that you have undergone sufficient healing from the Lord so that you are now strong enough to be around this other person.


Yes, we must forgive, but we must also be wise in terms of guarding ourselves from further harm.

** or view this topic as a 2 minute VIDEO BELOW