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3 tips for disappointed wives

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Tip # 1:  If you find yourself disappointed with your husband, ask yourself this question:  Is he sinning against me or am I just disappointed with him?  If he is actually sinning against you (looking at porn, being abusive, drinking excessively, etc), then consult with God and perhaps a godly mentor to determine if you should lovingly, respectfully, and firmly confront your husband and establish boundaries, using the Biblical model laid out in Matthew 18:15-17. 

However, if you’re simply disappointed with your husband because he’s not meeting your expectations, then try these two things: 

Tip # 2:  Simply and clearly let him know what you desire….because he is not a mind-reader!  It’s so funny how we expect our husbands to meet all our needs and desires because “he should just know”.  Lol  Well, guess what?  He doesn’t “just know”.  Sometimes, you need to actually tell him what you’re hoping for and what your expectations are.  Be specific. Don’t drop hints. Clearly tell him what you need or desire.

Tip # 3:  If he still doesn’t fulfill your desires and expectations, take a moment and remind yourself that he can’t be perfect, and he can’t perfectly meet all your needs!  Now, if someone were to ask us if we expect our husbands to be perfect, we would answer “of course not!”, and yet, at a subconscious level, most of us DO expect our men to be perfect. We pretty much expect them to be Jesus!  It’s time to let them off that hook.  After all, God makes it clear in Psalm 53 “there is no one who does good, not even one”. 

So, maybe it’s time you stop expecting your man to be perfect in every way. How about, instead, you decide to be thankful for the good things about him?  In fact, every time I started to get disappointed with my own husband in years past, I learned to stop and begin to list the things that he was doing right.  This is what my new internal dialogue sounded like:  “He works hard to provide for me.  He doesn’t get drunk or do drugs. He has stopped looking at porn.  He reads the Bible every day. Wow!  I’m not so disappointed anymore! I’m actually kind of thankful for him!”

Don’t miss out on your life!

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

We are all so prone to dwell on what we don’t have.  For instance, you might spend lots of mental time and energy longing for a more romantic husband.  Or maybe you rehearse over and over again the many qualities your husband lacks!  You may be a single woman reading this devotion, and you may be spending lots of energy and time trying to capture a man who can become your husband!

Here’s the thing.  We can easily spend so much time focusing on what we don’t have…and trying to manipulate people and circumstances to get what we want…that we don’t even enjoy the many blessings God has actually given us.  We can miss out on the life we have!

Colossians 2:6-7 reminds us, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”  You and I need to focus on the many things for which we can be thankful.  What good people has God placed in your life?  How has God provided for you?  Dwell on those things and be thankful.  When you stop focusing on what you don’t have, you’ll finally be able to truly enjoy all the blessings that you do have!

Great marriages are anti-woke

Squadron of Sisters (Debbie Chavez) Leave a comment

Are you familiar with the term “woke” as used in our culture today?  It gets tossed around a lot and a huge number of people seem to be pretty proud to declare that they are “woke”.  Basically, the word (as it is being applied in today’s culture) means awakened to social injustice and unfairness and the lack of equity for all people.

Well, I’m probably going to offend the “woke” crowd by what I’m about to say.  While the Lord is indeed a God of justice, and He does call his people to make sure justice is carried out for the oppressed, He does not tell his followers to fight for fairness and equity in their own relationships!  Instead, He actually calls His followers to be more concerned for other people than for themselves!  Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

What I’ve learned along my journey in marriage is that self-sacrifice and working to serve the other person is that secret sauce to a great marriage!  And if you BOTH do that, wow!  Your marriage will be amazing!   However, if you focus on getting that other person to meet your needs, and wait for them to give equally back to you, you’re going to be a miserable, resentful, disappointed person.

Maybe it’s time to try God’s way of doing relationships.  Try being anti-woke. Don’t wait for the other person to give to you and meet your desires.  Give to them.  Look for ways to bless them.  It’s the secret sauce to a great marriage, and even if your marriage doesn’t improve right away, you’ll know that you’ve been a great representative of the Lord.  After all, that’s how He treats us!  He is definitely anti-woke in the way He interacts with us.  He gives a whole lot more than He receives.