desires

Husbands desire “plain-speak”!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

This little devotional really addresses and accomplishes two separate things:  blessing your man in a way that will also bless you!

Here’s something I’ve come to realize.  Wives have a need to feel loved and cherished, but this need is largely misunderstood by the male species!  We might have read the book “The 5 love languages” and we may have even told our husbands what our love language is, but alas, he does not seem to be “speaking” that love language.  So, we grow more and more disappointed every day. 

But here’s the big idea.  Maybe we need to clearly and plainly communicate exactly HOW your husband can carry out your particular love language.  In other words, tell him plainly!  Don’t hint.  Don’t just expect him to know.  Your love language may very well be a foreign language to him.  And even if he has the same love language, he might want it carried out in a different way than what you desire.  So, tell him clearly and plainly what you need to feel loved.  Tell him clearly and plainly what you need him to do in areas where you have been growing disappointed.

Hebrews 10:24 (amplified) says:  and let us consider [thoughtfully] how we may encourage one another to love and to do good deeds.   Maybe a way we carry out this instruction in marriage is to clearly communicate exactly how to love and do good deeds for each other.  And when it comes to the male species, let’s remember that they are not mind readers.  Men appreciate “plain-speak”.  Just tell them what you want or need!  They will be blessed, and likely, you will be also. 😊

Understanding your guy’s wiring

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

I know the Declaration of Independence says “all men are created equal”, and it is true that all humans are equally important.  However, I have learned that not all men are exactly the same!

In my marriage to my late husband Raul, God had me launch a ministry that focused quite a bit on providing Bible guidance for wives.  In the process, I began pressing into my role as my husband’s “helper” as referenced in Genesis 2:18.  I realized that in order to be a help and blessing to him, I really needed to figure out what actually made him tick and what he needed from me.  After studying him and asking him questions along this line, I discovered that he REALLY needed verbal affirmation from me and he desperately desired my respect.  When I helped him by doing those things, he began to flourish even more.  He became a better version of himself, and he often told me how much my affirmation and respect meant to him.

Fast forward following my husband’s untimely death, the Lord saw fit to bring a widower into my life and we actually got married in 2023!  I, of course, thought that I had my role as a wife and helper all figured out for this new husband.  Wrong!  I’m learning that the things that my late husband needed and wanted from me are not at all the same as what my new husband desires.  They are different men. Duh! 

This brought to mind Philippians 2:3-4, which says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Are you looking to your husband’s interests?  Don’t make the same mistake I did, thinking that all husbands basically want the same things from their wife.  Each man is a little different.  This means we need to be a student of our husbands.  Study what makes your husband tick, what lights him up, what seems to be meaningful to him, what actions or words appear to be a blessing to him.  Then do those things!  Your husband will so appreciate you. 😊