divorced

If you’re considering divorce

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Having a rough time in your marriage?  Do you wish you’d never married your husband?  Our society makes it very easy to throw in the towel and divorce.  Divorce might seem very tempting, but let me tell you from personal experience; it’s really hard on your children.  Actually, it’s devastating for them.  Yes, God can heal them over time, but your children will always carry a deep emotional scar.  Whoever started the rumor that kids can bounce back from divorce was lying!

I’m not saying that a woman should never divorce her husband.  The Bible certainly gives a clear allowance for divorce in Matthew 19:9 where Jesus says “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”  Jesus clearly states that when a spouse has cheated on you sexually, divorce is permissible.  After many years of studying the Bible, I also believe God permits a woman to divorce her husband when he grossly sins against his wife through continuing physical or emotional abuse.  After all, God instructs us in Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life“.  After years of severe emotional or physical abuse, a woman can become a mere shell of a human being.  I don’t believe that is God’s will for anyone.  Throughout the Bible, we see that God is more concerned with mercy than merely following rules.

All this being said, please do everything you can to fight for your marriage.  Don’t give up easily.  Don’t let bitterness grow.  Work to resolve issues before your heart grows so cold that you don’t feel like working to save your marriage. You may possibly need to separate from your husband in order to bring his attention to the seriousness of the problem, but your goal should be reconciliation and restoration of your marriage. Find a good counselor.  Get a mentor couple.  Read the Bible.  Pray continually.  Don’t give up on your marriage too easily.  If for no other reason, fight for your marriage on behalf of your children.

Avoid these common causes of divorce

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Recently, I was reading a bunch of different articles about the common causes for divorce, and I noticed 3 causes that seemed to appear the most frequently in each of these articles.  They are: financial problems/fights, lack of sexual and emotional intimacy, and poor communication.  Obviously, you would do well to be aware of these common traps so that you don’t end up in divorce court!  Also, since God designed marriage, it makes sense that His Word would have guidance to help us avoid falling into these 3 common causes of divorce.

As I was considering each of these 3 areas, something really interesting occurred to me.  Failing to value the other person’s needs and desires is central to all 3 of these common causes of divorce!  I will explain in a moment, but first, here is the key section of Scripture for you to apply.  Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Financial problems/fights:  Usually, these fights occur because most women highly value financial security and most men are prone to be a little more “adventurous” when it comes to spending money. So, the key here is to sit down with your husband and ask him to listen to and be considerate of your financial need for security, and then for you to be willing to take into consideration his desires regarding money.  Then, work toward a compromise that represents some of the values of you both!

Lack of sexual and emotional intimacy:  Often this happens in a relationship when we allow other things or other people to take precedence over the relationship with our spouse.  We treat our spouse and their needs, physical and emotional, as less important than other things.   It also happens when we allow a misunderstanding or disappointment with our spouse to fester and turn into toxic resentment which in turn leads to us putting up a “wall” with our spouse.  The key here is sit down with your spouse and determine to work all the way through any past misunderstandings and resentments.  Ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness.  Also, decide together to actively pursue physical and emotional intimacy by placing a high priority on those connections in your marriage.

Poor communication:  This often occurs because both the husband and the wife mistakenly believe the other one understands the way they think and their unspoken needs and desires!  We tend to think the other gender thinks like us, but they don’t!  The remedy here is to sit down, once again, and intentionally discuss many areas where you have had miscommunications in the past.  Clearly explain your needs and desires.  Ask your husband to clearly explain his needs and desires.  Agree to have direct communication instead of expecting the other person to “just know”!