cycles

Signs of insanity in relationships!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Do you continue to experience problems in your marriage or other significant relationships?  I know it’s tempting to think it’s all the other person’s fault, but I have to ask you this question.  Is it possible that one of your own behavior patterns is contributing to the problems in that relationship?   Let me ask the question another way.  Are you continuing on with your old dysfunctional way of operating in relationships, expecting different results?  That’s the definition of insanity?  If the way you’ve been doing things in relationships hasn’t yielded great results, maybe it’s time to try a new way!  Listen to God’s blunt advice to us in Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.  Let’s not be dogs returning to vomit!  Let us not be fools who keep repeating their folly.

We all tend to have a dysfunctional pattern or two!  It’s easy to see the other person’s defects and flawed patterns of behavior, but it’s much more difficult to recognize our own.  Maybe it’s time to ask God if there is any behavioral pattern of yours that could use attention and change.  For instance, if you’re a conflict avoider, and if you keep stuffing your resentment under the rug (hoping that it will just go away), maybe God is asking you to consider dealing with issues in the relationship in a more direct way.  If you have had issues with anger in relationships, anger that has caused destruction, maybe God is saying it’s time to see a counselor to get to the root of your anger issues so that you don’t continue blowing up your relationships.

Sit with God and ask Him if there is an old pattern of operating in relationships that would benefit from a makeover.  Then ask Him to give you the courage and wisdom to chart a new path.

Avoid this crazy cycle in marriage!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

In every marriage, there will certainly be times where you find yourself disappointed or frustrated with your husband.  The question isn’t…how can you and I avoid those challenging times?  The question is…how are we going to respond to the challenge?

I’ve met many wives who allow themselves to sink into self-pity or get all riled up with anger toward their husband.  Neither one of those responses is helpful!  In fact, a crazy cycle begins in the marriage.  The wife lets her husband know how disappointed she is in him…he feels like a failure so he either responds with mean words or withdraws…she gets even more disappointed…and the cycle continues!  Please allow me to suggest a couple of new ways to look at those times when your husband has frustrated or disappointed you:

Instead of focusing solely on what he’s doing wrong, choose to rejoice in what he’s doing right.  This is the essence of Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”  In other words, instead of developing a sour taste in your mouth by dwelling on his every fault, choose to look at your husband as a work in progress.  God doesn’t transform a person overnight (including you!).  So, choose to relish in the sweetness of every good thing your husband does and every good choice he makes.  For your soul, it will be like sipping on sweet lemonade instead of sucking on bitter lemons.

P.S.  You’ll look a lot more attractive to your husband when your mouth isn’t puckered up like you’ve been sucking on sour lemons!

P.S.S. If your husband is WAY out of bounds with his behavior and actually sinning against you, you may need to establish some firm boundaries, while at the same time choosing to remind yourself of his good qualities as well!